June 9 - Friday Funny

As I approach the one-year anniversary of my retirement, at times I become restless. I wonder, if I was to start a second career what would it be? One thought I tossed around was to be a DE-MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER.

Many people call themselves Motivational Speakers. They are really just failed comics with business degrees. I saw many during my years in the corporate world. They would come in, tell a few jokes, usually with a few tailored toward your company or industry, act as cheerleaders in rallying the troops, cash the checks before the ink was dry, and head off to their next gig.

What would have been funny if they would have brought in Chandrashekhar from India to be the Speaker. They’ve outsourced most other jobs, why not this one.

In today’s corporate culture, I would like to suck the life out of these people and become a DE-MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER. Not the best speaker, because that would be ironic. I would like to be a mediocre DE-MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER.

Here are some sayings I found surfing the web:

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings...they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.

Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Plagiarism saves time.

If at first you don't succeed, try management.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

TEAMWORK... means never having to take all the blame yourself.

Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.

Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.