Broken Links

Three of the four links to the right are BROKEN. >>>>>>

Time Warner doesn't know why, but tech support will get on it on December 26.

Check back and MERRY CHRISTMAS.

Cheers.

JJ

December 15, 2008 - December Break

I am taking my annual December Break from blogging.

I would call it my “Holiday Break” but that may be offensive to some people. Forget about Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or Festivus.

Once I complete my shopping and wrapping, and have distributed the annual Family Update cards, I will return.

In the mean time, here are three seasonal PET PEEVES to keep you occupied:

Kwanzaa

Politically Correct Christmas

Inappropriate Gifts

Enjoy and HAPPY HOLID …. Oh never mind.

December 12, 2008 - Friday Funny Jokes

How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?

They Take The Psychopath

What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?

Dam!

What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?

Polaroids

What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?

A Stick

What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?

Subordinate Clauses.

What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?

Spoiled Milk.

What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?

A Nervous Wreck.

Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?

Right Where You Left Him.

Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?

Because It Scares The Dog.

What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover ?

The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?

A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack , Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack .

How Are a Texas Tornado And a Arkansas Divorce The Same?

Homebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer

December 8, 2008 - PPM - Christmas Gone Lame

This week’s PET PEEVE MONDAY (PPM) is the absurdity of some Christmas gifts. I receive countless catalogues based upon the fact that the majority of my shopping is done on-line.

While perusing this year’s offerings, I was struck how senseless that children’s toys have become.

Example #1: The 50' Snowball Launcher

The text reads: “This toy blaster makes and launches softball-sized snowballs up to 50', allowing rapid, long-range assaults during neighborhood snowball confrontations. Simply place snow in the forming chamber and close the lid; it packs three perfectly spherical snowballs. To blast your mark, place one snowball in the muzzle, aim the launcher, and pull back the slingshot mechanism.”

It is no wonder that all of the great Major League pitchers now come from the impoverished Dominican Republic or Cuba. Caribbean people can’t afford the luxury of having a toy throw the snowball or rock. Our kids are being pampered and can’t fully develop their throwing arms. I’ve heard in some up-scale neighborhoods, the nannies and butlers actually throw the snowballs for their employers.

Example #2: The Wireless Multi Player Poker Game

The text reads: “This wireless poker game allows you and up to five other players to compete in your own casino-style Texas Hold 'Em poker tournaments with an on-screen television display. The game includes a main unit that plugs into your TV and six wireless handheld controllers that allow players to manage their hands while keeping them hidden using the controllers' built-in sliding covers. When displayed on a TV screen, the game presents an overhead view of an oval poker table and icons that show player status and winnings; hole cards and community cards are also displayed in addition to the pot. The main unit requires four AA batteries, and individual controllers require three AAA batteries.”

WTF? Why not just get a deck of cards? To activate the game as indicated above, you require 22 AAA batteries. Has it become too cumbersome and tiresome to SHUFFLE cards on your own?

It’s no wonder that Trivial Pursuit has been accused of “Dumbing Down” it’s latest game releases.

What happened to the idealist Walton’s? They used to make all of their Christmas gifts.

I remember the first time my kids asked me for a motorized scooter. After I stopped laughing, I explained that my first scooter didn’t even have wheels. I had to carry it for an entire year until I got the wheels the next Christmas.

Happy Holidays.

December 6, 2008 - Loser of the Week - CJ Stewart

This week’s LOSER OF THE WEEK is Clarence “C.J.” Stewart.

Who you say? Exactly.

He was just a guy minding his own business when his good friend and future cell mate, O.J. Simpson, asked C.J. for a favor.

O.J. asked C.J. for a ride to a hotel so that he could get back his stuff. His “stuff” was some memorabilia that was supposedly stolen from O.J.

That was in September 2007. A bad plan turned tragic as C.J. was convicted of several felonies and sentenced today along with O.J.

Now C.J. is going to prison for 7-15 years for helping a friend. If C.J. doesn’t answer the phone, isn’t home, or just says no, he is a free man.

If C.J. had taken a plea deal or at least not been tried WITH O.J., then I’m sure the penalty would have been less.

I had my own chance encounter with O.J. Simpson, ironically at a hotel in 1991. If I had been asked to help him that day with his stuff, I would just now be getting released from “The Big House.”

Maybe, O.J. will find Nicole Brown’s real killers in prison. They certainly weren’t located on any of Florida’s golf courses.

Karma -1, OJ -0

That "Free OJ" T-shirt I bought in 1994 might finally have some value on Ebay.

I know my answer the next time any of my friends ask for help with their stuff.

Unfortunately, C.J. Stewart you are my LOSER OF THE WEEK.

December 5, 2008 - Friday Funny - Who wants a Beer?

This week’s FRIDAY FUNNY is in commemoration of an ANNIVERSARY.

Some would think that it is reference to the 16 years of wedded bliss to my soul mate, my partner, and my best friend, Heidi. (In this weak economy, blogs have now replaced traditional gifts and cards.) We exchanged our vows on December 5, 1992.

No, the ANNIVERSARY that I'm talking about is the 75th Anniversary of the repeal of prohibition.

The 18th Amendment to the Constitution banning the sale or transportation of intoxicating liquors was ratified on January 16, 1919. It was repealed by the 21st Amendment of December 5, 1933, seventy-five years ago today.

Right after the Government took away the alcohol, they gave women the right to vote via the 19th Amendment in 1920. Draw your own correlations and conclusions.

At any rate, here’s is one guy that seems happy, even jolly, about the repeal.

December 1, 2008 - PPM - Big 3 Bailout Update

This week’s PET PEEVE MONDAY (PPM) was a bit delayed as I was following the Carmakers’ plea for a US bailout.

This was the subject of my PET PEEVE from two weeks ago. I submitted the Peeve to the local paper and it was published on November 22.

The Big Three went to Congress in November and asked for $25 BILLION. Congress sent them packing, back to the Detroit with their hubcaps in their hands.

They had come to Washington via individual private jets and without a plan. At least they could have done is “jet polled.”

But, oh, how the times have changed.

Now, not even thirty days later they return to Washington (via car) and are asking for $34 BILLION. WTF?

Here’s my (updated) PEEVE.

It took a scolding from Washington for these MAJOR companies to come up with a recovery PLAN? Nice leadership.

Now, Congressional members are going to “review” the plan to see if it is worthy.

These members of Congress, by in large, have never held a job in the private sector. They wouldn’t know what a profit is, because the business they have been in charge of is running the largest deficit in the world.

Remember, only Congress (not the President) has the right to collect taxes and spend money (Article I, Section 8).

The CEO’s plans include $1 annual salaries for themselves and the selling of their corporate planes. Wow, that’s like tossing deck chairs off of the Titanic in order to remain afloat.

If they come back in January will the number be $43 BILLION?

Chapter 11 is there for a purpose. Many airlines have used it and emerged from bankruptcy protection stronger, leaner, and more competitive.

The car companies claim that no one will buy their products if they file Chapter 11. Well no one is purchasing them now anyway. Their argument is a sham and simple fear mongering (see airline argument above).

Here’s a thought. Make a good, quality product, offer it at a fair price, and we’ll talk. Until then, put your hands in your pockets and get them out of mine, the taxpayer