August 30 - Where Are They Now? Wednesday - Kickoff Classic

This week's WHERE ARE THEY NOW? WEDNESDAY is dedicated to the start of College Football Season this week. This week used to have a holiday atmosphere with the opening game aptly named The Kickoff Classic.

The Kickoff Classic was a season-opening college football game played at Giants Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey from 1983 to 2002. It usually featured two top-ten teams fighting it out at this neutral location. Rules changes by the National Collegiate Athletic Association brought an end to the series.

Penn State appeared in the game four times. Ohio State, USC, Syracuse, and Nebraska each appeared three times.

I attended all three of Ohio State’s games.

1986 – Alabama 16, Ohio State 10. This was one of the last official appearances of Captain Buckeye. Ohio State had several chances to win the game in the final moments. Chris Spielman was the MVP in a losing cause. Below is the group that traveled from Dayton to the game.

1995 – Ohio State 38, Boston College 6. The game got off to a great start as Shawn Springs returned the opening kickoff for a touchdown. Ohio State never looked back. The game MVP was Eddie George.

1999 – Miami 23, Ohio State 12. Miami showed that their classlessness was not limited to their players. The Miami fans wanted to start a post-game brawl even though they won. The quick thinking of a Buckeye fan commandeering a limo saved the day. The season went from bad to worse as OSU ended up 6-6. Here are some pictures from that game.

Pre-Game Pep Rally

1999 Kickoff Classic

1999 Game Attendees

The Limo Arrives

Safely Inside The Limo

As a west coast alternative, Disney sponsored the Pigskin Classic from 1990-1994. It was played in Anaheim Stadium. I attended the 1994 game where OSU beat Fresno State 34-10.

The beauty of first game “bowl game” is that they were scheduled well in advance. There was ample time to organize a road trip with 8-10 of your closest friends.

Now, teams schedule cupcakes or Division 1-AA foes to start the season. Some samples of nail-biters coming this weekend include:

* Montanan State at Colorado
* Florida Atlantic at Clemson
* Western Kentucky at Georgia
* Louisiana-Lafayette at LSU
* North Texas at Texas
* Louisiana Tech at Nebraska

The first game on TV this year will be Boston College at Central Michigan on August 31. Oh, the intrigue. According to the Sagarin Ratings, it will be #19 versus #115 respectively.

This week's WHERE ARE THEY NOW? WEDNESDAY is THE KICKOFF CLASSIC.

Come on NCAA, give us back our College Football Opening Day.

August 29 - Hurricane Hyperbole

What a week for the newscasters and meteorologists. As we “celebrate” the one-year anniversary of Katrina in comes Tropical Storm Ernesto threatening Florida.

Who names these storms? Hurricanes have become smarter. They know if they use a Hispanic name they have a better chance of getting into this country. Ernesto sounds more like a prescription sleep aid.

Ernesto should only be taken immediately before bedtime. Be sure you have at least eight hours to devote to sleep before becoming active. You should not engage in any activity after taking Ernesto that requires complete alertness, such as driving a car or operating machinery. You should use extreme care when engaging in these activities the morning after taking Ernesto. Do not use alcohol while taking any sleep medicine. Most sleep medicines carry some risk of dependency. Do not use sleep medicines for extended periods without first talking to your doctor.

Ironically both hurricanes and prescription sleep aides have the same side effects. Some people experience unusual changes in their thinking and/or behavior. These effects are not common. However, they have included:

• More outgoing or aggressive behavior than normal
• Confusion
• Strange behavior
• Agitation
• Hallucinations
• Worsening of depression
• Suicidal thoughts

Now I don’t want to get into a Pet Peeve because it’s not Monday. But I do want provide a little commentary about Mother Nature.

As a disclaimer, I want to state if you lost any family, friends, or furnishing in any catastrophe, I am sorry for your loss. Like most people, I donated belongings and funds after Katrina.

With that said, let’s go over a few basic Hurricane Rules:

#1. A mandatory evacuation means just that... Get The Hell Out!!! Don't blame the Government after they tell you to go and you decide to stay. If they hadn't said anything, I can see the argument.

#2. If there is an emergency, stock up on water and non-perishables. If you didn't do this, it's not the government’s fault you're starving. I live in Ohio and I have enough beans, ravioli, beef jerky, and juice boxes to make it through six weeks. My biggest fear isn’t hurricanes, it’s that the local store may run out of my favorites.

#3. If you run out of food and water, find a store that has some and borrow what you need. DO NOT LOOT!!! Remember, plasma screen TV's, DVD's, CD's, and Nike shoes are not edible. Leave them alone.

#4. If someone comes in to help you, don't shoot at them and then complain no one is helping you. It’s called hazard pay, not combat duty.

#5. My tax money should not pay to rebuild a sports stadium or a floating casino. A lso, my tax money shouldn't go to rebuild a city that is under sea level. Y ou wouldn't build your house on quicksand. If you want to live below sea level, join the Navy.

President Kennedy said it best... "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country."

As for the beloved weather reporters, why do they have to cover the hurricane and insert themselves into the story? This was my PET PEEVE about war journalists on July 24.

My all time favorite TV weatherman, Al Roker, “jumped the shark” during last year’s hurricane season. He was literally blown away by Hurricane Wilma. Maybe Al shouldn’t have had gastro bypass surgery.

His loss of ballast may have caused his loss of balance.

Tropical Storm Ernesto failed to make hurricane status today as it hit Florida. You could see the despair in the faces of the weather reports. You could hear the disappointment in their voices. There is nothing like a non-story. It was a real bad news for cable news organizations, as John Mark Karr didn’t pan out. Cheer up weather guys. You will always have Katrina.

Finally, a note on Mother Nature.

From the TV Acres web site:

Dena Dietrich starred as the forest matron, Mother Nature in a series of successful 30-second commercials for Chiffon Margarine (1971-79). Dressed in a gown of white and adorned with a crown of daisies, Mother Nature addresses an unseen narrator who informs her "That's Chiffon Margarine, not butter." A perplexed Mother Nature replies "Margarine, oh, no, it's too sweet, too creamy."

When the narrator tells her "Chiffon's so delicious, I guess it fooled even you, Mother Nature," the perturbed woodland goddess lets loose lightning and thunder to express her anger. Her trademark catchphrase was "It's not nice to fool Mother Nature!"

I’ve sure that catchphrase would be updated by today’s loose media standards. I imagine Samuel Jackson playing the part.

“It’s not nice to fool Mother &*%#-ing Nature”

August 28 - It's Better to Receive than Give

From Monday August 28’s USA Today coverage of the Emmys came an article titled, “Taxing Times for Award Show Attendees.”

LOS ANGELES — One of the hot topics in Hollywood right now, right up there with Mel Gibson and Tom Cruise, is taxes on the gift baskets distributed at awards shows, following a recent public reminder from the IRS. Emmy host Conan O'Brien joked about the value of this year's Emmy gift basket being $51,000 — including "a $50,000 gift certificate to the Olive Garden"

Several stars said they wouldn't accept, including 24's Gregory Itzin "I refused. I wanted to shortcut that whole problem. It's foolish. It's focused on us because we're so high-profile."

I am sorry to inform Gregory Itzin that all gifts valued at over $12,000 are taxable for everyone, not just “high profile” people.

Incidentally, I had to Google Gregory Itzin, as I had never heard of him. He may want to rethink his self-aggrandizing “high-profile” assessment of himself. Better yet, maybe he could ask for a smaller gift basket at a value for which he feels able to pay taxes.

And people say that Hollywood people are out of touch. Huh.

I believe many Hollywood people need to go on a REALITY show, where they get a dose of reality.

Gregory Itzin

actor, philanthropist, dope

August 28 - Pet Peeve Monday - The Amazing Rat Race-ist

This week’s PET PEEVE MONDAY is focused on the outrage about the TV show, Survivor’s latest installment, Survivor: Cook Islands.

The newest installment of the reality show features tribes made up of contestants separated by their ethnicity. White, Asian American, Hispanic, and African-American tribes will be playing to survive the Polynesian Cook Islands. I’m MORE OUTRAGED that this show is in its ELEVENTH INSTALLMENT.

In the above photo-op, it would have been easier if they dressed the contestants in ethnic or team-based colored shirts in order to differentiate team / race loyalty.

However this show may be the JUMPING THE SHARK installment. I first described the “Jumping the Shark” phenomena in my May 22 Blog about Series Finales.

Jumping the Shark is a metaphor that denotes the tipping point at which a TV series is deemed to have passed its peak. Once a show has "jumped the shark," fans sense a noticeable decline in quality or feel the show has undergone too many changes to retain its original charm.

The phrase was popularized by the website, jumptheshark.com. It alludes to a scene in the TV series, Happy Days, when the popular character, Arthur "Fonzie" Fonzarelli, on water skis, literally jumps over a shark.

Survivor is creating a buzz because of its politically incorrect twist. Sports books have even begun to lay odds on the winner:

The Asian Americans: 2-1
The Hispanics: 3-1
The African-American: 4-1
The Whites: 1-1

To the uninformed, this means that Whites are favored to win. Asians are a close second (betting on them will double your bet), Hispanics in third (will pay three times your bet), and African-Americans have no chance. Native Americans were originally scheduled as a tribe, but the Whites stole their spot.

On his syndicated radio show, Rush Limbaugh said he has his early money on the Hispanic tribe, because, according to Rush, "these people have shown a remarkable ability ... [to] get anywhere they want to go. They can do it without water for a long time. They don't get apprehended, and they will do things other people won't do."

Exhibiting his usual equal-opportunity race-generalization, Rush thinks the Asians will "outsmart everybody" but that their survival skills are weak, and that the Whites will resort to any means necessary – spreading diseases, stealing property – to win. And Limbaugh takes a rather dim view of the African Americans, whose Achilles' heel he thinks will be – wait for it and shake your head – swimming. (DISCLAIMER: Rush’s words, not mine.)

Although Reality Shows are a genuine PET PEEVE for me, I will focus only on THE TRANSPARENT OUTRAGE that people have expressed over this year’s segregated version of Survivor.

Members of Congress have stated their collective indignation with the premise of this season’s Survivor, while at the same time gerrymandering their districts along racial lines to ensure their own re-election. Their Hypocrisy goes unchecked.

Since the beginning of time, people have gravitated toward the ethnic group of people that made them feel welcome and the most at ease. Don't call me a racist because I’m against busing. I’m for equal educational opportunities for all people wanting to learn. I believe we will accomplish this is the next decade through ubiquitous, free Internet access, sub $100 PC price levels and distance E-learning. Just think where technology was 10 years ago.

However, why do you think there is a Little Saigon in Southern California, a Chinatown in San Francisco, a Little Havana in Miami, and a Little Italy in New York City? There is even a Germantown in Columbus, Ohio. There is probably a double-wide trailer theme park somewhere in Alabama.

There is no special Vietnamese, Chinese, Cuban magnet that draws these people. It is a familiarity and a comfort level with being with people who are like you.

The point is if you put everyone in a big bowl, stir it up, and say live where ever you want, socialize with whomever you want, date and marry whomever you want, most people have a propensity to walk toward their own reflection.

There is an interesting story that came about during the 1968 filming of The Planet of the Apes. During breaks in filming the cast would go to lunch while all were still in full make-up at the 20th Century Fox commissary. At individual tables, the orangutans sat with orangutans, the gorillas sat with gorillas, and the chimpanzees sat with chimpanzees. They were not forced to eat or socialize together. These various actors of undisclosed background, age, ethnicity, and origin, would CHOOSE to be together. Why? Because they wanted to be with someone who looked like them.

So my message for those of you that are infuriated with the race-baiting version of Survivor, DON’T WATCH IT. I won’t, never have, never will. Of course, I’ve never watch ANY REALITY SHOW other than the Evening News. I needed to install an L-CHIP in my TV to filter out the liberal bias on those newscasts to get the real news.

August 25 - Friday Funny - Mt. Rushmore

Some people read my blogs and think I’m a Republican. Others read my stances on immigration and gun control and think I’m a Libertarian. Others can’t read, and I think University of Michigan student.

In the course of home schooling this summer, I taught my children about the Presidents and national monuments, like Mount Rushmore.

To illustrate that I don’t always make fun of Democrats like Bill and Hillary Clinton, John Kerry, etc., here is a joke about the current Commander in mis-Chief.

George Bush decided to visit Mount Rushmore.

He was feeling a bit down, so as he stood in front of the memorial, he looked up at George Washington and said, "George .... what should I do?"

George Washington looked down at George W. Bush and said, "Tell the truth."

GW Bush looked over to Thomas Jefferson and said, "Thomas ...... what do you think I should do?"

Thomas Jefferson said, "Be fair."

GW Bush then looked to Theodore Roosevelt and said, "Teddy ..... what should I do?"

Theodore Roosevelt replied, "Give 'em hell!!"

Lastly, George Dubya looked up at Abraham Lincoln and said, "Abe ..... what advice can you give me?"

Abraham Lincoln looked down at GW Bush, paused slightly, and said, "Go to the theater!"

August 23 - Where Are They Now? Wednesday - California Dreamer

This week’s WHERE ARE THEY NOW? WEDNESDAY focused on a girl that was born in Los Angeles in the 60’s.

She had many dreams. At 8, she dreamed of being a professional football cheerleader. Quickly, she decided to set higher goals and was left with only a trophy.



Later as a teenager and living in Los Angeles she dreamed about being Marsha Brady, or at least her sister, the one with a Elvis lip curl.

Can you pick the real Brady?

However, the Brady Bunch (or some of them) have moved on and so did she.




Later after going through an apparent Stevie Nicks dream sequence, she hunkered down and got smart, really smart. She graduated from college twice.




Finally as a young doctor on vacation, she unexpectedly met the man of her dreams at the Pierce Street Annex in Tahoe City, Nevada on August 24, 1991 at 9:04 p.m.

Fifteen years ago, this week.


So WHERE IS SHE NOW? That California Dreaming for Such a Winter's Day, Save the World, Correct Everyone's Grammar, Sudoku Master?

Of all her dreams, I bet she never dreamed she would live in Ohio, have three kids, and LOVE IT. (my words, not hers).



She traded in her cheerleading trophy for a Trophy Husband. (still my words)

Happy Anniversary, Dear. Pictures were used without permission.

August 22 - Snakes in a Theatre

If I wasn’t clear enough in yesterday’s blog about why I wouldn’t go see the Snakes on a Plane movie, this is from today’s headlines:

Rattlers Freed in "Snakes on a Plane" Theater Prank

PHOENIX (Reuters) - Life imitating art is all very well. Unless, that is, it's a movie about deadly snakes on the rampage.

Movie chain AMC Entertainment Inc. said pranksters at one of its Phoenix theaters released two live diamondback rattlesnakes during a showing of the film "Snakes on a Plane" last Friday. No one was injured.

AMC spokeswoman Melanie Bell said, "One was found in the parking lot during the show, and the other in the movie theater. They were both removed, and no one was harmed."

The snakes were later released in the desert.

I would not like snakes on a plane. I would not like snakes in a theatre. Not on a bus. Not on a train. I do not like snakes, Jay I am.

Now, where were these pranksters in 1995 when I saw the movie, Showgirls?

August 21 - Pet Peeve Monday - JayJayPhobia?

This week’s PET PEEVE MONDDAY is a result of the release of the horror movie, Snakes on a Plane that came out this past weekend. The goal of Snakes on a Plane was to combine common fears in one movie, namely aviophobia (fear of flying) and ophidophobia (fear of snakes).

The much buzzed-movie performed well below its extremely hyped expectations, earning an estimated $15.3 million for its three-day opener. Well I’m not a Hollywood movie mogul, but what did they expect. They combined two of the highest rated things that people were “Very or Somewhat Afraid Of.” From the Internet the list includes.

1. Public Speaking - 77 %


2. Death - 75 %


3. Snakes – 63 %


4. Heights – 55 %


5. Being alone in the Forest – 41 %


6. Spiders and Insects – 37 %


7. Flying on a Plane – 35%


8. Thunder and Lightning – 28 %


9. Mice – 27 %

If they had titled the movie, Having to Publicly Speak on a Plane with Snakes, Insects, Mice and Snakes while Flying Over a Forest Through a Thunderstorm, I think they would have really drawn a crowd.

Why would you release a movie that plays on people’s worst fears? Seeing the movie would not be therapeutic, it would be traumatic. Maybe the film producer suffers from Plutophobia (fear of wealth and success)). Or maybe their target audiences all suffer from Theatrophobia (fear of theatres). But this is not this week’s PET PEEVE.

This week’s PET PEEVE concerns the list of 500 phobias that potentially afflict people. I believe as a society we are always trying to blame someone for our fortunes or lack thereof. We want to blame bad childhoods for our bad behavior. We want to sue McDonald’s for our obesity. We want $20,000 reparations for something that happened to our great, great, great, great, great, grandfathers. Everyone wants to assign responsibility to someone else for his or her situation. They want an excuse other than self-infliction for their lot in life. This is my PET PEEVE.

Now it appears certain deviances are OK because it’s a PHOBIA. I found it somewhat humorous as the things that give people the heebie jeebies.

Now I believe that Testophobia (fear of taking tests) and Claustrophobia (fear of confined spaces) are legitimate phobias. However if you review the list of phobias from this Internet site, you got to wonder how some people ever left the womb.

I believe the French suffer from Ablutophobia (fear of washing or bathing).

What would happen if an Amnesiphobia (fear of amnesia) and a Mnemophobia (fear of memories) were to get married? Would there be any wedding photos?

If you suffer from Arachibutyrophobia (fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth), why not stay away from PB &J?

I know I suffer from Atomosophobia (fear of atomic explosions) but then again who doesn’t?

If you suffer from Barophobia (fear of gravity) what are your options?

Some blog readers of Jay’s Jabberwocky suffer from Doxophobia (fear of expressing opinions or of receiving praise). I’ve conquered that demon.

It took me years of night clubbing and beach going, but I cured my Caligynephobia (fear of beautiful women).

I wonder if you suffer from Cacophobia (fear of ugliness) should you also have Catoptrophobia (fear of mirrors)?

Can’t Coprastasophobia (fear of constipation) and Urophobia (fear of urine or urinating) be combined as PIBS (Perceived Irritable Bowel Syndrome)?

I’ve heard of Coulrophobia (fear of clowns), but it still sounds funny?

Are people in China double inflicted if they suffer from Geniophobia (fear of chins)?

Do people that suffer from Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia (fear of the number 666) also suffer from Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia (fear of long words)?

What do you call people that have Nomatophobia (fear of names)?

A lot of people think the University of Michigan students have Bibliophobia (fear of books).

Finally there are actually people that suffer from Panophobia (fear of everything).

I guess they never heard FDR’s First Inaugural Address in 1932 “The Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Fear Itself”.

For my part, I do hate snakes and I don’t care for large dogs.

I don’t have a fear of flying. I have a fear of crashing.

I don’t suffer from Emetophobia (fear of vomiting) but I do have a fear of being vomited on. There was no phobia for that on the list. Clearly the list makers do not have small children.

Interestingly, nowhere on the list of 500 phobias was there a FEAR OF PET PEEVES. It should probably be called JAYJAYPHOBIA.

"Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths." - Steven Wright

August 19 - Happy Birthday Bill Clinton

Former US president Bill Clinton celebrated his 60th birthday on Saturday. The irony is that he is finally a sexagenarian. A word that’s meaning is probably misunderstood as a type of fetish rather than a word that describes someone in their 60’s.

David Letterman featured the following Top 10 list this week:

Top Ten Bill Clinton 60th Birthday Plans
10. The usual - - bucket of KFC and a lap dance
9. Get cracking on second 2,000-page biography
8. Bust open a piñata full of Lipitor
7. Depends on what your definition of the word "plans" is
6. Thank Letterman for the $10 Radio Shack gift certificate
5. Pretending to be excited when Hillary wears one of her "sexy pantsuits" to bed
4. Going to Foxwoods with Kofi Annan to catch Regis and Susan Lucci
3. Hit on that cute AARP receptionist
2. Reminding Gore the cake is for everyone
1. In honor of 60, 20-year-old triplets!

Another favorite Clinton joke:

President Clinton got together with some of his golf buddies for a round. When they got ready to tee off on hole No. 1, Clinton removed his golf jacket and revealed that he had a pair of panties stuck to his upper left arm. Nobody in the group had enough guts to ask about it, so they played their eighteen holes as usual.

When the game was completed, and drinks were flowing profusely at the "19th Hole", one of the group got enough "Jack Daniels" courage, and asked, "Mr. President, what's the story on those panties you have stuck to your arm?" Clinton replied, "It's a patch...I'm trying to quit."

And other oldie but goodie -

Q. When will there be a woman in the White House?
A. When Hillary leaves town.

I’m not sure if Bill is describing his golf game or the strategic missile defense system in the below picture.

Happy Birthday Bill. Unfortunately, I think we are going to see a lot more of Slick Willie in the next two years. He was in the news this week, chastising the Republicans for politicizing the London terror plot. Bill, the Republicans didn’t mention it, YOU DID!

Now if I throw a stick, will you go away?

August 19 - Scary Similarities

Is it me or does John Mark Karr look an awful lot like Lee Harvey Oswald? Their staged news conferences were disturbingly similar. They both looked like patsies with the “deer in the headlights” expression.

And why are these despicable humans always referred to by their three names: John Wayne Gacy, John Allen Muhammed, Richard Allen Davis, to name a few?

August 18 - Friday Funny - First Day of School

This week’s FRIDAY FUNNY comes about as 2 events converge.

The first is that Ohio State Football is only 2 weeks away. The OSU team is the consensus pre-season #1 team in the country.

The second event is that my youngest son starts kindergarten next week. Anyone that knows Jack, knows he is a quick wit and has an unbelievable attachment to Ohio State. I’m not sure how he came by those traits.

At any rate, I had a vision of my first conversation with the principal about Jack’s interaction with his teacher. It goes something like this:

Jack’s kindergarten teacher is a die-hard Michigan Wolverine fan. She tells the class to raise their hands if they are true Wolverine fans like her.

The children, not knowing what a Wolverine fan is, raised their hands. They too want to be just like the teacher, all except one little boy. He does not raise his hand.

The teacher approaches him and asks, "Why aren't you an Wolverine fan, Jack? They are the best team and I love them."

Jack responds, "I'm a fan of The Ohio State University Buckeyes."

The teacher asks, "Why are you a Buckeye fan?"

Jack states said, "Well, my parents are Buckeye fans."

The teacher, getting upset at this point, states, "Just because your parents are Buckeye fans doesn't make you one? What if your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot, what would that make you?"

Jack thinks for a moment and says, "Well, that would make me a Michigan fan."

Parents - Don't let your kid be the kid in the below photograph. Remember the children are our future. Treat them well and let them lead the way.

Go Bucks. To see how many days till the Michigan game, go to this site.

August 16 - I See Dead People

August 16 has always been a special date in my life because of the untimely passing of Elvis Presley on this date in 1977. To quote Don Maclean, “That was the day the music died,” at least to me. I’ve liked Elvis' music for as long as I can remember.

I’ve been to Graceland three times, performed Elvis karaoke at my wedding reception, and dressed up as “The King” for Halloween (1995 - my date was Marilyn Monroe). I also have a life size cardboard cutout of Elvis in the entryway of my home. If I can ever find a life size concrete Elvis sculpture, the neighbors will really be in for a treat.

As it turns out, other notable people also died on August 16.

Babe Ruth died on August 16, 1948 at age 53 on throat cancer. The Babe was without a doubt the best baseball player, EVER. Everyone knows that he hit 714 home runs. But did you also know:

• He had 136 career triples


• His career batting average was .342


• Asa pitcher, he threw 17 shutouts


• His career pitching record was 94 wins and 46 losses with a 2.28 ERA


• After the Red Sox sold him to the Yankees, Ruth single-handedly outhomered the entire Boston team in 10 of the next 12 seasons


• In 1927 his 60 homeruns accounted for 14% of all homeruns hit that year in the American League. To duplicate that feat, a player would need to hit over 340 homeruns in a season.

Fleet Admiral William Frederick Halsey, Jr. died on this date in 1959. Halsey had a fantastic career in the military. He started at the Naval Academy in 1900 and move dup the ranks through WWI and WWII. In October l942 he was made Commander South Pacific Forces and South Pacific Area during the offensive operations of the U. S. Forces. In June 1944 he assumed command of the Third Fleet, and was designated Commander Western Pacific Task Forces. As such, he operated successfully against the Japanese in the Palaies, Philippines, Formosa, Okinawa and South China Sea. Subsequent to the Okinawa campaign in July 1945, his forces struck at Tokyo and the Japanese mainland. The last attack of his forces was on 13 August 1945. Admiral Halsey's flag was flying on USS Missouri on 2 September in Tokyo Bay when the formal Japanese surrender was signed onboard. He was a true American hero.

Others to die on this date include:
Margaret Mitchell (1949) - author of Gone With the Wind.
Bela Lugosi (1956) - actor
Jim Murray (1998) - LA Times sports columnist
Idi Amin Dada (2003) – Ugandan Dictator and the butt of several Saturday Night Live jokes

I guess if you are famous and near death next August, you should pick another day other than August 16. That day seems to be full.

If you can, try to expire on August 14. The web say the following people died on Augsut 14:

Bertolt Brecht, Oscar Levant, Roy Buchanan, and Elias Canetti

I've not heard of any of these folks. But I do know where they are should they be the focus of any future WHERE ARE THEY NOW? WEDNESDAYS.

August 16 - Where Are They Now? Wednesday - Curt

This week’s WHERE ARE THEY NOW? WEDNESDAY focuses on my former college roommate, Curt.

His mother and my mother were life long friends until my mom died in 1997. They were maids of honor at each other’s weddings back in the 50’s. Curt and I became friends when his family moved back to Ohio in the mid 70’s. We were teenagers at that time.

Curt was a year ahead of me in school and attended a different high school. We spent most weekends together as teammates in a Saturday morning bowling league. I actually use the same bowling ball from 1977 in my 2006 bowling league, much to the chagrin of my current bowling teammates.

Curt also introduced me to the hobby of beer can collecting. It was big in the 70’s but I believe it has gone the way of beanie babies. My mother sold my collection for $75 when I went away to college. Which brings me to when I lost track of Curt.

Curt and I, along with my older brother were roommates at THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY (OSU) for my freshman year in 1980-1981. We only lived together the one-year and lost track of each other due to the size of THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY. I graduated in 1984 and moved to Dayton. Curt graduated and moved to Indiana.

Ironically, we ran into each other on January 1, 1986 at the Citrus Bowl in Orlando. THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY football team was playing Brigham Young University (BYU). The BYU fans were not big tailgaters. They may have been stuck in a huge multiple bicycle pile-up on the Florida Turnpike. All the people at the pre-game festivities were OSU fans.

As I was quarterbacking a pick-up “touch” football game with other OSU fans, a by-stander came out of nowhere to blind-side and tackle me. My teammates immediately came to my defense and grabbed the culprit. As they began to pummel him, I recognized that familiar red hair and sheepish grin. I quickly saved the scurrilous intruder from my well-intentioned linemen. The perpetrator was none other than Curt.

Curt and I had a couple of cocktails, shared some old memories, and made some new ones. We then went into the game and sat at our separate seats.

OSU won the game 10-7. After the game I tried to find Curt by hopping on the back of a moving RV and looking everywhere for him.

We have seen each other a few times since that chance encounter. However I have lost track of Curt.

As the focus of this week’s Where Are They Now? Wednesday, if anyone has any information about Curt, please advise.

I need Curt’s help with my bowling. I also need some advice on the value of my Olde Frothingsloth beer cans. These are the only 2 cans that remain from my beer can collection of 30 years ago.

August 14 - California Dreaming?

I just returned from a week visiting my in-laws in California. During that week:

There was an increased threat of terrorism.

There was an invasion by an organized group with different religious beliefs.

There was a tenuous cease-fire agreement.

AND THIS ALL HAPPENED INSIDE MY IN-LAW’S HOUSE.

We invaded their quiet house and neighborhood with three children under the age of seven. Things were broken, stained, and crayon-ed throughout the compound. Peace was restored when some of the infidels decided to stay at the local Marriott.

Coincidently, I heard that there were parallel events in the “real” world of London and Lebanon.

I actually experienced the increased terrorism threat first hand when I was accosted by the Los Angeles (LAX) security prior to our return flight on Sunday.

After purging our carry-on and backpacks of all toothpaste, hair gels, lotions, water, juice boxes, sippy cups, and ketchup packets, I was subjected to an intense pat down and inquisition. I had tried (unsuccessfully) to get a 23-crayon pack through security.

It confused the TSA X-Ray attendant. Only 24 crayon packs were apparently allowed. She called for back up from the gloved male enforcer. I believe he was about to do a cavity search on me for the missing crayon. I’m not sure if it was a chartreuse crayon or a carnation pink crayon that was missing. I’m also not sure if crayons are considered an incendiary device, an accelerant, or an ignition tool.

Finally, calmer heads prevailed as security was diverted to a 90 year-old woman trying to get her crochet needles through the obvious impenetrable airline security fortress. I scurrilously gathered my belonging and joined my family. We had made it through security only to wait three hours for our scheduled departure.

If this sounds like Pet Peeve Monday, it’s not. Stay tuned. I’ll discuss airline security and true terrorist profiling in an upcoming blog. This was only a glimpse from my week in California.

Truth be told (as the picture shows), the kids and grandparents had a great week.

August 6 - On Vacation - UPDATED CROSS INDEX

I will be on vacation through August 14. Vacation? I’m taking three small children, 2000 miles from home, to a location with rotary phones and no internet access, and only one TV. Chances are that I will not be able to update my blog. I will probably gain enough material to get me through this year and next however.

My regular blogging will return around August 15.

As I approach five months as a BLOGGER. I thought I would offer a Subject / Topic Cross Index to any new readers to catch up.

Three days per week are devoted to specific categories: Pet Peeve Monday, Where Are They Now? Wednesday, and Friday Funny. In between are an eclectic bag of musings, stories, similes, homilies, anecdotes, etc.

By the way, if you would like to receive an email notification of new blog postings, simply send me an email request and I can add you to an automated notification system: Jay's email

Here is a summary of my blogs to date. Asterisks represent blogs that have received interesting feedback (always favorable, of course) from readers.


PET PEEVE MONDAY

April 3 – Daylight Savings Time
April 10 – Disorganized / Distracted Grocery Shoppers
April 17 – Everything Has To Be Political
April 24 – Failure to STOP

May 1 – Illegal Immigrants **
May 8 – Highway Rock Gathers **
May 15 – One Name Celebrities
May 22 – TV Series Finales
May 29 – Jimmy Hoffa Search

June 5 –Commencement Speakers
June 12 – Athletes without Helmets **

July 3 – Exploited Holidays
July 10 – Can I have Fries with that Poor Service? **
July 17 – Second Amendment **
July 24 - Newsreaders Gone Wild
July 31 – Children on Phones


WHERE ARE THEY NOW? WEDNESDAY

May 10 – What About Brian?
May 17 – What happened to Bobby Brady?
May 24 – Jerry, Come out, come out, wherever you are?
May 31 – Where is Jimmy Hoffa?

June 7 – America’s Cup – 1985, Crewmate Ed – Lost At Sea?
June 14 –Local Village People Loses Seaman **
June 28 – Star Jones **
July 5 – The Other Guy form Miami Vice
July 12 – Urban Leaguers
July 19 – Finola Hughes **
July 26 – Gumby

August 2 – Rainbow Man **


FRIDAY FUNNY

March 31 – Liza Minneli
April 7 – George Carlin
April 14 – Tree Falls in Forest
April 21 – Madeline Albright Pumping Iron
April 28 – Special Delivery (Pizza w/ everything including a corpse)

May 5 – Jim’s Hole In One **
May 12 – Yard Art
May 19 – Runaway Bride Update **
May 26 – Beating Anorexia

June 2 – John Kerry’s Favorite Joke
June 9 - De-Motivational Speaker **
June 30 - Jesse Jackson Joke
July 7 – Hog Heaven
July 14 – Jeeebus **
July 21 – Buck Private
July 28 – Clinton Bust **

August 4 – Knock, Knock, Who’s There? **


The 5 People I Meet in Hell
April 28 - #5 – Oprah Winfrey **
May 2 - #4 – Star Jones **
May 11- # 3 – Eva Longoria **
# 2 – Coming Soon
#1 – Coming after # 2

SPORTS

April 4 – Baseball – The One Constant
April 22 - Bowling Alley-Gations
April 29 – Baseball Today
April 30 – The Kentucky Derby
May 5 – Golf – Hole In One **
May 27 - The Indianapolis 500
June 8 – Jason LaRue **
June 10 – The World Cup
June 12 - Ben Roethlisberger
July 9 – Mascot or Muskrat Love?

CELEBRITIES

March 31 – Liza Minnelli
April 5 – Katie Couric **
April 7 – George Carlin
April 18 – George Michael **
April 21 - Madeleine Albright
April 30 - Howard Cosell
May 9 – O.J. Simpson **
May 18 - Ron Howard
May 27 – Scott Sharp
June 2 – John Kerry
June 14 – The Village People **
June 28 – Star Jones **
June 30 – Jesse Jackson **
July 19 – Finola Hughes **
July 28 – Hillary Clinton **


TOPICAL TOPICS

March 29 – Illegal Aliens
March 30- Having Three Kids **
May 1 – Illegal Immigration
May 16 - Alligator Aggregation **
June 6 – US Airway Cut Backs


PROJECTS

March 29 – Bike Rack
April 13 - Planter Preparation
April 19 - Bridge Repair
April 23 - Tree house **
June 27 – Bike Trip Summary **


MISCELLANEOUS
April 15 – Twenty Years Later
May 14 – Happy Mother’s Day **
June 13 - The Next Ben Franklin?
July 1 - Retirement – One Year Later **
August 4 – The World’s Longest Yard Sale **

August 4 - 2006 Family Vacation

Today we began our annual family vacation. Last year we visited Disney World for a week. If it sounds like fun, maybe the phrase, “two-year old on the Fourth of July in 100 degree heat, walking on asphalt” will provide some guidance.

To kick off this year’s road to memories, we decided to take part in “The World's Longest Yardsale” also known as the Hwy 127 Corridor Sale. It spans 450 miles and four states, starting in Covington, KY and ending somewhere in Alabama. We only took in about 30 miles within Kentucky.

Each of us made a shopping list. Each child had a $5 budget. Below were some of our acquisitions:

School Desk ($10), Set of Junior right handed golf clubs w/ bag ($3), set of Men’s left handed golf clubs ($8), concrete painted Indian ($25)

Commentary: I needed a second children’s desk in my office for after school studying. The junior clubs are for my six-year old. As for the left-handed clubs, I only needed one club for those tough shots when you behind a tree, or your stance would put you in ankle deep water. But at $8 for the set maybe I’ll try golf left-handed. I switch hit in baseball, why not golf? How hard can that be? I got the Indian just to piss off more neighbors.

Four spiral notebooks ($1), cast iron dinner bell ($25), President’s book ($1), George W. Bush bobblehead ($5), pink and purple set of silverware ($1)

Roller blades ($2), Richard Nixon 1960 campaign button ($1), pack of 5 John Wayne Movies ($5), Eight Men Out DVD ($2), house shaped wall rack ($2)

Three happy children with new rings ($0.25), necklaces ($1), ear rings ($1), and hair bands (0.50) – Priceless. BTW the two girls (who look like their mother) tapped out their $5 budgets while my little man came home with $2.70. It only supports the theorem of my possible doctorate on “The Direct Correlation between Genetic Genders and Spending Habits.”

What was interesting or disturbing was that the deeper into Kentucky we drove, the more guns for sale we noticed. At one of our final stops, one could also purchase mortar shells and a bazooka. My July 17 Pet Peeve about the Second Amendment exemplifies why the “right to bear arms” is one once good idea whose time has passed.

At any rate, we had a nice drive, found some bargains, and made some memories. My best purchase was today’s USA Today for $0.75. The College preview issue's headline is below. I hope the January 9, 2007 headline has a similar theme. Our next stop on our vacation is a Family Pig Roast in my hometown. With apologies to Lynn Truss, author of Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation, we won’t be roasting the family pig. I believe the pig is not, has not, and probably never will be a family friend or member. It will be delicious however, after bacon (baking) in the sun.

August 4 - Friday Funny - Knock, Knock, Who's There?

When I lived in Southern California, there were a multitude of religions solicitors that would knock on my door.

My out of work roommate, George (at far left), would often invite these zealous dogma peddlers into our house. I’m not sure if he was trying to find himself or if he was just bored. I remember in one particularly busy month, two Mormons, two Catholic nuns, and a Jehovah Witness visited us.

I remember George trying to convert the nuns to his way of life as they were trying to save his soul.

Now that I’m in Ohio and at home most days, the only people who stop by are Girl Scouts or people wanting to cut my grass. I’m dying to debate organized religion with any designated recruiter.

I attended Catholic School for my first 12 years of education. During that time, we studied other religions. I’m not sure if it was to broaden my knowledge of alternative religions or to solidify my Catholic faith. As it turns out, the best education came from living life and meeting others. Here is what I have learned about the Jehovah Witness (JW) faith.

• Heaven is only for select Jehovah's Witnesses


• Heaven is limited only to 144,000 Jehovah's Witnesses (why would they recruit more people, it only reduces their chances?)


• You are discouraged from attending college (University of Michigan is acceptable)


• All governments are controlled by Satan. (OK – they may be on to something)


• You cannot be a police officer or serve in the military


• You cannot buy Girl Scout cookies (too bad, they could combine two jobs with one knock)


• You cannot marry a non-Jehovah's Witness (hello-? - what are your chances anyway?)


• You cannot be a cheerleader (unless it is for the JW religion)


• You cannot run for or hold a political office (wow-would you get more than 144K votes?)


• Jesus did not die on a cross but an upright pole (not to be confused with the Festivus pole)


• You must go from door to door weekly to gain converts (no kidding)


• Men cannot wear beards (I’m out)


• You cannot have a tattoo (My wife is out)


• You forbidden to say "God bless you" when someone sneezes.


• You cannot be involved in martial arts, boxing or wrestling

I doubt that any Jehovah Witness will complainthis blog. They have taken a vow of non-violence, so if they do respond with aggression, they will have to return their JW membership card.

As a safety precaution I will not be reviewing Islam or recounting my nice dinner with Solomon Rushdie in any future blogs.

Here a few good JW jokes I’ve heard over the years:

Why don't Jehovah's Witnesses get killed during an earthquake? They're always in your doorway. - Johnny Carson

I'm in the Jehovah's Witness protection program. I have to go around knocking on people's doors and telling them I'm somebody else. - Steven Wright

I learned something the other day. I learned the Jehovah's Witnesses do not celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't like strangers going up to their door and annoying them. - Bruce Clark

How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to knock on your door and ask you if you've seen the light!

What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with an agnostic? Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.

August 2 - Where Are They Now? Wednesday - Rainbow Man

This week’s Where are They Now? Wednesday focuses on Rainbow Man. Rainbow Man, also known as Rollen Stewart, was a fixture in American sports culture. He was known for wearing a rainbow-colored wig and holding up signs reading "John 3:16" at sporting events around the United States in the 1970s, 80s, and 90s.

Rainbow Man garnered his first frenetic fifteen seconds of Warholian fame at a Portland Trailblazer Basketball game in 1977.

Traveling around to various events was Rainbow Man’s only occupation. He lived in his car with his wife, a fellow sign flasher, subsisting entirely on donations. In addition to golf tourneys and football games, he's appeared at numerous World Series, the summer and winter Olympics, the Republican and Democratic national conventions, the Indy 500, the Kentucky Derby, the NBA and NCAA basketball finals, the Stanley Cup, the World Cup and the wedding of Princess Di and Prince Charles.

At one point he was driving over 50,000 miles a year, and traveling to over a hundred sporting events.

At the height of his fame and popularity, Stewart once appeared in a commercial for Anheuser-Busch, as well as being paid to attend parties looking his outlandish self. His character was featured on "Saturday Night Live", "St. Elsewhere" and "The Tonight Show." Cartoonist Charles Shultz drew The Rainbow Man into his cartoon "Peanuts" standing alongside Charlie Brown. But unfortunately, toward the end of the 80's, things started getting a little weird with The Rainbow Man.

In the late 1980’s Rainbow Man’s wife left him, saying he had choked her because she held up a sign in the wrong location. A drunk driver totaled his car, his money ran out, and he wound up homeless in LA.

You can insert your own Country Music Song Title here. I prefer “Jesus take the Wig.”

In 1988, he began a string of bombings, mostly with stink bombs, in churches and Christian bookstores. According to authorities, Stewart assembled these stink bombs using a timing device, a knife and an acid filled balloon. This sounds more like a "MacGyver" episode than the Crusade for Christ.

On September 22, 1992, believing the Rapture was only six days away and having prepared himself by watching TV for 18 hours a day, Stewart began his last "presentation." Posing as a contractor, he picked up two-day laborers in downtown LA, and then drove to an airport hotel. Taking the men up to a room, he unexpectedly walked in on a chambermaid. In the confusion that followed he drew a gun, the two men escaped, and the maid locked herself in the bathroom. The police surrounded the joint, and Stewart demanded a three-hour press conference, hoping to make his last national splash. He didn't get it. After a nine-hour siege the cops threw in a concussion grenade, kicked down the door, and dragged him away.

Where is Rainbow Man Now? He is currently serving out three life sentences in jail on kidnapping charges.

I never bought into Rainbow Man’s message. I just wanted to know where he got great seats to so many sporting events.

Captain Buckeye, once thought as a copy-cat character without the religious overtones, appeared at many Ohio State sporting events in the 1980s and 90s. His current whereabouts are unknown.

July 31 - Pet Peeve Monday - Children on Phones

This week’s PET PEEVE MONDAY concerns Children’s Phone Etiquette. This summer I have been inundated with calls for my 7 year old from her playmates. I’ll call my daughter, Thunder, in order to protect her identity.

It usually goes something like this:

Phone: RING RING

Me: Hello, Hello, …HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?

Phone: (heavy breathing, long pause)

I hang up thinking it is an obscene call. I’m too tired and I’m not wearing anything sexy so I don’t bother.

Two minutes later the same thing happens. This time, a little voice at the other end asks meekly, “Can Thunder come over?”

Sometimes I agree to a play date, sometime I don’t. When I don’t allow her to play, that is when the Pet Peeve really peaks. They want to know:

Why not?
When can she?
What did she do to be in time-out?
What is she in time-out for?
Where are you going?
When will she be back?
Is she playing with someone else?

Child Protection Services doesn’t question my parenting skills as much as Thunder’s little friends.

Every time I return home from an outing, I return to a full answering machine with messages from little people (including a few with heavy breathing).

My child is seven. She does not call out on the phone. She does not answer the phone. She does not like green eggs and ham.

She knows how to dial 9-1-1 in an emergency and that is the ONLY time she initiates a phone call.

If Thunder wants to go over to a friend's house, I call for her and speak to an adult. I set up the start / stop time and ground rules. Children need boundaries and expectations. It builds discipline and responsibility.

I hope this isn’t the tip of the iceberg, because Thunder has a younger brother, Lightning, and sister, Rain. I may have to put my children in the Witness Protection Program in order to maintain my sanity.

I searched the etiquette guides on the web to determine when is the right age to allow children to use the phone. The only reference I found was that 16-year old car drivers should not use their cell phones when driving.

Well since my kids won’t drive until they are 18, that sounds like a nice round age for all phone use.

While I’m on my rant about little people, I also never leave a message on a friend’s answering machine that has been “Cuted – Up” by their child’s voice or song. It would be hypocritical for me to leave a message that may actually be returned by a child.

Thanks to all the inquiries as to where was this week’s Pet Peeve Monday. I know I’m a day late, but I HAVE BEEN ON THE PHONE!!!