July 10 - Pet Peeve Monday - Poor Service

It’s time for Pet Peeve Monday. Now, I think we all agree that Customer Service in this country has diminished or even vanished. This should be a Pet Peeve for everybody. My specific Customer Service Pet Peeve deals with servers, checkout dudes, and others inserting themselves into your conversation, your dinner party, or commenting on your grocery selection.

I ran across some lines I’m going to use the next time someone reminds me of this Pet Peeve.

I’ll use these lines when my water glass sits empty and I’ve obviously become a candidate for the role of the invisible man in the next Hollywood blockbuster. This happened at lunch recently. When I brought it to the waitress’s attention, I found out that she was having a hard time focusing because her daughter had come home late the previous night. It didn’t end there, she also informed me her daughter had a new tattoo. I hope it wasn’t the “barbed wire” tattoo around the arm. If people were really tough they would forgo that tattoo and put real barbed wire around their arms. I wanted to ask her if her daughter got a tattoo in kanji for something like "abject failure" or "hepatitis," but I must remember I’m a people person. My response was, “Check, please.” I got my water to go. TMI is not the newest station on the dish.

I’ll shout these lines into the loud speaker at McDonalds when I order a plain cheeseburger and get the ketchup, mustard, and pickle anyway. How is that a “Happy Meal?"

I’ll recite them when I’m interrupted by my favorite waitress line, “Is everything OK?” for the ninth time as I’m attempting a sincere, intense, fulfilling, interesting conversation with my wife. They usually ask this right after they bring the meal and before we’ve tasted any of it. It’s a good thing I’m a people person.

I love it when a waitress tells me what they like on the menu. I want to tell them, “Great, pull up a chair. Please join us.” My only fear is that they will actually take me serious and plop down at the table. They probably think Sarcasm is the trendy name for a new martini bar. Hey, people persons can also carry the sarcasm trait.

Last Saturday, when our waitress heard me explaining My Blog to my dinner partners, she decided to interject, “I graduated from UC with a degree in Journalism.” I wanted to respond, “Great, how did that work out for you? Can I get some more WATER?” But me, being the polite, people-pleaser I am, only smiled and continued on with the conversation.

Recently the Kroger dude was perusing the vegetables as I attempted to checkout. He apparently was unfamiliar with fresh promegranate and basil. As he fondled the organic arugula with his tobacco-stained fingers, I determined that ignorance was not only bliss it was inquisitive. The checker inquired, “ Is this stuff good? Maybe I should try some.” Judging by his girth, the vegetables were 10 aisles and two worlds away from the Cheetos aisle. His favorite vegetable was the coach potato.

So here are some possible come backs when service doesn’t go your way.

I found these lines on the web under the search, “things you would like to say, but can’t.” I didn’t devise them. That would make me an elitist.

Use them. You will feel better. The service couldn’t get worse, or could it?

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

Does your train of thought have a caboose?

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

Do I look like a people person?