June 30 - Friday Funny - Jesse Jackson

It appears that “The Reverend” Jesse Jackson has apparently moved to the “ B-list" of activists. He has been passed by the likes of Bono, Angelina Jolie, and the upstart duo of Bill Gates and Warren Buffet. Two people haven’t taken America by storm this fast since Milli Vanilli.

The sign of his personal apocalypse came as Jackson showed up this week in Louisville to address the annual meeting of the Jockeys' Guild. Yes, jockeys, the vertically challenged people that ride horses. Jackson seems an incongruous figure in this setting. There are no civil rights issues on the Guild's agenda.

What’s next, the Lilliputians suing Gulliver for missing royalties or the Wizard of Oz Munchkins demanding the ability to NOT follow the yellow brink road?

For my FUNNY FRIDAY, here is one of my favorite Jesse Jackson jokes:

Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley, on his way home from work at City Hall, came to a dead halt in traffic on the Dan Ryan Expressway and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's moving at all."

He noticed a State Trooper walking back and forth between the lines of cars, so he rolled down his window and asked, "Officer, I'm Mayor Richard M. Daley, what's the problem; what's holding everything up."

The trooper replied, "It's the Reverend Jackson. He's so depressed about the thought of everyone knowing about his extra-martial affair and his illegitimate child, that he stopped his car in the middle of the Dan Ryan Expressway and is threatening to douse himself with gasoline and set himself on fire. He says the country and his congregation are blaming him for his infidelity and doesn't know if he can live with the shame and embarrassment. The people in the halted cars along the expressway are taking up a collection for him."

"Oh really," replied Mayor Daley. "How much have they collected for the Reverend Jackson so far?"

"About 300 gallons," said the trooper, "but they are still siphoning"

June 28 - Where Are They Now? Wednesday - Star Jones

This week, I offer you a futuristic view of “Where Are They Now? Wednesday”.

Fast forward, if you will, to June 27, 2007.

It has been one year since Star Jones Reynolds has left The View.

Back in the present day, actually present day -yesterday; Star Jones announced she is leaving "The View." In truth, she was FIRED.

Star first appeared on my blog on May 2 as one of the 5 people I will meet in hell.

Barbara Walters said ABC network chiefs had decided last fall not to renew Reynolds' contract because its research showed that Reynolds had turned viewers off. Reynolds had been criticized for a Web site that promoted companies that donated items for her wedding.

My research indicated people wanted to know one thing, “Why did it take so long to fire this talent-less, insincere camera hog?”

It looked like a love fest when her departure was announced on the air on Tuesday’s show. But after Jones Reynolds was quoted yesterday by People magazine saying that her contract for a 10th season wasn't renewed and "I feel like I was fired," Walters threw her under the bus with the above comments.

Rumor has it that the bus was a total loss after hitting Star’s ego and ass.

So far, Jones Reynolds' employment future is unclear. But starting July 10, she'll host the already-taped week-long HGTV series "House Hunters NYC," in which folks are helped in their search for a place to live.

A future episode, “House Hunters – Trailer Park” will detail Star as she settles into her new double-wide trailer somewhere south of Biloxi.

Which brings back to today’s theme, “Where Are They Now? Wednesday.” In June 2007, no one will know or care where Star Jones Reynolds has gone.

June 27 - Bike Trip Summary

I’m back from my mini-vacation. Some people go to Disney World, some do court ordered community service; I went on a 200-mile bike ride along the Chesapeake and Ohio Canal. The canal follows the Potomac River and runs from Cumberland, MD through WV and VA and ends in Washington DC.

My sister and brother-in-law, avid marathoners, proposed the bike trip when we were full of holiday cheer last December. I said, “Great, no problem, I’ve ridden a bike.”

Using my Project Management skills, I planned and end-to-end trip with stops at several venues along the way to take in the local culture and history. My wife, Heidi, would provide the team support by driving the car and baggage from destination to destination.

The plan included stops in Cumberland, MD, Paw Paw, WV, Hancock, MD, Shepherdstown, WV, Leesburg, VA and Georgetown, MD.

There were only two obstacles to prevent me from participating; my shortage of gear and lack of training.

I did not have a bike, biking clothes, or a bike helmet.

So I borrowed my brother’s mountain bike. I laundered my one pair of bike shorts each night in my shower and I borrowed my 5-year-old son’s Spiderman helmet.

I got many double takes along the route with the Spiderman helmet. It had dramatic effect when I would quote Peter Parker as I passed slower bikers along the way.

“With great power, comes great responsibility. It is my gift, my curse. Who am I? I’m SPIDERMAN!!!”

As for training, I went to the gym religiously, every Sunday. However stationary bike training cannot simulate actual road conditions. I did fine until the end of the second day. My stamina was great, but my bottom was battered and bruised.

What saved my ass, literally and figuratively was a bike shop in Hancock, MD. They sold me the “Cloud Nine” bicycle seat. (photo at left) It was just wide enough and soft enough to ease my pain as we headed into Day 3, a 54-mile segment.

It was a great experience seeing the C&O Canal, the Potomac River and several historic Revolutionary and Civil War sites.

As I mentioned, I only had one true biking outfit. What was amazing was the outfits my brother- in- law would wear each day. I dubbed him an official “Biking Wiggle” as he had a different color shirt for each day.

For my next vacation, I’m going to Disneyland, via plane, in August. As for my brother-in-law, I believe the Bay to Breakers race would be a viable option.

June 16 - CROSS INDEX

As I approach three months as a BLOGGER. I thought I would offer a Subject / Topic Cross Index to any new readers to catch up.

I will be gone next week on a 200-mile bike ride. Why, I’m not sure, but I hear you get a free shirt if you complete the ride. My blogging will return on June 27.

Think of the next week as “rerun week”. Better yet, remember how TV shows try to sell an episode as new, when it is only a compilation of flashbacks to previous shows. Friends was famous for this tactic. Sounds a lot like a Pet Peeve, huh? Which is a nice seque to a summary of the last three months in Blogosphere.

Three days of the week are devoted to specific categories: Pet Peeve Monday, Where Are They Now? Wednesday, and Friday Funny. In between are an eclectic bag of musings, stories, similes, homilies, anecdotes, etc.

PET PEEVE MONDAY

April 3 – Daylight Savings Time
April 10 – Disorganized / Distracted Grocery Shoppers
April 17 – Everything Has To Be Political
April 24 – Failure to STOP

May 1 – Illegal Immigrants
May 8 – Highway Rock Gathers
May 15 – One Name Celebrities
May 22 – TV Series Finales
May 29 – Jimmy Hoffa Search

June 5 –Commencement Speakers
June 12 – Athletes without Helmets


WHERE ARE THEY NOW? WEDNESDAY

May 10 – What About Brian?
May 17 – What happened to Bobby Brady?
May 24 – Jerry, Come out, come out, wherever you are?
May 31 – Where is Jimmy Hoffa?

June 7 – America’s Cup – 1985, Crewmate Ed – Lost At Sea?
June 14 –Local Village People Loses Seaman


FRIDAY FUNNY

March 31 – Liza Minneli
April 7 – George Carlin
April 14 – Tree Falls in Forest
April 21 – Madeline Albright Pumping Iron
April 28 – Special Delivery (Pizza w/ everything including a corpse)

May 5 – Jim’s Hole In One
May 12 – Yard Art
May 19 – Runaway Bride Update
May 26 – Beating Anorexia

June 2 – John Kerry’s Favorite Joke
June 9 - De-Motivational Speaker


The 5 People I Meet in Hell
April 28 - #5 – Oprah Winfrey
May 2 - #4 – Star Jones
May 11- # 3 – Eva Longoria
# 2 – Coming Soon
#1 – Coming after # 2

SPORTS

April 4 – Baseball – The One Constant
April 22 - Bowling Alley-Gations
April 29 – Baseball Today
April 30 – The Kentucky Derby
May 5 – Golf – Hole In One
May 27 - The Indianapolis 500
June 8 – Jason LaRue
June 10 – The World Cup
June 12 - Ben Roethlisberger


CELEBRITIES

March 31 – Liza Minnelli
April 5 – Katie Couric
April 7 – George Carlin
April 18 – George Michael
April 21 - Madeleine Albright
April 30 - Howard Cosell
May 9 – O.J. Simpson
May 18 - Ron Howard
May 27 – Scott Sharp
June 2 – John Kerry
June 14 – The Village People

TOPICAL TOPICS

March 29 – Illegal Aliens
March 30- Having Three Kids
May 1 – Illegal Immigration
May 16 - Alligator Aggregation
June 6 – US Airway Cut Backs


PROJECTS

March 29 – Bike Rack
April 13 - Planter Preparation
April 19 - Bridge Repair
April 23 - Tree house


MISCELLANEOUS
April 15 – Twenty Years Later
May 14 – Happy Mother’s Day
June 13- The Next Ben Franklin?

June 15 - Thomas Joseph Beall

Yesterday I received the news I had been expecting, but hoped wouldn’t happen. A friend from my California days had succumbed to cancer.

Tom Beall was 47. We weren’t close friends but had socialized many times as we had a common friend. We had attended each other’s wedding in Sacramento, mine in 1992 and his in 1993. After I had moved back to Ohio in 1996 we only connected through Christmas card missives.

From his online obituary, it states, “Tom enjoyed life, especially when he was working on his yard, driving his car, watching action movies, listening to 70's rock and roll music, or just hanging out at home with his wife, Rita, and his cat, Jack.”

It’s sad that when we die they have to recapitulate our entire life in one sentence. I always wonder what my “sentence” will read.

I always remember the quote from Abraham Lincoln. “And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.”

Everyone should take pause today to hug their child, spouse, parent, or friend.

Remembrances may be made in Tom's name to the Kaiser Permanente Hospice Program, 2025 Morse Avenue, Sacramento, CA 95825, or to the American Cancer Society.

June 14 -Where Are They Now? Wednesday - Village People Lose Seaman

This week’s Where are They Now? Wednesday is The Village People. Not the original group, but a group of middle aged STRAIGHT men that dressed up as The Village People. When people ask me why? I say “Why Not?”

To put it in the proper context, The Village People were playing a post-game concert at a Cincinnati Reds game in June 2002. In Cincinnati, many people get all dressed up in the parrot-phernalia for Jimmy Buffet concerts, so I figured the same thing would happen for The Village People. As it happened, we were the only ones that decided to participate in the tribute to one of the top Disco groups of all time.

Many baseball fans thought we were the real deal. We had our pictures taken, got a few free drinks, had several dollar bills stuffed in our pants, mostly by women. Our Indian actually took out pictures of his children to prove to some patrons that he was not gay. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

We made the local news and were on ESPN Sports Center.

Pictured below are your 2002 Village People: Sailor (Porter), Construction Worker (Jay), Biker (Jim), Indian (Scott), Cowboy (Jeff).
We tried to recruit a Cop, but in 2002 there had been urban unrest in Cincinnati. Nobody wanted to be the fake cop during a real riot. The Where Are They Now? concerns our Sailor. He has not been seen in some time. The rest of the group golfs, travels, and attends baseball games together (in normal clothes). We thought about taking out an ad in the local paper, “Local Village People Group Loses Seaman.”

Anyone knowing the whereabouts of our Sailor, please advise. Rumor has it that KISS is coming to town and we need a Gene Simmons type.

For those of you who wonder about the real Village People: only three members of the original group are still performing in the group. The Cowboy, Biker, and Cop have moved on.

Randy Jones, the original Cowboy currently lives in New York City with his husband.

Glenn M Hughes, the original Biker, died of lung cancer in 2001.

Victor Edward Willis, the original Cop, married former television star Phylicia Rashad in 1978 but was divorced in 1980. Around the time of his divorce, Willis was also fired from the Village People for cocaine abuse. He was replaced by Ray Simpson. Ray’s sister is Valerie Simpson of the famous duo Ashford & Simpson.

Ironically, the Cop has been in and out of jail since 1997. As of now, he is doing nightly shows in the San Mateo County Jail.

On January 24, 2006, Willis failed to appear for a San Mateo County Superior Court hearing on weapons and drugs charges stemming from an earlier arrest. After two months on the run as a fugitive from justice, Willis was arrested on March 26, 2006 (mug shot on the left). He was actually featured on the TV show, America’s Most Wanted. (Must have been sweeps week.)

At that time, Assistant District Attorney Morley Pitt commented, "it's just sad that his life has spiralled down to the point where in all likelihood he's going to go to prison".

I believe Willis entered the “sucking vortex of doom” by turning his back on Disco. Drug use was just a “Inconvenient Truth” to quote Al Gore. Al Gore will be the feature of Where are They Now? Wednesday on November 5, 2008.

June 13 - The Next Ben Franklin?

It’s about time people started to take notice of my great ideas. It’s analogous to the recent findings of the Gospel according to Judas. It provides a fresh, somewhat contrary view of events. I’m referring, of course, to the Cincinnati Enquirer printing my Letter To The Editor response to Jason Larue’s comments about not being the starting catcher. You can see my June 8, 2006 Blog for my full opinion on the matter.



It may seem trite to focus on a letter about the silly game of baseball, but if you recall your American History, Benjamin Franklin got started the same way. Interestingly, many of his early letters and op-ed pieces were written under a pseudonym.

After serving an apprenticeship to his father between the ages of 10 and 12, Benjamin went to work for his half-brother James, a printer. In 1721, James founded the New England Courant, the fourth newspaper in the colonies. Benjamin secretly contributed 14 essays to it, his first published writings.

I figure if I comment on baseball today, illegal immigration next week, Iraqi war the following week, nuclear proliferation….

It’s only a matter of time until I get the call to be a regular (paid) contributor, ala Ben Franklin.

June 12 - Pet Peeve Monday - Look Ma, No Helmet

This week’s PET PEEVE was supposed to be Local Weather reports that pre-empt and interrupt normal programming, usually during sweeps week.

Ironically, that PET PEEVE has been pre-empted by this morning’s news about Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger’s motorcycle accident.

This week’s PET PEEVE is now "Pampered Professional Athletes Who Think They Are Indestructible". They decide to ride motorcycles without helmets only to find that apparently Einstein, Newton, and most importantly Darwin were right.

Roethlisberger is in serious but stable condition and underwent surgery following a head injury he suffered this morning when his motorcycle collided with a car in Pittsburgh.Roethlisberger lost most of his teeth, fractured his left sinus cavity bone, suffered a nine-inch laceration to the back of his head, broke his jaw, and injured both knees when he hit the ground, police said. Roethlisberger was not wearing a helmet.

Roethlisberger is only the latest evidence that athletes and motorcycles are an incongruous combination. Here is the year-by-year summary:

2006 - Houston return specialist Jerome Mathis, a Pro Bowl player, injured his hands and got scrapes and bruises, causing him to miss some off season work.

2005 - Cleveland tight end Kellen Winslow Jr. sustained internal injuries and damage to his right shoulder and right knee, forcing him to miss the season. With his leg still healing from a previous knee injury, he was learning how to ride his new sport bike in a parking lot when he hit a curb and was thrown over the handlebars.

2004 - New York Jets cornerback Jamie Henderson missed the entire season while he rehabbed from injuries sustained in an April wreck. The Jets waived him after he failed a physical.

2003 - Indy Racing League driver Dario Franchitti broke his back in a motorcycle accident and missed several races, including the Indianapolis 500.

2002 - Chicago Bulls guard Jason Williams crashed his new motorcycle into a light pole, fracturing his pelvis, tearing knee ligaments and damaging nerves in his left leg. The former No. 2 NBA draft pick hasn't played in the NBA since. San Francisco Giant Jeff Kent broke his wrist doing stunts on his motorcycle. He initially lied and said he had broken his wrist washing his truck.

2001 - Olympic skier Hermann Maier broke both legs in a wreck and nearly lost one leg.

2000 - Tennessee safety Marcus Robertson needed 150 stitches in his face after a crash in December and missed the regular-season finale.

1999 - Miami defensive end Kenny Mixon missed a game with abrasions and bruises he sustained in a crash after his motorcycle hit a wet spot. New York Giants running back Gary Brown was hospitalized in a hit-and-run motorcycle accident over the summer and was sidelined for a couple of weeks during training camp.

1998 - Green Bay defensive lineman Jermaine Smith smashed his elbow in a June accident, prompting coach Mike Holmgren to prohibit kick returner Glyn Milburn from riding the Harley-Davidson he won as MVP of the American Bowl exhibition in Tokyo.

1997 - Former Major League pitcher Steve Howe, who was attempting a comeback at age 39 with the Sioux Falls Canaries of the independent Northern League, was critically injured in a crash and later charged with drunken driving. Incidentally, Howe died in a car crash earlier this year.

1997 - Buffalo Bills defensive tackle Shawn Price injured his elbow in an off-season wreck and missed the beginning of the season.

1997 - Italian speed skater Orazio Fagone, who won a gold medal in the 5,000-meter short track relay at the 1994 Lillehammer Olympics, had his right leg amputated after a motorcycle accident, ending his hopes for a return to the Nagano Games.

People believe that a God or some “Intelligent Design” gave these individuals unique and special talents to excel at their chosen sports. I would argue that the design was not so intelligent if they weren’t born with helmets. They obviously did not retain the knowledge that any fight between body and pavement can’t be won.

Even Evil Kneival knew to wear a helmet. He did not know, however, that the Snake River could not be jumped.

My girls (Skye -left, Sophia - right) were not born with extra strength cranial containers (hard heads). They do know enough to wear helmets when they ride a bike. Given the inverse correlation between athletes and bike helmets, they will never play in the WNBA. However if the WNBA is still around in 15 years, I will owe a lot of people a lot of money.

June 10 - GOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL

The 2006 World Cup started on Friday. Now, I’m no soccer fan. As a matter of fact, none of my four children have ever played the game and they never will. I watch the local soccer moms (and dads) cheer their kids, ringing those cowbells. The kids are decked out in pads from head to toe. They look like miniature “Michelin Men”. For the post game, they form a human tunnel and the kids run the gauntlet like co-eds at a tail hook convention. Then it’s off to the local Dairy Queen to gorge themselves on super sized Blizzards.

Give me old-fashioned Little League baseball any day. But I digress.

I do like World Cup soccer because it brings out the patriot in me. I see a patriot; others may just see “An Ugly American.” It also only happened every four years.

For two of the last three World Cups, I was out of the country for the final. I can only compare the local excitement to what it must have felt like to be in a Boston pub during game #4 of the 2004 World Series.

For the 1994 World Cup, I was vacationing in England with my wife. We were in the midst of a cross-country rail trip from Looe, Cornwall to Aberdeen, Scotland and decided to spend a night in the little town of York. We viewed the final match in a local pub as Brazil beat Italy in Penalty kicks. Not sure if that is correct terminology, and I don’t care.

When a local bar patron (i.e. soccer hooligan) inquired as for whom I was rooting, I said “I’m Switzerland.” Well that does not mean the same thing in Europe, during the World Cup, and it does in the USA. Turns out there are people in the world that do NOT like Switzerland or at least Switzerland futbol.

As I fast forward to 1998 World Cup, I spent most of June on a worldwide tour deploying resources to protect the world from the Y2K virus. I did a hell of a job and yes, you’re welcome.

My trip took me from Japan, to Singapore, through Australia, ending in Zurich, Switzerland. I caught many games along the way. When no one showed up for the second half of the seminar in Zurich, I went to the hotel bar only to find all of the attendees watching the World Cup final as France bested Brazil. This time when someone asked for whom I was rooting, I said, “USA”. I should have said Switzerland. Damn.

For the 2002 World Cup, I stayed stateside. I don’t remember if the games were on TV or who won. Nobody asked as for whom I was rooting, and I did not offend any one.

For the 2006 World Cup, I’m not sure if the USA has much of a chance. I didn’t pick them in my June Joyness Bracketology Poll. (Doesn’t sound as appealing as March Madness, does it?)

However, if we have 11 million illegal immigrants in the country, you would think we could find at least 11 that could play soccer. The odds are only 1 for every million. Maybe we could offer a better wage and a fast track to citizenship. It worked for former Canadian, Tanith Belbin.

By a special act of Congress on December 28, 2005, which President George W. Bush signed on December 31, 2005, Belbin became a naturalized citizen, effectively making her able to compete for the United States at the 2006 Winter Olympics.

If you don’t remember this, it only confirms my fears that I have a PBS mind in a MTV world. Go watch Survivor XX. Big Brother 12, American Idol 17, The Amazing Race 16.

You’re Fired.

Deal or No Deal?

June 9 - Friday Funny

As I approach the one-year anniversary of my retirement, at times I become restless. I wonder, if I was to start a second career what would it be? One thought I tossed around was to be a DE-MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER.

Many people call themselves Motivational Speakers. They are really just failed comics with business degrees. I saw many during my years in the corporate world. They would come in, tell a few jokes, usually with a few tailored toward your company or industry, act as cheerleaders in rallying the troops, cash the checks before the ink was dry, and head off to their next gig.

What would have been funny if they would have brought in Chandrashekhar from India to be the Speaker. They’ve outsourced most other jobs, why not this one.

In today’s corporate culture, I would like to suck the life out of these people and become a DE-MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER. Not the best speaker, because that would be ironic. I would like to be a mediocre DE-MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER.

Here are some sayings I found surfing the web:

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings...they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.

Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Plagiarism saves time.

If at first you don't succeed, try management.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

TEAMWORK... means never having to take all the blame yourself.

Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.

Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.

June 8 - Ignorant Without Any Tools

In yesterday’s Cincinnati Enquirer, it chronicles that Jason Larue was signed to a two-year; $9.1 Million deal this off-season. He stated, “I signed here to be starting catcher.”

Jason Larue is battiing.171 this season. He is a .243 career hitter that strikes out once every 3.42 at bat. For the longest time, my son thought his first name was Kevin as the box score always said, K. – Larue.

Wayne Krivsky should put Mr. Larue and his exorbitant salary on the same bus with Dan’O’Briens’ other great signings, Josh Hancock, Tony Womack and David Williams.

Mr. Larue is not even a mediocre catcher. He consistently leads the league in passed balls and Red’s pitchers have a higher ERA when Larue catches. Below average results should not be accepted. Mediocrity should not be rewarded. His petulant behavior comes at a time when his replacement, David Ross, is batting .333 and the Reds are in first place. Mr. Krivsky, continue your purge of the failed moves of your predecessor. Show Mr. Larue and his attitude the way to San Jose as in the San Jose Giants (Class A Ball).

The Catching position is sometimes referred as the “Tools of Ignorance” a baseball catcher wears a mask, shin guards, and chest padding. Jason Larue is “Ignorant WITHOUT Any Tools.”

June 7 - Where are They Now? Wednesday

This week’s Where Are They Now? Wednesday goes back to 1985. The scene was a Halloween costume contest within the Oregon Entertainment district in Dayton, Ohio. The America’s Cup was all the rage that month. Taking advantage of the hype your Captain, first from the left, organized a shipbuilding that would put Noah to shame.
Housing a crew of six mates and up to six additional female passengers, the boat was self-propelled on low cost fuel, Old Milwaukee, I believe. Storage space at the bow and stern would hold enough fuel for the entire night. If the casts of Lost or Gilligan’s Island were taking notes of our construction those shows would be short timers.

The question is what happened to the rest of my mates?

Next to the captain is Ed. Ed was last seen in 1995 at the Kickoff Classic when Ohio State beat Boston College. Ed pulled a muscle on the first play from scrimmage during the post game parking lot football game. Ed is on the 3,916 day disabled list.

Third from the left is Scott. Scott moved from Dayton to Toledo to Sacramento and finally back to the Cincinnati area. Rumors that Scott tried an alternative life style (not that there is anything wrong with that) while living in Sacramento proved untrue and malicious. Scott was last seen driving somewhere near Lima (Ohio not Peru).

Third from the right is Mike. Mike is a lot like Punxsutawney Phil from Groundhog Day. Mike is only heard from once a year. It occurs about 5 days after I send out my Christmas Cards. Mike then disappears until the next XMAS season.

Second from the right is Karl (with a K). Karl left Dayton soon after this picture was taken under mysterious circumstances. A significant drop in sales of hair gel products was linked to his moves from city to city throughout Ohio. Karl surfaced in 2004 in Columbus, OH. But, as quickly as he appeared he went on the lam again.

Finally on the far right we have George. George and the Captain moved to Huntington Beach in 1987. George made cameo appearances throughout the years at various Ohio State Football games. He was last seen at a Mexican Restaurant in Southern California (is there any other kind?) in 2004. George called last month to see if I wanted to meet up with him in Austin TX in September of this year when Ohio State visits Texas. The conversation went like this:

Jay: “George, you got airfare to Austin?”

George: “No.”

Jay: “George, you got a Hotel in Austin?”

George: “No.”

Jay: “George, you got tickets to the game?

George: “No.”

Jay: “George, what do you have?”

George: (after a long pause) “A football schedule.”

Some things never change.

If you or any of your friends or relatives have any additional information about Ed, Scott, Mike, Karl, or George, please post a comment.

By the way, we won that 1986 Halloween Costume Contest in Dayton, OH. It would start a string of several Costume Contest winners that would go on for many years. These victories will be chronicled within this blog at some point.

June 6 - Aw, Nuts!!! (or lack there of)

US Airways announces that they have stopped serving peanuts because of concerns about passengers who are allergic to the snacks. (Peanuts bumped from US Airways flights, USA Today, June 5, 2006) Do they really think the traveling public is that stupid?

Tell us the real reason. The CEO wants to make his millions and save a few dollars on the bottom line by eliminating a minor “luxury”. Stop insulting our collective intelligence with this lame message about protecting us from ourselves.

People that shouldn’t eat peanuts will get their supply somewhere. It could be in a baseball park, the circus, or in a seedy back alley of a large city. Remember, Prohibition in the 1920’s never worked.

US Airways bring back my peanuts! If people that are allergic to peanuts still eat them, I say fine. Let Darwin work his magic. It should free up some space and provide me an aisle seat on my next flight.

June 5 - Pet Peeve Monday

This week’s PET PEEVE is Commencement Speakers. More specifically, Commencement Speakers that should not be allowed to give advice to new college graduates.

Here is sample list of this year’s commencement speakers, where they spoke, and their qualifications:

Ellen DeGeneres – Tulane University - Attended University of New Orleans for one semester

Lance Armstrong – Tufts University – Withdrew from Plano High School six weeks before end of senior year

Melissa Etheridge - Berklee College of Music - Dropped out of said college during 2nd semester

Billy Joel – Syracuse University – Left Hicksville (NY) High School one credit short of graduation

I would have been insulted after paying $100K and giving up four years of my life for a college degree to find out if I only peddled my bike faster, played the piano, or became a lesbian, I could have been more successful.

These people are NOT qualified to give advice on crossing the street.

When I graduated for The Ohio State University, we had John Glenn as our commencement speaker. While I didn’t necessarily agree with his politics, Mr. Glenn was clearly qualified to provide advice. John Glenn was an American astronaut, Marine Corps fighter pilot, corporate executive, and Senater from Ohio.

John Glenn was one of the original group of Mercury astronauts for the Project Mercury. He was accurately profiled in the movie, The Right Stuff.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, JOHN GLENN GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE. (Muskingum College – 1942)

While at The Ohio State University, my Marketing 650 instructor, Roger Blackwell, had Dave Thomas come to speak to us during my junior year. Dave Thomas was the founder of Wendy's.

Dave Thomas never graduated from High School.
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June 2 - Friday Funny

It’s time again for the FRIDAY FUNNY.

The Fisherman and the Balloonist:

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a fisherman in a boat below.

She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault."

This joke is very timely because this week the Associated Press reported the state-by-state rankings of the most liberal states. New Mexico and New York share the top spot while Ohio finished last. Wow, and people were surprised John Kerry lost Ohio in 2004.

The rankings were compiled by the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force and two abortion-rights groups, Ipas and the SisterSong Women of Color Reproductive Health Collective.

States were scored cumulatively based on 25 different laws, ranging from restrictions on abortion to recognition of same-sex partnerships to the availability of emergency contraception.

Following New York and New Mexico in the Top 10 at the liberal end of the rankings were New Jersey, Washington, California, Vermont, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Connecticut and Hawaii. Joining Ohio at the other end of the scale were South Dakota, Indiana, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Mississippi, Kentucky, Utah, Nebraska and Missouri.

I am so happy to hear OHIO finished where it did. I only moved back to OHIO 10 years ago and I dreaded the idea I would have to move to South Dakota already. GO BUCKS.

May 29 - Pet Peeve Monday / May 31 - Where Are They Now? Wednesday

This week provided the unique ability to combine Pet Peeve Monday with Where Are They Now? Wednesday.

The subject is none other than Jimmy Hoffa. Mr. Hoffa was was a noted American labor leader with ties to the Mafia.

First off, the PET PEEVE. This man / gangster disappeared at around 2:30pm on July 30, 1975 from the parking lot of the Machus Red Fox Restaurant in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan, a suburb of Detroit. He had been due to meet two Mafia leaders, Anthony "Tony Jack" Giacalone from Detroit and Anthony "Tony Pro" Provenzano from Union City, New Jersey. Yes that was almost 31 years ago.

His fate is a mystery that continues to this day and there are many guesses as to what became of him. Among these are that Hoffa was killed and:

• Dumped from a boat into Lake St. Clair, Lake Huron or Lake Erie;


• put into a wood chipper with the remaining parts fed to hogs.


• mixed with concrete and used in construction;


• dissolved in an acid tank used to re chrome car bumpers;


• rendered into fat at a rendering plant;


• put into a local Detroit smelter and melted.

Conspiracy theorists have even floated the hypothesis that it is Hoffa, not Elvis Presley, in Elvis Presley's grave. No theory has been proven and his body has never been found.

On May 17, 2006, acting on a tip, the FBI began digging for Hoffa's remains outside of a barn on what is now the Hidden Dreams Farm in Milford Township, Michigan where they surveyed the land and began to dig up parts of the 85-acre parcel, according to federal officials. Over 40 agents have sectioned off a piece of the property where they believe the bones of the Teamster leader might be. The investigation team includes forensic experts from the bureau's Washington laboratory and a team of scientists that includes anthropologists, archaeologists, engineers and architects who will accompany local police and cadaver dogs for the next two weeks.

On May 24, 2006 the FBI removed a large barn on the farm to look under it for Hoffa.

On May 30, 2006 the FBI ended the search for Hoffa's body without any remains found at the Hidden Dreams Farm in Milford Township.

Here’s the PET PEEVE. How much money did this cost Tax Payers? What are they going to do when they dig him up? They’ll say “Yup, that’s Jimmy Hoffa.” And then they will bury him again. Also at the Tax Payer’s expense.

Here’s Jay’s Solution. Erect a TOMB of the UNKNOWN SCUMBAG. Place it somewhere in Michigan. (Most of them live there anyway and it would cut down on transportation costs.) Add a gift shop and a few kiddie rides and America will come, oh yes, they will come.

As for the WHERE ARE THEY NOW? WEDNESDAY. Where is Jimmy Hoffa? Who Knows and Who Cares. America has moved on to fictional mobsters like Tony Sopranos. At least for a few more episodes.