April 26 - The 5 People I Meet in Hell (#5)

MITCH ALBOM is a nationally syndicated newspaper columnist for the Detroit Free Press and television commentator who regularly appears on ESPN's Sports Reporters. He is also an author of seven books, including Tuesdays With Morrie, the phenomenal New York Times bestseller that first appeared on that list in October 1997 and stayed atop the list for four straight years.

Mitch Albom also wrote a book a few years ago, The Five People I Meet in Heaven. Now, I didn’t read the book, didn’t see the movie. But I get the concept. Every few days I will introduce you to one of THE FIVE PEOPLE I MEET IN HELL.

Now I’m not a misogynist, but I it turns out the first five people I could think of were women. I just think these 5 women will be in Hell long before many men. I’m sure they always find a way to be at the front of any line anyway.

Coming in at #5 – Oprah Winfrey

She’s fat, she’s thin, and she’s transparent when it comes to James Frey. She only loves green. She is the human embodiment of Wal-Mart.

I think a lot of people would beat around the bush with this one, so I am just going to come out and say it: I hate Oprah Winfrey. She tells us what to wear, what to read, who to vote for, and even what to eat. I hate her talk show, and I hate her magazine, and I hate her arsenal of cookbooks, biographies, and self-help guides.

When I googled the phrase, “I Hate Oprah”, I was amazed at the results. You can buy “I Hate Oprah” t-shirts, coffee mugs, hats, tote bags, bumper stickers, at: http://www.cafepress.com/simplehatred/437911

She single handedly almost brought down the cattle beef industry with her rant about Mad Cow disease a few years back. When she served on a jury, Winfrey asked the other jurors to sing whenever she went to the bathroom attached to the jury room to drown out the noise.

The final straw was when she delivered to us, Dr. Phil. He should be sent to eternal limbo in Purgatory.