January 23, 2008 - Derby Dead Pool Update

It’s time for a DERBY DEAD POOL Update. The Derby Dead Pool is an online competition to guess which famous people won't make it to the end of the current year.

You list 20 people that you think will die in 2008. The winner last year correctly predicted 10 of his 20 celebrity deaths. You get points based on how they die and how old they were at the time of their death. This year I have submitted two entries into the contest. As a refresher, here are my two teams:

1 Dead in Ohio
2 Sick, 2 Not Quit

This past Sunday I was alerted to the fact the Suzanne Pleshette had moved six feet closer to the center of the Earth.

Suzanne Pleshette was the beautiful, husky-voiced star best known for her role as Bob Newhart's sardonic wife on television's long-running "The Bob Newhart Show" (1972-1976). Apparently her husky voice was NOT great acting, but a result of a long running love affair with Marlboro. Pleshette was 70.

My fondest memories of the Bob Newhart Show were from the “Hi Bob” drinking game we played at The Ohio State University. The rules were simple. Whenever anybody on the show says "Hi, Bob!" or “Oh Bob”, everybody calls out "BOB!" and takes a very generous drink of their beer. People on the show say "Hi, Bob" very often. Pleshette was good for an “Oh Bob” once or twice every episode.

Four years after the show ended in 1978, Newhart went on to the equally successful "Newhart'' series in which he was the proprietor of a New England inn populated by more eccentrics. When that show ended in 1990, Pleshette reprised her role - from the first show - in one of the most clever series final episodes in TV history.

It had Newhart waking up in the bedroom of his "The Bob Newhart Show" home with Pleshette at his side. He went on to tell her of the crazy dream he'd just had of running an inn filled with eccentrics. CLASSIC.

I will always have a special place in my heart for Ms. Pleshette for her “Oh Bob’s” and for advancing me to 20th place out of the 459 teams in this year’s Derby Dead Pool. I received 7 points for my Pleshette selection.

Other Derby Dead Pool Updates on some of my selections:

Snoop Dogg’s brother had a heart attack on January 9th. Bad genes can be a factor.

Britney Spears continues to spiral out of control. She’s beginning to look more like Anna Nicole than Anna did. The Associated Press has already drafted her obit.

April 6, 2008 - Derby Dead Pool Update

Maybe I finally found my prognostication niche. My NCAA pool was over before it started as The Ohio State University had no chance to reach the Final Four, even though I had them as a write-in selection. My real gift may be selecting DEAD PEOPLE, or rather, picking people that will probably die soon.

It has been over 2 months, but I finally got my second hit on my Derby Dead Pool.

The Derby Dead Pool is where you list 20 people that you think will die in 2008. The winner last year correctly predicted 10 of his 20 celebrity deaths. You get points based on how they die and how old they were at the time of their death.

I haven’t had any activity since Suzanne Pleshette died on January 23. Until this weekend.

Charlton Heston died yesterday after a battle with dementia. He was the star of 150 films and TV series, among them "The Ten Commandments", "Ben Hur" and my favorite, "The Planet of the Apes".

Heston also led the National Rifle Association, believing that it is "man's God-given right" to own guns. In the below photo, Charlton Heston accepting a presentation rifle at 2000 NRA convention with the now well-known exclamation "From my cold, dead hands!"

Funeral arraignments are yet to be finalized as the mortuary team is still trying to pry the rifle from Heston’s hands.

I always admired Heston for his disdain for political correctness. Heston stated, "If Americans believed in political correctness, we'd still be King George's boys - subjects bound to the British crown."

I received six points for my Heston selection, which moved me to 66th place out of 459 teams. There is still a lot of time left, maybe not for my selections, but in the calendar year for a comeback.

June 25, 2009 - Derby Dead Pool Update

There was huge news day with the celebrity deaths of Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson.

People always say that “They always Die in Threes." I guess with the death of Ed McMahon earlier this week, Oprah Winfrey and David Letterman can rest easy, ….for now.

For those long time Jabberwockers, I have been a participant for the past three years in the DERBY DEAD POOL.

The Derby Dead Pool is where you list 20 people that you think will die during the calendar year. The winner last year correctly predicted 12 of his 20 celebrity deaths. You get points based on how they die and how old they were at the time of their death

I currently “Captain” 4 teams:

2 Sick Not 2 Quit – personal list , 3rd year, finished 165th last year
1 Dead in Ohio – perossnl list, 3rd year, finished 342nd last year
Say Hi to Uncle George – family list, 1st year
5 Feet and 1 To Go – book club list, 1st year

Until today there had not been a “hit” on any of the 4 lists, an almost unheard of probability.

And then within one hour, two major deaths.

For example, here is the list for the 2 Sick Not 2 Quit submission:

Muhammad Ali
Fidel Castro
Dick Clark
Roger Ebert
Farrah Fawcett
Michael J Fox
Teri Garr
Stephen Hawking
Steve Jobs
Senator Edward Kennedy
Larry King
Jack Klugman
Jerry Lewis
George Michael
Liza Minnelli
Sharon Osbourne
Greg Page
Ron Santo
Ariel Sharon
Mary Tyler Moore

For the record, I’m not sadistic, otherwise I would put more time into research and would have finished higher than 165th last year.

I just have always been a fan of actuarial tables and the abnormal distribution of celebrity deaths indicated that most fall outside of 2 standard deviations from the mean (using a Z distribution of course.)

Dec. 30, 2009 - Derby Dead Pool Reminder

This is a friendly reminder that you only have one day to complete your 2010 Derby Dead Pool entry.

The Derby Dead Pool is where you list 20 people that you think will die during the calendar year. The winner last year correctly predicted 12 of his 20 celebrity deaths. You get points based on how they die and how old they were at the time of their death

You get disqualified if you have anything to do with their death.

This year I scored points with: Ted Kennedy, Oral Roberts, Patrick Swayze, Farrah Fawcett and my real sleeper, Michael Jackson.

For the record, I’m not sadistic. I wish no ill will on most of my entries. However I’m putting Bernie Madoff on my 2010 list.

I’ve always been a fan of actuarial tables and the abnormal distribution of celebrity deaths indicated that most fall outside of 2 standard deviations from the mean (using a Z distribution of course.)

January 3, 2008 - The Derby Dead Poll - Entry 2

As detailed in yesterday’s post, I am ready to reveal my entries to the United Kingdom’s Derby Dead Pool.

My first entry, 1 Dead in OHIO, was made up of a variety of young out of control debutantes and aging stars. It was based more of fun, general desire, and “yeah, it could happen” thoughts.

This entry is more scientifically or at least it is medically based. I’ve titled it, 2 Sick 2 Not Quit.

It contains folks that would be denied insurance because of “pre-existing conditions.”

1. Muhammed Ali, Parkinson’s Disease

2. Jerry Lewis, everything but MD

3. Patricia Dunn, Cancer

4. Liza Minnelli, Deranged Diva Disease

5. Fidel Castro, may be already dead

6. Ryan O'Neal, Cancer

7. Roger Ebert, Cancer

8. Sharon Osbourne, Cancer

9. Farrah Fawcett, Cancer

10. Greg Page, left Wiggles gig with an undisclosed illness

11. Teri Garr, Cancer

12. Suzanne Pleshette, Cancer

13. Michael Fox, Parkinson’s Disease

14. Larry King, multiple heart failure episodes

15. Steven Hawking, some rare and progressive neuromotor disease

16. Ron Santo, Diabetes

17. Charles Heston, Alzheimer’s Disease

18. Ron Springs, remains comatose

19: Areil Sharon, remains comatose

20. Jack Klugman, Cancer

Now before you get up in arms about the morbid nature of this exercise, remember I wish none of these people ill (pun intended) will.

There are no trophies or cash stipends for being correct. It just gives me a reason to Google Greg Page from time to time to see if the life of an ex-Wiggle is the 2008 version of a 1970 ex-Beatle.

You don’t have to wish me good luck or those on my list bad luck. I just think it is time to bring an American Victory to the UK Derby Dead Pool.

January 2, 2008 - The Dead Pool

Now that we are into 2008, I can reveal my entries into this year’s DERBY DEAD POOL.

Some blokes in the UK run the Derby Dead Pool. It is an online competition to guess which famous people won't make it to the end of the current year

You list 20 people that you think will die in 2008. The winner last year correctly predicted 10 of his 20 celebrity deaths. You get points based on how they die and how old they were at the time of their death.

SCORING:
The value of the basic death depends on the person's age:
18-29 years: 12 points
30-49 years: 10 points
50-59 years: 9 points
60-69 years: 8 points
70-79 years: 7 points
80-89 years: 6 points
90-99 years: 5 points
100-109 years: 4 points
110+ years: 3 points

On top of this, bonus points are awarded as follows:
Unique pick: +3 if you were the only competitor to pick that person.
Unlucky 13: +2 for a celeb who dies on the 13th of any month.
Unnatural causes: +3 for murder, suicide or accident (but not State executions).
Party pooper: +5 for a celeb who dies on their birthday or Xmas Day.

I had Benazir Bhutto on my 2008 list, but she went four days too early. I struggled on whether to add Ernest Borgnine or Britney Spears.

This year I have 2 entries:

Entry #1 – 1 DEAD IN OHIO

1. John Travolta – flies his own plane (think John Denver)

2. Daniel Baldwin – least talented Baldwin brother, also recently pissed off Alec

3. Duane (Dog the Bounty Hunter) Chapman – his luck will run out, possibly at hands of his own family

4. Steven Fossett – missing for months, but not LEGALLY dead

5. John Paul Stevens – oldest Supreme Court Judge, never read Pelican Brief

6. Wilford Brimley - Heavy-set, superbly-mustachioed US actor in TV, films & commercials, looks 93, is only 73.

7. Bobby Brown – ex-husband of Whitney Houston, been in and out of rehab and jail

8. Zsa Zsa Gabor - Nine-times married, cop-slapping actress. Was in a coma for a while after a collision between her car and a lamp-post on Hollywood's Sunset Boulevard in November 2002. I’m not sure if she ever really emerged from coma.

9. Rev. Billy Graham –will turn 90 in 2008. He was on my 2007 list.

10. Lindsay Lohen – was in and out of Betty Ford more times than Gerald Ford (before he died)

11. Perez Musharraf – he can’t run and he can’t hide forever. He survives assassination attempts as if they were mosquito attacks.

12. Ashley Olsen – possible anorexia or high wind victim

13. I.M. Pei –91 year old architect. He was on my 2007 list.

14. Dick Clark – I get extra points if he dies AS the ball drops on December 31

15. Oral Roberts – will be 90 in 2008

16. Phyllis Diller - will be 140 in 2008

17. Richard Simmons - OK this one is a reach, but I feel lucky.

18. Snoop Dogg – over exposed rapper, has already outlasted most rapper actuarial tables

19. Chris Hanson – will star posthumously in “To Catch A Predator and the Guy That Killed That Smug Host”

20. Britney Spears – dah?

Tomorrow I will post my second entry: 2 Sick Not 2 Quit

May 5, 2008 - PPM - Animal Rights Double Standard

This week’s PET PEEVE MONDAY is about the timely death of Kentucky Derby horse, Eight Bells.

I had previously blogged about Barbaro. The similarities do not rest with the death of a race horse. It is about the reaction.

It is a about how people describe the horse as courageous and motivated and that she was happy. The best quote came from her trainer. He said “She was happy to put her life on the line.”

REALLY!!! I thought Dr. Dolittle and the Horse Whisperer were works of fiction. Unfortunately, Eight Bells was not available for comment.

My PET PEEVE is the DOUBLE STANDARD THAT PEOPLE EXHIBIT when it comes to horse racing and dog fighting. They are both animal rights violations.

PETA was naturally outraged. My question is why aren’t more people? In this case, a competitor (horse) died at the end of a competition. Oh by the way, cock fighting and dog fighting have the same outcome.

I’m no PETA fan. I eat meat at every meal and snack on beef jerky and Slim Jims in between. But I think PETA got it right this time.

The untold story is how, on average, there are 1.6 race horse deaths per 1000 starts. I don’t think anyone would fly given those averages. There are 50,000 global commercial flights per day. If 80 of those planes went down, there might be some outrage.

Last Sunday, 16,406 runners competed in the Flying Pig Marathon. Applying the same law of averages would result in 10 race deaths. Given those odds, I wouldn't run a marathon unless flying pigs come out of my …. Well, you get the picture.

Again everything has to be politicized. Before the race, Hillary Clinton played the gender card and told many probable voters, that they should “bet on the woman – filly in the Kentucky Derby”. She drew parallels as a woman running for President. Some would argue that they put down the wrong Nag. Just kidding.

The only upside from the early expiration of Eight Bells, is that Hillary Clinton was not be able to capitalize on the exploits of an animal.

Is it because we get all dressed up in fancy clothes and hats and sip Mint Juleps that we rationalize the exploitation and death of race horses are OK? Do we just need to have a dress code and top shelf liquor at the Dog Fights to legitimize them?

In some cultures cock fighting and dog fighting are their national pastime, just as baseball or horse racing are apart of ours. They must be sneering at Americans because of our incredible double standard. I do, and so should you.

April 30 - Kentucky Derby is coming

Next Saturday is the Kentucky Derby. I won’t be able to blog that day because I will be out of town at an undisclosed location. I thought I would share my memories from attending two Kentucky Derbies.

In 1982, as a sophomore at The Ohio State University, I made the trek with some college roommates. The highlight of the trip was running into Howard Cosell and getting my picture taken. Howard was a large unit (about 280 pounds) and was wearing his trademark canary yellow ABC broadcasting jacket. He really didn’t like being around people / crowds. Or maybe he just didn’t know the real me. We sat /drank/slept in the infield section of Churchill Downs. Now I did not attend Woodstock, but I be a lot of the other infield patrons had.

My second trip was in 1987. I went with friends and co-workers from NCR. In fact, I’m still in regular contact with the two gentlemen in this photo. We spent the night at a friend’s parent’s house in Louisville. We slept outdoors, and in my case handcuffed to a lawn chair. Don’t ask why. We viewed the races form the outfield section of Churchill Downs. This area is much more reserved and sophisticated than the infield. Someday, I’ll make it to the grandstand.

The only thing worse than beating a dead horse is betting on one.

Dec. 31, 2013 - Last Call?

It’s the last day of the 2013 Derby Dead Pool where you predict which famous people die each year.  My team scored with Hugo Chavez, Slim Whitman, Jiroemon Kimura, Roger Ebert, and a few others in 2013. 

I just need Lindsey Lohan to run over Wilford Brimley before driving off a cliff on her way TO a New Year’s Eve party.  I also need Zsa Zsa Gabor, Kayne West, and Kim Jong-un to be in Lyndsey’s car.  If it happens on the way home FROM the party, it will be 2014 and we will receive no credit.

August 28, 2009 - The Lion Sleeps Tonight

Ted Kennedy lost his year-long battle with cancer this past week. No matter, the political differences, death is always sad to report.

Nicknamed the “Lion of the Senate”, I’m always struck how only the certain “positive” facts are cited.

All the cable news channels are running round the clock tributes to Kennedy. Yes, he was a great spokesman for his constituents, but he wasn’t MY Senator and he didn’t represent my interests. Nobody is asking how the Kopechee’s or Robert Bork are handling Kennedy’s passing.

As a reminder, here is what Kennedy said on the Senate floor within 45 minutes of Bork’s nomination to the US Supreme Court in 1987.

"Robert Bork's America is a land in which women would be forced into back-alley abortions, blacks would sit at segregated lunch counters, rogue police could break down citizens' doors in midnight raids, schoolchildren could not be taught about evolution, writers and artists could be censored at the whim of the Government, and the doors of the Federal courts would be shut on the fingers of millions of citizens for whom the judiciary is -- and is often the only -- protector of the individual rights that are the heart of our democracy...No justice would be better than this injustice.”

Nice rhetoric.

Additionally, the contradiction between his support for abortion and his divorce, and his very public Roman Catholicism are glossed over.

I feel the passing of his sister, Eunice Kennedy Shriver two weeks ago, had more of an impact based upon her decades of public service outside of the political arena. At any rate, I had Mr. Kennedy in my Derby Dead Pool.

I’ll provide a points update when the new standings come out.

August 6 - On Vacation - UPDATED CROSS INDEX

I will be on vacation through August 14. Vacation? I’m taking three small children, 2000 miles from home, to a location with rotary phones and no internet access, and only one TV. Chances are that I will not be able to update my blog. I will probably gain enough material to get me through this year and next however.

My regular blogging will return around August 15.

As I approach five months as a BLOGGER. I thought I would offer a Subject / Topic Cross Index to any new readers to catch up.

Three days per week are devoted to specific categories: Pet Peeve Monday, Where Are They Now? Wednesday, and Friday Funny. In between are an eclectic bag of musings, stories, similes, homilies, anecdotes, etc.

By the way, if you would like to receive an email notification of new blog postings, simply send me an email request and I can add you to an automated notification system: Jay's email

Here is a summary of my blogs to date. Asterisks represent blogs that have received interesting feedback (always favorable, of course) from readers.


PET PEEVE MONDAY

April 3 – Daylight Savings Time
April 10 – Disorganized / Distracted Grocery Shoppers
April 17 – Everything Has To Be Political
April 24 – Failure to STOP

May 1 – Illegal Immigrants **
May 8 – Highway Rock Gathers **
May 15 – One Name Celebrities
May 22 – TV Series Finales
May 29 – Jimmy Hoffa Search

June 5 –Commencement Speakers
June 12 – Athletes without Helmets **

July 3 – Exploited Holidays
July 10 – Can I have Fries with that Poor Service? **
July 17 – Second Amendment **
July 24 - Newsreaders Gone Wild
July 31 – Children on Phones


WHERE ARE THEY NOW? WEDNESDAY

May 10 – What About Brian?
May 17 – What happened to Bobby Brady?
May 24 – Jerry, Come out, come out, wherever you are?
May 31 – Where is Jimmy Hoffa?

June 7 – America’s Cup – 1985, Crewmate Ed – Lost At Sea?
June 14 –Local Village People Loses Seaman **
June 28 – Star Jones **
July 5 – The Other Guy form Miami Vice
July 12 – Urban Leaguers
July 19 – Finola Hughes **
July 26 – Gumby

August 2 – Rainbow Man **


FRIDAY FUNNY

March 31 – Liza Minneli
April 7 – George Carlin
April 14 – Tree Falls in Forest
April 21 – Madeline Albright Pumping Iron
April 28 – Special Delivery (Pizza w/ everything including a corpse)

May 5 – Jim’s Hole In One **
May 12 – Yard Art
May 19 – Runaway Bride Update **
May 26 – Beating Anorexia

June 2 – John Kerry’s Favorite Joke
June 9 - De-Motivational Speaker **
June 30 - Jesse Jackson Joke
July 7 – Hog Heaven
July 14 – Jeeebus **
July 21 – Buck Private
July 28 – Clinton Bust **

August 4 – Knock, Knock, Who’s There? **


The 5 People I Meet in Hell
April 28 - #5 – Oprah Winfrey **
May 2 - #4 – Star Jones **
May 11- # 3 – Eva Longoria **
# 2 – Coming Soon
#1 – Coming after # 2

SPORTS

April 4 – Baseball – The One Constant
April 22 - Bowling Alley-Gations
April 29 – Baseball Today
April 30 – The Kentucky Derby
May 5 – Golf – Hole In One **
May 27 - The Indianapolis 500
June 8 – Jason LaRue **
June 10 – The World Cup
June 12 - Ben Roethlisberger
July 9 – Mascot or Muskrat Love?

CELEBRITIES

March 31 – Liza Minnelli
April 5 – Katie Couric **
April 7 – George Carlin
April 18 – George Michael **
April 21 - Madeleine Albright
April 30 - Howard Cosell
May 9 – O.J. Simpson **
May 18 - Ron Howard
May 27 – Scott Sharp
June 2 – John Kerry
June 14 – The Village People **
June 28 – Star Jones **
June 30 – Jesse Jackson **
July 19 – Finola Hughes **
July 28 – Hillary Clinton **


TOPICAL TOPICS

March 29 – Illegal Aliens
March 30- Having Three Kids **
May 1 – Illegal Immigration
May 16 - Alligator Aggregation **
June 6 – US Airway Cut Backs


PROJECTS

March 29 – Bike Rack
April 13 - Planter Preparation
April 19 - Bridge Repair
April 23 - Tree house **
June 27 – Bike Trip Summary **


MISCELLANEOUS
April 15 – Twenty Years Later
May 14 – Happy Mother’s Day **
June 13 - The Next Ben Franklin?
July 1 - Retirement – One Year Later **
August 4 – The World’s Longest Yard Sale **

August 2 - Where Are They Now? Wednesday - Rainbow Man

This week’s Where are They Now? Wednesday focuses on Rainbow Man. Rainbow Man, also known as Rollen Stewart, was a fixture in American sports culture. He was known for wearing a rainbow-colored wig and holding up signs reading "John 3:16" at sporting events around the United States in the 1970s, 80s, and 90s.

Rainbow Man garnered his first frenetic fifteen seconds of Warholian fame at a Portland Trailblazer Basketball game in 1977.

Traveling around to various events was Rainbow Man’s only occupation. He lived in his car with his wife, a fellow sign flasher, subsisting entirely on donations. In addition to golf tourneys and football games, he's appeared at numerous World Series, the summer and winter Olympics, the Republican and Democratic national conventions, the Indy 500, the Kentucky Derby, the NBA and NCAA basketball finals, the Stanley Cup, the World Cup and the wedding of Princess Di and Prince Charles.

At one point he was driving over 50,000 miles a year, and traveling to over a hundred sporting events.

At the height of his fame and popularity, Stewart once appeared in a commercial for Anheuser-Busch, as well as being paid to attend parties looking his outlandish self. His character was featured on "Saturday Night Live", "St. Elsewhere" and "The Tonight Show." Cartoonist Charles Shultz drew The Rainbow Man into his cartoon "Peanuts" standing alongside Charlie Brown. But unfortunately, toward the end of the 80's, things started getting a little weird with The Rainbow Man.

In the late 1980’s Rainbow Man’s wife left him, saying he had choked her because she held up a sign in the wrong location. A drunk driver totaled his car, his money ran out, and he wound up homeless in LA.

You can insert your own Country Music Song Title here. I prefer “Jesus take the Wig.”

In 1988, he began a string of bombings, mostly with stink bombs, in churches and Christian bookstores. According to authorities, Stewart assembled these stink bombs using a timing device, a knife and an acid filled balloon. This sounds more like a "MacGyver" episode than the Crusade for Christ.

On September 22, 1992, believing the Rapture was only six days away and having prepared himself by watching TV for 18 hours a day, Stewart began his last "presentation." Posing as a contractor, he picked up two-day laborers in downtown LA, and then drove to an airport hotel. Taking the men up to a room, he unexpectedly walked in on a chambermaid. In the confusion that followed he drew a gun, the two men escaped, and the maid locked herself in the bathroom. The police surrounded the joint, and Stewart demanded a three-hour press conference, hoping to make his last national splash. He didn't get it. After a nine-hour siege the cops threw in a concussion grenade, kicked down the door, and dragged him away.

Where is Rainbow Man Now? He is currently serving out three life sentences in jail on kidnapping charges.

I never bought into Rainbow Man’s message. I just wanted to know where he got great seats to so many sporting events.

Captain Buckeye, once thought as a copy-cat character without the religious overtones, appeared at many Ohio State sporting events in the 1980s and 90s. His current whereabouts are unknown.

June 16 - CROSS INDEX

As I approach three months as a BLOGGER. I thought I would offer a Subject / Topic Cross Index to any new readers to catch up.

I will be gone next week on a 200-mile bike ride. Why, I’m not sure, but I hear you get a free shirt if you complete the ride. My blogging will return on June 27.

Think of the next week as “rerun week”. Better yet, remember how TV shows try to sell an episode as new, when it is only a compilation of flashbacks to previous shows. Friends was famous for this tactic. Sounds a lot like a Pet Peeve, huh? Which is a nice seque to a summary of the last three months in Blogosphere.

Three days of the week are devoted to specific categories: Pet Peeve Monday, Where Are They Now? Wednesday, and Friday Funny. In between are an eclectic bag of musings, stories, similes, homilies, anecdotes, etc.

PET PEEVE MONDAY

April 3 – Daylight Savings Time
April 10 – Disorganized / Distracted Grocery Shoppers
April 17 – Everything Has To Be Political
April 24 – Failure to STOP

May 1 – Illegal Immigrants
May 8 – Highway Rock Gathers
May 15 – One Name Celebrities
May 22 – TV Series Finales
May 29 – Jimmy Hoffa Search

June 5 –Commencement Speakers
June 12 – Athletes without Helmets


WHERE ARE THEY NOW? WEDNESDAY

May 10 – What About Brian?
May 17 – What happened to Bobby Brady?
May 24 – Jerry, Come out, come out, wherever you are?
May 31 – Where is Jimmy Hoffa?

June 7 – America’s Cup – 1985, Crewmate Ed – Lost At Sea?
June 14 –Local Village People Loses Seaman


FRIDAY FUNNY

March 31 – Liza Minneli
April 7 – George Carlin
April 14 – Tree Falls in Forest
April 21 – Madeline Albright Pumping Iron
April 28 – Special Delivery (Pizza w/ everything including a corpse)

May 5 – Jim’s Hole In One
May 12 – Yard Art
May 19 – Runaway Bride Update
May 26 – Beating Anorexia

June 2 – John Kerry’s Favorite Joke
June 9 - De-Motivational Speaker


The 5 People I Meet in Hell
April 28 - #5 – Oprah Winfrey
May 2 - #4 – Star Jones
May 11- # 3 – Eva Longoria
# 2 – Coming Soon
#1 – Coming after # 2

SPORTS

April 4 – Baseball – The One Constant
April 22 - Bowling Alley-Gations
April 29 – Baseball Today
April 30 – The Kentucky Derby
May 5 – Golf – Hole In One
May 27 - The Indianapolis 500
June 8 – Jason LaRue
June 10 – The World Cup
June 12 - Ben Roethlisberger


CELEBRITIES

March 31 – Liza Minnelli
April 5 – Katie Couric
April 7 – George Carlin
April 18 – George Michael
April 21 - Madeleine Albright
April 30 - Howard Cosell
May 9 – O.J. Simpson
May 18 - Ron Howard
May 27 – Scott Sharp
June 2 – John Kerry
June 14 – The Village People

TOPICAL TOPICS

March 29 – Illegal Aliens
March 30- Having Three Kids
May 1 – Illegal Immigration
May 16 - Alligator Aggregation
June 6 – US Airway Cut Backs


PROJECTS

March 29 – Bike Rack
April 13 - Planter Preparation
April 19 - Bridge Repair
April 23 - Tree house


MISCELLANEOUS
April 15 – Twenty Years Later
May 14 – Happy Mother’s Day
June 13- The Next Ben Franklin?