January 31 - Exploratory Committee Update

Since I began blogging last March, my cognitive recognition of world events has been raised. My Pet Peeve Mondays have provided not only an outlet to release a little angst at minor nuisances like:

Day Light Savings Time
Waitresses That Provide Too Much Information
Children On Phones

but it has also let me address larger pictures issues like:

Second Amendment
Revisionist Historians
Non-Voters

Last Monday, I Peeved about Exploratory Committees and their hypocrisy. I felt strongly about the subject and sent off a Cliff Notes version of my blog to USA Today. Today they printed my missive.

Finally, the USA Today Editorial Board did not utilize their editorial control to change the context of my letter. It was printed verbatim.

Joe Biden must have read the letter, because he entered the Presidential Race today. He DID NOT form an EXPLORATORY COMMITTEE. He did not pass GO and collect untold monies because of a loophole. He went straight to the deep end of the pool.

However, Biden will not have my support due to his rambling speeches, his penchant for plagiarism, and his incredible insecurity about his hair.

He was bald in the 80’s, but underwent some strange hair replacement procedure. It probably involved some illegal stem cell experiment.

At least Rudy Giuliani wised up and lost the comb-over and embraced his baldness. I do respect the fact that Biden’s kick-off campaign was held at the local Hooters.

It says a lot about a man’s character, or lack there of, when he tries to pull the wool or in this case, hair over his own eyes. Donald Trump, are you listening?

January 29 - Pet Peeve Monday - Barbaro, the Other White Meat

This week’s PET PEEVE MONDAY is about the untimely death of the horse known as Barbaro.

What is untimely is that it came eight months too late and too much has been made of it. It was featured on all the major networks and news web sites.

Mr. Ed (at right) didn’t receive as much coverage, and he was a talking horse, of course, of course.

Mr. Ed, the TV show, ran from 1961-1966. Ironically, Mr. Ed suffered a broken leg in 1970. It was rumored that he tripped over Tiger, the dog from the Brady Bunch, during a late night cow tipping incident on the Green Acres set. Mr. Ed was quietly put down with NO publicty.

My PEEVE about Barbaro was the endless, mindless, coverage of Barbaro, his injury, his recovery, and finally his non-recovery. He was the Ariel Sharon of the equestrian world.

What about all of the other race horses that have been tragically injured and euthanized since Barbaro’s collapse at the 2006 Preakness? What about those horses, are they not worthy? In the American Media, only winners should be covered.

Well-wishers sent cards, flowers, gifts, goodies and even religious medals for the champ. Thousands of e-mails poured into the hospital's Web site just for Barbaro. He is a horse THAT CANNOT READ. Barbaro probably did not have Internet access, at least not high speed, not in a barn.

Where was the coverage of the 2 brave U.S. soldiers that died yesterday in the helicopter crash in Iraq? Their efforts helped eliminate 200 insurgents. Their heroic story was bumped for a HORSE.

As I read the news release of Barbaro's passing, I was stunned by the quotes.

I HATE TO BEAT A DEAD HORSE, but it was as if we lost someone that had cured cancer, written a best seller, and saved a family of baby ducks from a fire.

"Certainly, grief is the price we all pay for love," said co-owner Gretchen Jackson.

"It hinged on what we said all along, whether or not we thought his quality of life was acceptable.” said chief surgeon Dr. Dean Richardson invoking visions of Dr. Kevorkian.

"This horse was a hero," said David Switzer, executive director of the Kentucky Thoroughbred Association.

I believe Gerald Ford would have said, if he too, was still alive. "Our long national night mare is now over."

People donated money to the Barbaro Fund. Over $1.2 million was raised since early June. The money was put toward needed equipment such as an operating room table, and a raft and sling for the same pool recovery Barbaro used after his surgeries. This, in a country that cannot insure it’s poor, a horse gets over $1M.

Barbaro’s parents, La Ville Rouge and Dynaformer, were in reclusion and unavailable for comment. You know why? BECAUSE THEY ARE HORSES. Where is the Horse Whisperer when you need her?

One thing I learned when studying American history is that Native Americans and many early westerners ate horse meat. Apparently, the Donner party decided not to eat their horses and went another route instead. How did that turn out for them?

In my world travels, I’m sure I might have had a horse appetizer at some point.

So in honor of Barbaro’s passing, I would like to offer a toast of my glass of Chianti. According to the Wine Spectator-Japan, it's the beverage of choice with horse.

January 26 - Friday Funny - Children's Songs

There is no school today due to a “teacher in-service” day. Whatever that is? I would have hoped that the teachers would have been fully trained prior to the start of the school year.

At any rate, with the kids out of school, I reviewed the plethora of entertainment options available to our youth. It’s unbelievable: I-pods, Gameboys, Xboxes, videos, CDs, 500 channel satellite TVs, etc.

I think one of my future Pet Peeve Mondays will address the outsourcing of our young toddlers’ edutainment to non-US entities: Teletubbies (England), Wiggles (Australia), Pokeman (Japan). Forty years ago, we only had two true Americans: Captain Kangaroo and Mister Rogers. Although, Mr. Rogers would probably be subjected to some rumored pedophile proclivity based on his mannerisms and dress if he was around today.

As a child, we only had books, puzzles and our imagination. We did have some music on 45s. I remember three songs in particular: The Chicken Dance, The Bunny Hop, and of course, the HOKEY POKEY.

Which brings me to this week’s FRIDAY FUNNY.

January 24 - Where Are They Now? Wednesday - Geena Davis

This week’s WHERE ARE THEY NOW? WEDNESDAY is Geena Davis.

Geena Davis came to mind as I was watching the State of the Union speech last night. During the speech the cameras kept focusing on the Junior Senator from New York, Hillary Clinton.

Geena Davis starred as the President in the 2005 ABC series, Commander in Chief. The series didn’t last long. Nineteen episodes were filmed, but not all were broadcast. True fans, those that have chosen “not to get a life,” could see all of the episodes via the web.

After USA Today ran a puff piece and tried to prop the show up as the next West Wing, I took except and fired off the below Letter to the Editor.

“I read your Life section October 11, 2005 cover story, “Call her Madame President” about the new series, “Commander in Chief”. I decided to watch the show that night. That is an hour of my life I can never get back.

Bad acting and poor dialogue aside, the plot line was not even plausible. This entire show and your feature of it must be the result of some Vast Left Wing Conspiracy to further the presidential ambitions of one, Hillary Clinton.

One can only hope that more viewers tuned it only to eventually tune out this show and see it for what it is, propaganda.”

In publishing my letter (at right) on October 20, 2005, the phrase “VAST LEFT-WING CONSPIRACY” was changed to “LEFT WING AGENDA”. This small change destroyed the original intent of the letter as a “tongue in cheek” linkage of the new TV show, Hillary Clinton, and her now famous statement about a “Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy.”

Hillary Clinton coined the phrase “Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy” in an interview on NBC's "Today" show in January 1998 while defending President Bill Clinton about allegations that he had had an affair with a White House intern and then lied about it. She said different GOP and conservative groups had been out to get President Clinton and challenged the news media to uncover it.

"Look at the very people who are involved in this," Hillary Clinton said in the interview. "They have popped up in other settings. The great story here for anybody willing to find it, write about it and explain it is this vast right-wing conspiracy that has been conspiring against my husband since the day he announced for president."

By changing the phrase away from “Vast Left-Wing Conspiracy” it makes me look more like Oliver Stone and less like George Will. It changed the true intent of my letter. If you have to explain the joke, then maybe I should save my humor for my next Mensa meeting.

Now, that Hillary Clinton has announced that she has formed an “Exploratory Committee,” the focus of my January 22 Pet Peeve, the Heresy of the TV show has now become the Prophesy.

As for Geena Davis, it just wasn’t a believable show. Every week there was another crisis. There were hostages, near nuclear wars, possible coups, etc. At least George Bush only has one continuing 4-year crisis, Iraq.

Episode 13 was most pathetic or was that prophetic? The first husband finds himself in a compromising position with an intern. I kid you NOT. Not that would ever happen to Willie Clinton.

As for Geena Davis, she is actually a fine actress. She received an Academy Award as Best Supporting Actress for her role in The Accidental Tourist (1988). She was simply miscast as the first female President. Bea Arthur (right) would have been more plausible.

Since the show cancellation, Geena is staying busy. She sits on the Heal Breast Cancer Foundation. The first Heal Breast Cancer Awards & Gala will take place on February 22, 2007 at the Sofitel Hotel in Beverly Hills, CA. Outstanding pioneers in the fields of Integrative Medicine, Socially Conscious Businesses and Arts & Awareness are to be honored.

Other benefit committee includes: Rosie O Donnell, Sir Ben Kingsley, Ben Stiller, Tommy Lee Jones, and Alfre Woodard. I’m not sure I would want to go a dinner with that mix of people unless Donald Trump was there to point out everyone’s shortcomings.

January 22 - Pet Peeve Monday - Exploratory Committees

This week’s PET PEEVE MONDAY is EXPLORATORY COMMITEES.

For the uninformed, Exploratory Committees are what politicians form on their path to run for office.

Exploratory committees allow candidates to “test the waters.” They are formed solely for the purpose of determining the feasibility of an individual’s candidacy for office. The activities of exploratory committees may include polling, travel, and telephone calls to determine whether the individual should become a candidate.

Ron Elving adeptly describes the use of exploratory committees in his article, Declaring for President is a Dance of Seven Veils, which aired on National Public Radio on December 5, 2006.

He writes: “The exploratory committee has been around for decades, and technically it creates a legal shell for a candidate who expects to spend more than $5,000 while contemplating an actual run. Under the rules, exploratory money may be raised without the full disclosure of sources required of true candidates. Only when the candidate drops the exploratory label does the full responsibility of transparency apply.”

Here’s my PEEVE. I don’t want to suppport someone who isn’t sure they want the job as “COMMANDER of the Free World.” If they are unsure about this, would they handle Syria, Iran, and terrorism, with the same lack of tenacity?

I want my President to be forceful and forthright. But probably not as stubborn or obstinate as the current resident of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Also, I don’t want my next President using election loopholes, to raise funds under the radar. Pay close attention to the phrase, “legal shell,” in the above quote.

Election reform is always discussed but NEVER implemented. It’s like the weather. Everyone complains about it, but no one ever does anything about it. Just ask Al Gore.

That said; let me handicap the Democrat candidates that have “declared” their decision to form Exploratory Committees for the 2008 election. Never mind that the Inauguration is 2 years away from last Saturday, the first primary isn’t for over a year, and the last election is still in the rear view mirror.

The Contenders:

Hillary Clinton: She came out this past weekend. No, not as a lesbian. She will save that for Oprah after she loses the primary. She is the front-runner. The fact that she couldn’t stand up to a cheating husband bothers me. How could she handle North Korea? She is not electable, but she will certainly solidify both sides. At the very least, she has afforded me countless material for blogging for the next two years.

Barack Hussian Obama: He is intriguing like the concept cars that are rolled out at the Auto Show each year. They look good, but are untested, and no body wants to be the first to buy. It would be nice if someone had more than 2 years of seasoning before being prompted up as a true candidate by the media. I did purchase his latest book, and I plan to read it (and blog on it) in February.

John Edwards: He began running two years ago. His mail is being forwarded to his new address in Iowa. As the VP candidate in 2004, the gloves never came off. More will be reported, should he be the Democrat nominee, about his coming to wealth as an “ambulance chasing” personal injury attorney. He “earned” $7M on one judgment alone.

The Pretenders:

Bill Richardson: He has some actual experience on his resume. However there are many skeletons in his closet. The latest involves sexual improprieties. However, as Willy Clinton proved, that shouldn’t prohibit someone from holding office and using that office for trysts with junior support staff.

Dennis Kucinich: He has some novel ideas about government, much in the vein (or is it in vain) of Ralph Nader. He would have made a better Canadian.

Chris Dodd: He isn’t even the most recognized Senator in Connecticut (Joe Lieberman).

Mike Gravel: He is a former Senator from Alaska. I need to form an Exploratory Committee just to find out who he is.

Tom Vilsack: He is the Governor of Iowa. He is viable because he is from an early primary state and the fact that he is a Governor. Governors fare much better in Presidential election than Senators. The last sitting Senator elected President was Kennedy in 1960. Since then, Governors Reagan, Carter, Clinton, and Bush II have ascended from the statehouse to the White House.


The Chicken Tenders:

There are still others that are exploring their options for forming an Exploratory Committee. (Is that possible?) They include: Joe Biden, Al Gore, John Kerry, and Wesley Clark.


I’ll provide commentary on the Republican candidates at a later, more appropriate date, like February 2008.

In the mean time, I am forming an EXLORATORY COMMITTEE to find out if I can retrofit my 18 TVs with an “E Chip.” It will work like the V chip that blocks out violent content. My E Chip will block out all Election Commentary and Political Commercials until November 11, 2008.

January 19 - FRIDAY FUNNY - A Concerned Parent?

I love the caption of how the woman is concerned about her unborn child’s health, WHILE SHE SMOKES ON A CIGARETTE!!!

January 17 - Where Are They Now? Wednesday - 500,000 Iraqis

This week’s WHERE ARE THEY NOW? WEDNESDAY is 500,000 Iraqis.

See if you can follow their math, rhetoric aside, because it doesn’t add up.

There are four “Scientific” estimates on the number of Iraqi civilians killed since the start of the war in 2003.

#1 - A study by researchers from the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health used samples of casualties from Iraqi households to extrapolate an overall figure of 601,027 Iraqis dead from violence between March 2003 and July 2006. This “Study” was news on all the major networks last November during the ratings sweeps period.

What they didn’t tell you was that it was an estimate and not a precise count. Researchers acknowledged a margin of error that ranged from 426,369 to 793,663 deaths or more than 360K people, or the population of Honolulu.

If you take this report and project out the months of July-December 2006 on a linear basis, their number of deaths would be 690,000.

#2 - A report from by the U.N. Assistance Mission for Iraq released a report yesterday based upon figures from the Medico-Legal Institute of Baghdad and from hospitals in Iraq. It estimates that 34,452 Iraqis were killed in Iraq in 2006. Again, extrapolated on a linear basis yields a total civilian war death in the war to date of 130,000.

I can’t imagine anyone doubting the U.N. Anyone can lose track of a BILLION Dollars in a food for oil program.

#3 - Iraq’s Health Minister, Ali al-Shimari, made an off-the cuff estimate this past November that he thought 150,000 Iraqis have been killed since the war stated in 2003. Ali could use the same methodology to guestimate how many jellybeans are in the large jar at Floyd’s Barber Shop in Mayberry.

#4 – An organization named, The Iraqi Body Count, (I kid you not, I want that on my business card), has recorded the deaths of more than 52,000 Iraqi civilians since 2003. They do hedge their numbers by saying that many go unreported. You can’t prove a false negative. It’s like if a tree falls in the forest, and if no one is there to hear it, does it make a noise?

So, in summary if you take the 2 most documented studies concerning Iraqi death estimates, you have a 500K + person delta. The number is actually 560,000. (690,000-130,000). However in keeping with the obscure methodology, I rounded my number downward.

My WHERE ARE THEY NOW? WEDNESDAY is what happened to 500,000 people? Are they non-dead, (i.e. alive)? Did someone cook the books for their own political purposes? (nah, that would never happen.) Something is rotten in the state of Denmark (and Iraq), and I don’t think it is decaying corpses.

Maybe, we should poll the American public and see how many Iraqi civilian deaths they think have occurred. You know how I feel about polls.

Speaking about dead bodies, I do have some personal experience.

During the summer break between my freshman and sophomore years in college, I picked up dead bodies for the Zanesville Ambulance Services. I would transport the bodies from their place of death to the morgue or a local funeral home.

I was paid a flat fee of $35 per body, regardless of age, sex, color, creed, method of death, or weight. Sometimes, weight was the one wildcard that could make or break your day.

The body count for the entire summer was 7. I don’t think we needed to extrapolate or interpolate any values, because I know there were 7 bodies I picked up and transported. My W-2 for the year showed a gross, (and I mean gross), earnings of $245.

The next summer I worked at Cedar Point as a “Weight Guesser.” I believe my experience picking up dead bodies not only motivated me to find another job, but also gave me some hands on experience to excel at the amusement park job. After all, no one wants to be dead weight.

Thank you. Thank you. I’ll be here till Thursday. Remember to tip your waiters and waitresses.

January 15 - Pet Peeve Monday - Who Wants More Troops?

This week’s PET PEEVE MONDAY concerns the troop escalations in Iraq.

Now, I don’t know if a troop surge is RIGHT OR WRONG.

You know why? Because I don’t have the required information, background, or skill set to make that call.

Donald Rumsfeld said at a Department if Defense News Briefing on February 12, 2002:

“As we know, there are known, knowns.
There are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns.
That is to say we know there are some things we do not know.
But there are also unknown unknowns, the ones we don't know, we don't know.”

That is pure poetry and positively correct. I DO NOT KNOW, WHAT I DON'T KNOW.

Which brings me to my PET PEEVE. People want to run this war by committee or polls.

An AP-Ipsos poll taken before Bush's announcement of a "surge" in troops found 70 percent opposed to the idea. Two polls taken immediately after the Bush speech showed about 60 percent of Americans not liking the idea. So if Bush gives six more speeches on the subject, then it should be a no-brainer!!! It's amazing that 30% wanted MORE Troops. Who really thinks MORE war is BETTER.

I would bet you that 90% couldn’t find Iraq on a map.

Interestingly:

6% still think Elvis is alive (2002 Fox Poll)
24% believe in UFOs (2004 Fox Poll)
6% believe moon landing was hoax (1999 Gallup poll)
90% of adults believe in God (2003 Harris Poll)
84% of the public believes in miracles (2003 Harris Poll)
68% of the public believes in the devil (2003 Harris Poll)
24% believe in Witches (2004 Fox Poll)

One obscure poll I found was a 2006 Discovery Magazine Poll of 800 readers. They asked what was the greatest Science book ever written?

• The top vote getter (24%) was The Origin of the Species, by Charles Darwin (1859)
• The Bible received 4 votes – I wonder if any were from Kansas
• Dianetics, by L. Ron Hubbard received one vote. I didn’t know Tom Cruise was a Discovery Magazine subscriber.

Too many politicians govern by polls. It was in vogue when Willie Clinton was in office. Speaking of Clinton, I bet if they asked the 100 people if they would like to have syphilis, more than 10% would say sure, thinking it was a new diet drink.

I wonder how many people would have been for D-DAY if they would have known the costs. Approximately 3,000 Americans died on that single day, June 6, 1944. The 3,000 fatalities represents about the same number lost in Iraq to date.

If you remember a couple of months ago, the Democrats put out the talking points that we have now been in Iraq longer than the duration of World War II. Talk about your apples to grenades comparisons!!!

Over 407,000 Americans paid the supreme sacrifice in WW II. You can not correlate this to Iraq. We lost about 3,000 soldiers every 10 days in WW II. Every life is precious, but we need to gain some perspective. In 2000, there were only about 400,000 soldiers on active duty.

Let the people WITH experience decide the correct TACTICAL STRATEGY for waging the war. Don’t ask Joe Public, in the doublewide, what we should do.

In closing, I’ll share with you a funny anecdote, where certain polling can work:

In 1998, I was traveling on a 14-hour flight from Chicago to Hong Kong. About 12 hours into the flight, the pilot comes over the PA and said, “Due to severe head winds, we only have about a 60% chance of having enough fuel to make it to Hong Kong. We going to assess our options and get back to you”

I took a poll of my fellow passengers and advised the flight attendant to tell the captain that, “we (the passengers) are 100% sure, that he should land the plane at the nearest airport and get some more fuel.”

We made an unscheduled landing in Beijing and took on enough fuel to make it to Hong Kong. Now, I’m not sure if my poll influenced the captain’s decision making or not. My polling story is an anecdote not an antidote for managing something that I do not have enough knowledge to comment.

In summary, MY PET PEEVE is PEOPLE WHO WANT TO MANAGE COMPLEX SITUATIONS BY POPULAR OPINION POLLS.

Class Over.

January 12 - Friday Funny - MLK Day

This week’s FRIDAY FUNNY hit me as I was driving down the main thoroughfare in my town. I noticed the below sign offering a great deal for Laser Tag enthusiasts.

My town has 43,853 residents of which 0.7% are black or 306 people.

When I saw the sign, “celebrating” Martin Luther King (MLK) Day, I had to laugh. Only in this community would you want to honor the life of an African American Civil Rights Leader who was slain by a sniper’s bullet, by offering high-powered laser gun warfare, at a discount.

I had previously PET PEEVED about Exploited Holidays, but this goes beyond that.

Either the owners of this Laser Tag facility missed “Sensitivity Day” at school or they have had enough Political Correctness. At any point, I had to laugh.

January 10 - Where Are They Now? Wednesday - Disaster Movies

This week’s WHERE ARE THEY NOW? WEDNESDAY is DISASTER MOVIES.

What ever happened to them? There seemed to be a couple made each year, but not recently. The only recent disaster films were documentaries about the Asian Tsunami and Hurricane Katrina.

Disaster films typically feature large casts and multiple intertwined plotlines. The story focuses on the protagonists' attempts to avert, escape, or cope with the disaster. Along the way, he (it’s ususally a man) will lose a buddy, yet recover from the loss in time to fall in love.

The last good one was Twister and that was made almost 10 years ago. Some may argue that The Day after Tomorrow from 1994 was a good one. But seriously, besides Al Gore, does anyone really buy into that Global Warming thing?

The reason I thought about disaster movies was that my eight-year old daughter is going off to see Grandpa and Grandma this weekend in Los Angeles. Before her head gets filled with all those “California Dreaming” thoughts, I wanted her to see another side of LA.

The last two nights we watched Volcano and Towering Inferno.

Volcano (1997) stars Tommy Lee Jones and Anne (“I’m gay, no, I’m crazy, no I’m straight, but still crazy”) Heche. After a seemingly minor earthquake one night in Los Angeles, a giant burst of lava is released from the La Brea Tar Pits, resulting in the birth of a new volcano under the city. Hundreds die, a dog is saved, and Jones and Heche fall in love.

Towering Inferno (1974) had tons of stars: Paul Newman, Steve McQueen, William Holden, Faye Dunaway, Robert Wagner, Fred Astaire, Richard Chamberlain, and the great humanist, O.J. Simpson. It features a fire in a skyscraper. Hundreds die, a cat is saved, and people fall in love.

If after seeing these movies, my daughter still wants to get on the plane, I rented Earthquake and Snakes on the Plane for the flight out to California.

For those that may wonder about my parenting techniques, I would offer this argument.

What if Mr. and Mrs. Dahmer had let little Jeffrey watch Alive? Alive was the true story of plane crash survivors resorting to cannibalism in order to survive. Maybe Jeffrey Dahmer would have become a vegetarian instead of a cannibal. Just food for thought.

In the end, I’m just trying to influence my daughter’s decision-making and educate her on the mysterious effects of Mother Nature. Class Over.

January 9 - The Morning After

Final score: Florida 41-14. Congrats to the Gators.

So it didn’t turn out as I had hoped. I’m reminded of the 1972 Academy Award winning song, “The Morning After.” It was the love theme from the Poseidon Adventure and was sung by Maureen McGovern.

The lyrics seem to resonate during ensuing story developments in which the survivors of the capsized SS Poseidon brave all odds to live another day. And so life goes on as a Buckeye fan.

Ironically, the song on the B side of the release was “Midnight Storm”, which sort of summed up the Florida offense and defense.

Maureen McGoven also sang the love theme to 1974’s The Towering Inferno. Talk about one disaster after another.

As for OSU Football, all in all in was a great year. There about 120 other schools that would have loved to have gone 12-1 and finished #2 in the polls. BTW – we still beat michigan.

Only 230 days until the start of the 2007 kickoff.

Thanks to all the concerned people that called or emailed me on Tuesday morning. I especially enjoyed hearing from people I had lost contact with over 10 years ago. I don’t remember getting this many messages when OSU won the National Championship in 2003.

Special thanks to Chuck for sending me the below picture of the OSU band at halftime of Monday’s game.

January 8 - Pet Peeve Monday - Toys R Us

It’s time for PET PEEVE MONDAY to return. I took off a few Mondays for the Holidays, but I’m back, and I’m PEEVED.

You can now add Toys R Us to the list of places that I will now Boycott.

Toys R Us traditionally gives $25,000 to the first-born American each January 1.

This year, they came under fire for denying a Chinese-American infant a $25,000 prize because her mother was an illegal alien.

Although promotional materials called for "all expectant New Year's mothers" to apply, the eligibility rules required babies' mothers to be legal residents.

However, Toys R Us reversed its decision after Chinese-American advocates protested.

I guess the eligibility rules were not really rules after all. Maybe, Toys R Us will have another contest on February 18, 2007 when the actual Chinese New Year starts.

The company said Saturday evening it would award each of the three babies in the grand prize pool of the "First Baby of the Year Sweepstakes" a $25,000 savings bond. It turns out, only one of the three babies was born to legal US residents. A small statistical sampling, but a sign of the times.

This is Political Correctness gone mad AGAIN.

I say, fine, give them the money if you want, but put the mother on the next slow boat, … to where, … wait for it, … wait for it, …..to CHINA.

I’m all for LEGAL IMMIGRATION. Our country was founded on the principle.

I’m not for lawbreakers. I previously blogged about Illegal Immigration and my solution on May 1. 2006.

"We love all babies," the company said in a written statement Saturday. NO, they love ALL CONSUMERS. Well count me OUT as a Toys R Us customer.

I guess the baby is much like most of the Toys R Us products and American Flags (see below picture), they are MADE IN CHINA.

January 5 - Friday Funny - Later Gator

If you are wondering why I haven’t used my FRIDAY FUNNY to humiliate Florida like I did to michigan, it is because I don’t have an inbred dislike for the University of Florida. Other reasons include:

Their coach, Urban Meyer, coached at The Ohio State University in the 1980s.

• Their coach, Urban Meyer, was born in Ohio.

• Their coach, Urban Meyer, received a Master’s degree from The Ohio State University in 1988.

• Florida and Ohio State have never met on the football field.

That said, I did not particularly like Meyer’s politicking to get Florida to move ahead of michigan in the BCS polls. However, based on michigan’s collapse in the Rose Bowl, it looks like he may have been right.

Here’s hoping that on Monday night, the Buckeyes make Urban Meyer wish he never left the state of Ohio.

January 4 - Notre Lame

Just as I was compelled to speak out about michigan’s Rose Bowl performance, I must also pontificate about Notre Dame’s 42-14 Sugar Bowl loss to LSU on Wednesday night.

First a couple of disclaimers:

1. I do NOT feel particular disdain towards Notre Dame. I applied and was accepted there for undergraduate studies. However, but for significant reasons, I chose to go to The Ohio State University.


2. Special thanks to my friend, Steven K., for sending me the below facts and statistics for use on my blog.

As Mike Greenberg said on his ESPN radio on Thursday, “there’s three things you can count on in life……death, taxes, and Notre Dame getting shellacked in a bowl game”.

Here are some juicy stats on the “no fight in ‘em” Irish……..

Nine straight bowl game loses (last win on January 1, 1994 by a whopping 3 points vs powerhouse Texas A&M).

The average point differential in these 9 games was 17.7.

The average point differential in the last 5 games was 22.4 (do you detect a trend?).

Since Notre Dame’s last win on 1/1/94, 87 of 119 Division I schools have WON a bowl game (for you poets, that is 73%). Interestingly, this weekend Ohio University and Western Michigan University, two schools that have never won a bowl game (in two attempts each), will be going for #s 88 and 89. WMU will play at noon on Saturday vs. UC, and OU will play at 8pm on Sunday vs. Southern Miss.

In the last two bowl games, Notre Dame had given up 577 yards (to LSU) and 617 yards (to OSU).

I love that 60 Minutes did a fluff piece about the great College Coach Charlie Weis.

During the interview it mentioned that Weis would put his hand on his chin to flaunt his Super Bowl rings to “romance” (their words, not mine) a recruit.

Two thoughts: When I look at a picture of Charlie Weis, I can’t find his chin. Second, apparently he is NOT recruiting any defensive players.

January 2 - Rose Bowl Blow Out

Although it is 320 days until Ohio State plays michigan, I couldn’t help but comment on the sorry performance michigan gave in the Rose Bowl yesterday.

They stunk it up, losing 32-18 to USC. The score could have been worse.

Much had been said about QB Chad Henne and RB Mike Hart declaring they were not going pro and would return for their senior year. Hart said he wanted to return because he wanted to beat Ohio State. Two thoughts:

1. I believe I speak for all of Buckeye Nation by saying THANK YOU. Hart and Henne are 0-3 against Ohio State. Please, please, come back.

2. Going Pro? In what league? Even the Arena League has standards.

Hart had 17 carries for 47 yards against USC. Hart had also shot off his mouth after the LOSS to OSU. He stated he was unimpressed with the OSU defense. He stated OSU was over-rated. I guess being over-rated is something he should know a lot about.

Incidentally. LLLLLoyd Carr is now 0-6 in bowl games and against Ohio State the last three years. He may want to see if John Cooper needs another member in the Underachiever’s Anonymous Club.

January 1 - Happy New Year

Here are my 2007 New Year’s Resolutions.

1. Play More Golf – I only have 5 years before I’m eligible for the PGA Senior’s Tour. I have to figure out a way to reduce my handicap by 21 strokes without eliminating any holes. The only way to do this, is to play MORE GOLF.

2. Speak My Mind – I’m committed to no longer sit idly by and let things go un-challenged. I’m going to continue to call out PET PEEVES each Monday and share these concerns with others.

3. Gain Weight – Everyone wants to lose weight, but I’m going to add a few pounds. My Dad was 3 inches shorter and 40 pounds heavier at my age. I guess I’m just not trying. Pass the cheese wiz and the pork rinds, please.

4. Spend Less Time With Family – They need to be more independent. I’ve already tried to wean my kids off of displays of affection by limiting hugs to between 8:00 and 8:15 each morning. A nice by product is that it has also taught them how to tell time.

5. Watch More TV – I’ve never watched a reality series. Maybe, I am missing something.

6. Learn Spanish Cuss Words – I need to be able to explain to the workers at the bank, the grocery, and the convenience store how I really feel about their low level of service.

7. Be More Sarcastic – Like, is that really possible?

So don't make the same stupid New Year's resolutions you've been making and failing to meet every year. Set some that are attainable.

Here are some Resolutions that should be easy to follow:

Always replace the gas nozzle before driving away from the pump.

Try driving closer to the speed limit.

Here are a couple of good quotes about resolutions:

Mark Twain: New Year's Day… now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.

Oscar Wilde: Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.

Happy New Year.

January 1 - Customer Dissatisfaction

In 2006, I tackled many home improvement projects. Some like yard work and room painting, I would consider normal maintenance up-keep.

Smaller projects, I documented on this blog or on my home page: Bike Rack and Re-charger Consolidation

Other projects required outside assistance. I rebuilt a bridge and constructed a tree house. Neither would have been possible without my older brother.

The last project of 2006 was a Lower Level Bar. It is something I wanted for over six years.

As a Professional Project Manager with PMP credentials, I designed a project plan. The plan had necessary dependencies, timelines, and milestones. The plan took into consideration the three tenets of a project: time, cost, and quality. I hired a HH Home Improvements to turn my plans into reality.

All was well until the bar counter top provider, Cabinets and Countertops by Design decided to not provide the contracted pieces on the desired date and as designed.

The project plan had integrated enough slack time to incorporate possible delays. What it didn’t account for was dishonest salespeople (is that an oxymoron?) and unexpected poor quality.

I called the company the day before the desired completion date and was told they would be ready as scheduled. In actuality, it was two days after the promised date before the tops were available. One problem, Cabinets and Countertops by Design’s definition of finished is that they have completed their work. IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT THEIR PRODUCTS ARE CORRECT AND HAVE BEEN MADE TO SPECIFICATIONS. There were defects in all three ordered counter tops.

Cabinets and Countertops by Design was non-responsive to my requests to repair their errors.

Implementing my contingency plan, I had HH Home Improvement correct the defects.

When I went back to Cabinets and Countertops by Design to outline the issues, they would not return my calls. When I resorted to email, I was met by an unbelievable response. Below are some extracts from their response:

“Mr. Lewis

It is obvious by the answers that you are giving me that you are not a reasonable person.

We made corrections to the tops at no expense to you or your installer.

We can debate whether the corrections were as a result of fabricator error or as a result of the pathetic drawing.

I should have charged you to modify the tops.

The end that you said wasn’t properly finished matched you drawing! Review your scribble!

It’s the nature of the industry that sometimes mistakes are made. I don’t like it, but it’s the nature of the beast.

Mr. Chris Holtz, Customer Service"

And these comments were from their “Customer Service” Representative!!! They did not attempt to negotiate a resolution.

I will give $50 to anyone who can provide details as to when I have been unreasonable, pathetic, or scribed in scribble. First grade teachers and ex-girlfriends are not eligible.

In order to rectify the situation, the Better Business Bureau has been contacted and my credit card company is with holding payment. However, I received the most satisfaction when I placed the below sign on my finished bar, prior to our recent Holiday Parties.
Over 200 people have been informed. As someone once said, “Good News travels fast, Bad News like lightning.”

Interestingly, it not only stirred conversations at our parties, but others had experienced poor quality and service from Cabinets and Countertops by Design, as well. My message will continue to be delivered at upcoming BCS Championship Football and Super Bowl Parties.

In summary:

HH Home Improvement – GOOD
Cabinets and Countertops by Design - BAD

Moral of the Story: Don’t resort to personal attacks as a means to distract from your company’s shortcomings. As a retired Professional that has too much time on his hands and a large network of contacts and friends, I feel it is my obligation to prevent others from bad experiences with unscrupulous vendors.

It is not an issue of “The Customer is Always Right.” It is an issue of treating the customer with RESPECT. There is a great sign that I used to have placed in our Customer Care Centers and Help Desks: Below are BEFORE and AFTER pictures of the Lower Level Bar.

New Bar - FRONT

New Bar - SIDE

The TV in the bar is my 17th TV in the house and second that is HDTV.