June 10 - GOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL

The 2006 World Cup started on Friday. Now, I’m no soccer fan. As a matter of fact, none of my four children have ever played the game and they never will. I watch the local soccer moms (and dads) cheer their kids, ringing those cowbells. The kids are decked out in pads from head to toe. They look like miniature “Michelin Men”. For the post game, they form a human tunnel and the kids run the gauntlet like co-eds at a tail hook convention. Then it’s off to the local Dairy Queen to gorge themselves on super sized Blizzards.

Give me old-fashioned Little League baseball any day. But I digress.

I do like World Cup soccer because it brings out the patriot in me. I see a patriot; others may just see “An Ugly American.” It also only happened every four years.

For two of the last three World Cups, I was out of the country for the final. I can only compare the local excitement to what it must have felt like to be in a Boston pub during game #4 of the 2004 World Series.

For the 1994 World Cup, I was vacationing in England with my wife. We were in the midst of a cross-country rail trip from Looe, Cornwall to Aberdeen, Scotland and decided to spend a night in the little town of York. We viewed the final match in a local pub as Brazil beat Italy in Penalty kicks. Not sure if that is correct terminology, and I don’t care.

When a local bar patron (i.e. soccer hooligan) inquired as for whom I was rooting, I said “I’m Switzerland.” Well that does not mean the same thing in Europe, during the World Cup, and it does in the USA. Turns out there are people in the world that do NOT like Switzerland or at least Switzerland futbol.

As I fast forward to 1998 World Cup, I spent most of June on a worldwide tour deploying resources to protect the world from the Y2K virus. I did a hell of a job and yes, you’re welcome.

My trip took me from Japan, to Singapore, through Australia, ending in Zurich, Switzerland. I caught many games along the way. When no one showed up for the second half of the seminar in Zurich, I went to the hotel bar only to find all of the attendees watching the World Cup final as France bested Brazil. This time when someone asked for whom I was rooting, I said, “USA”. I should have said Switzerland. Damn.

For the 2002 World Cup, I stayed stateside. I don’t remember if the games were on TV or who won. Nobody asked as for whom I was rooting, and I did not offend any one.

For the 2006 World Cup, I’m not sure if the USA has much of a chance. I didn’t pick them in my June Joyness Bracketology Poll. (Doesn’t sound as appealing as March Madness, does it?)

However, if we have 11 million illegal immigrants in the country, you would think we could find at least 11 that could play soccer. The odds are only 1 for every million. Maybe we could offer a better wage and a fast track to citizenship. It worked for former Canadian, Tanith Belbin.

By a special act of Congress on December 28, 2005, which President George W. Bush signed on December 31, 2005, Belbin became a naturalized citizen, effectively making her able to compete for the United States at the 2006 Winter Olympics.

If you don’t remember this, it only confirms my fears that I have a PBS mind in a MTV world. Go watch Survivor XX. Big Brother 12, American Idol 17, The Amazing Race 16.

You’re Fired.

Deal or No Deal?