January 30, 2008 - Where Are They Now? Wednesday - Strong Candidates

This week’s WHERE ARE THEY NOW? WEDNESDAY (WATN) are the Politicians with stick-to-itiveness.

They lose one primary and they drop out of the campaign. I PEEVED about the Accelerated Primary Schedule last October. I was upset that so much weight was put on three states (IA, NH, and SC) when they do not represent most of the country and only account for 2.9% of the general population.

So here we are on January 30, with few, good choices. I had correctly handicapped the Democratic field a year ago on January 22, 2007.

Some successful politicians lost their first major campaigns:

George W. Bush unsuccessfully ran for the 19th Congressional District in TX in 1978.

Bill Clinton, a many time loser (insert own joke here), failed to win his 1974 race to be a Arkansas Congressman. He also became the youngest ex-Governor when he lost his 1980 re-election bid.

What if Presidents #42 and #43 would have given up their political aspirations as easily as the current Presidential Candidates have thrown in the towel? Oh, dare to dream.

In 1992, Bill Clinton didn’t WIN a primary until the seventh contest. We haven’t had 7 primaries yet and already 8 Democratic candidates have given up, leaving only 2 undesirables.

The Republican field isn’t any better. All they want to do is compare themselves to Ronald Reagan. Ronald Reagan lost his Presidential bids in 1968 and 1976, yet he had perseverance. Reagan was great, but let’s move on. We need FORWARD THINKING. The closet any of the final 3 Republican candidates can get to Reagan is when they fly in to Washington D.C. and land at his airport.

Today’s politicians quit TOO EARLY and TOO OFTEN.

WHERE ARE THE RESILIENT CANDIDATES NOW? We need candidates that can lose a little, only to gain later. All we have now are QUITTERS.

I tell my children that they should expect disappointment. My wife says the secret to our long marriage is LOW EXPECTATIONS. There you go. Aim low, hit the mark, claim success.

Come on candidates. It’s should be a marathon, not a sprint. I live in Ohio and we won’t hold a primary till March. Will any candidates be left by then?

January 28, 2008 - PPM - Tax Rebates

This week’s PET PEEVE MONDAY was a no-brainer. Marketed by politicians as a “tax rebate” it is only class warfare and the redistribution of wealth. Whenever you take money from one class of people and give it to others, IT IS NOT A REBATE.

First, it is not a tax rebate, because Congress is proposing that $300 will go to those who earned at least $3,000 last year but did not make enough to pay income taxes. By definition, to receive a rebate, you need to have originally paid. This portion of the proposal is GOVERNMENT WELFARE.

Those who earn up to $75,000 as an individual or $150,000 as a couple will get $600 each.

Those who make over $150K, or the top 5% of all income earners, pay 60% of all the federal taxes. It’s ironic that this demographic will NOT be receiving rebate checks. They don’t even get a thank you.

This is nothing more than an election year stratagem. It is the redistribution of money from one class to another. Politicians are pandering to the poor and middle class by trying to buy their votes. Using political stunts to stabilize the economy is a mistake. The Federal Reserve's 75 basis point cut in the fed funds this past week will prove far more effective.

In my opinion, NO TAX REBATES ARE WARRANTED. The economy and stock market are in need of a correction. Ask any economist about the negligible effect of this $150 Billion cash grab on our $12 Trillion GDP. I fail to see how borrowing another $150B (with interest) from China so Joe Consumer can buy a flat screen TV from China will offset a recession.

Greed and incompetence caused the sub prime mess and real estate crisis. This spurred the onset of this recession. People bought multiple spec homes hoping to make a quick buck. Others bought houses they couldn’t afford at artificially low interest rates. Yet they want their government to bail them out. This pattern of continually rewarding aberrant behavior is wrong. What ever happened to personal responsibility?

I find it discouraging that I took out student loans, paid them off in full and on time, got a job, PAID TAXES, and now am told that I’ve been too responsible and too successful. NO SOUP (or rebate) FOR YOU!!!

There has never been a more opportune time for a flat percentage income tax or even a national sales (consumption) tax. Let’s implement some real reforms – starting with the oppressive and egregious tax code.

January 25, 2008 - Friday Funny - Happy Anniversary Hooters

Hooters started 25 years ago this month in Clearwater, FL.

From hooters.com:

“In 1983 six businessmen in Clearwater Florida opened the first Hooters. Their simple formula of great food served in a fun atmosphere by All American Hooters Girls in Orange Shorts has proven more than successful. Since that humble beginning Hooters has grown to be a world famous brand with over 440 locations in 43 states and 25 countries. In celebration of our 25th anniversary, we are passing along some of our success directly to our customers with a $25,000 giveaway on the 25th of every month!”

I think it’s great that they brought back the original Hooters Girls for the reunion.

January 24, 2008 - Loser of the Week - Newsweak Magazine

This week’s LOSER OF THE WEEK is NEWSWEEK magazine.

Newsweek decided that Hillary Clinton needed to be propped up because of her lagging primary and carcass results. Newsweek airbrushed her sagging features on their January 21, 2008 cover.

It should come as no surprise as magazines have been altering photos for years. I found the Top 15 incidents while doing some web surfing.

Newsweek removed all the wrinkles and even changed her eye color. Here is the cover they should have run.

Or they could have used these great Hillary pics.

The media has detailed how Hillary Clinton beat Barack Obama in the Nevada Carcass.

Hillary may have received more popular votes, however Obama beat Clinton, 13-12 in Nevada delegates. The candidate with the MOST DELEGATES wins the nomination. So who really won?

It must be that VAST LEFT WING CONSPIRACY. A few more Clinton “victories” and Obama should be all set as the Democratic nominee.

I was reminded of a classic Hillary lie this past week with the passing of Sir Edmund Hillary, the first person to scale Mount Everest.

Hillary announced in 1995 that her mother had actually named her for this famous explorer. The claim was repeated in Bill Clinton's memoirs. The only problem is that Sen. Clinton was born in 1947, and Sir Edmund Hillary did not ascend Mount Everest until 1953. Was it prophetic or pathetic?

Indeed, a spokeswoman for Sen. Clinton named Jennifer Hanley phrased it like this in a statement in October 2006, conceding that the tale was untrue but nonetheless charming: "It was a sweet family story her mother shared to inspire greatness in her daughter, to great results I might add."

To paraphrase Hillary’s silver-tongued husband, “I guess it depends on what your definition of “History” is.”

Thank you Newsweek, or should I call you Newsweak? You are my LOSER OF THE WEEK.

January 23, 2008 - Derby Dead Pool Update

It’s time for a DERBY DEAD POOL Update. The Derby Dead Pool is an online competition to guess which famous people won't make it to the end of the current year.

You list 20 people that you think will die in 2008. The winner last year correctly predicted 10 of his 20 celebrity deaths. You get points based on how they die and how old they were at the time of their death. This year I have submitted two entries into the contest. As a refresher, here are my two teams:

1 Dead in Ohio
2 Sick, 2 Not Quit

This past Sunday I was alerted to the fact the Suzanne Pleshette had moved six feet closer to the center of the Earth.

Suzanne Pleshette was the beautiful, husky-voiced star best known for her role as Bob Newhart's sardonic wife on television's long-running "The Bob Newhart Show" (1972-1976). Apparently her husky voice was NOT great acting, but a result of a long running love affair with Marlboro. Pleshette was 70.

My fondest memories of the Bob Newhart Show were from the “Hi Bob” drinking game we played at The Ohio State University. The rules were simple. Whenever anybody on the show says "Hi, Bob!" or “Oh Bob”, everybody calls out "BOB!" and takes a very generous drink of their beer. People on the show say "Hi, Bob" very often. Pleshette was good for an “Oh Bob” once or twice every episode.

Four years after the show ended in 1978, Newhart went on to the equally successful "Newhart'' series in which he was the proprietor of a New England inn populated by more eccentrics. When that show ended in 1990, Pleshette reprised her role - from the first show - in one of the most clever series final episodes in TV history.

It had Newhart waking up in the bedroom of his "The Bob Newhart Show" home with Pleshette at his side. He went on to tell her of the crazy dream he'd just had of running an inn filled with eccentrics. CLASSIC.

I will always have a special place in my heart for Ms. Pleshette for her “Oh Bob’s” and for advancing me to 20th place out of the 459 teams in this year’s Derby Dead Pool. I received 7 points for my Pleshette selection.

Other Derby Dead Pool Updates on some of my selections:

Snoop Dogg’s brother had a heart attack on January 9th. Bad genes can be a factor.

Britney Spears continues to spiral out of control. She’s beginning to look more like Anna Nicole than Anna did. The Associated Press has already drafted her obit.

January 21, 2008 - No PPM - MLK and Cookies

Whenever a holiday falls on a Monday, I do not post a PET PEEVE. Last year, I posted about Martin Luther King, Jr Day. The sentiments are still valid.

Feeling gracious, I will also temporarily rescind my PET PEEVE from October 29, 2007 about Children Fundraisers.

I want to remind everyone that there are only five more Girl Scout Cookie Shopping Days Left.

Your choices are:

- Carmel deLites
- Peanut Butter Patties
- Shortbread
- Thin Mints
- Peanut Butter Sandwich
- Thanks-A-Lot
- Lemonades
- Cinna-Spins

Please email me your selections by January 25.

January 18, 2008 - Friday Funny - A-Hole Video

This was too funny. I had to provide a link. I apologize for the language but not the humor.

January 14, 2008 - PPM - Flip Flop Flunkies

This week’s PET PEEVE MONDAY is about the phrase, “FLIP FLOP.”

Politicians and political pundits banter about this term any time a candidate changes their position on an issue.

Mind you, it may have been their position 35 years ago. My take is that I do not want a President, Senator, Congressman, Sheriff, or Dog Catcher that has NOT changed or evolved based upon changing conditions, new technologies, or experiences.

Those that REFUSE to CHANGE are ARROGANT AND IGNORANT.

People used to believe the World Was Flat.

Ken Olson, founder of Digital Equipment Corporation, told the World Future Society in 1977, “There is no reason for an individual to have a computer is his home.”

More recently, in 1997, 38 members of the Heaven's Gate, religious cult in San Diego, committed suicide. They were convinced that their souls could take a ride on a spaceship that they believed was hiding behind the Comet Hale Bopp, that was carrying Jesus.

How did these positions work out? I bet some people would have liked to have seen a little “FLIP FLOPPING.”

Candidates that espouse or decree that they have held a position the longest, doesn’t make them correct, it’s makes them stubborn.

I do not believe people PANDER when they CHANGE and ADAPT based upon new information.

Every Republican candidate wants to be the next Ronald Reagan. Remember, Ronald Reagan was a Democrat until 1962.

He was quoted on at least one occasion as saying "I didn't leave the Democratic Party; my party left me."

Based upon today’s rhetoric, Ronald Reagan would be branded a FLIP FLOPPER and would have NO CHANCE to be elected.

January 11, 2008 - Friday Funny - Men at Work

These men are installing posts to stop cars from parking on the pavement outside an Irish sports bar. They're cleaning up at the end of the day.

How long do you think it will be before they realize.... They can't get their truck out ?

January 10, 2008 - Loser of the Week - Barack Obama

The LOSER OF THE WEEK has to be BARACK OBAMA.

It was not because he lost the New Hampshire Primary.

It was not because of his poor showing in the last debate.

It was because of his endorsement today by John Kerry.

Senator John Kerry (D-MA) spurned his 2004 running mate, John Edwards and endorsed his rival, Barack Obama. I guess loyalty is not included in Kerry's large lexicon.

I’m not sure if it says more about Kerry’s judgment or Edwards’ lack of believability. Either way, if I’m Obama, I say thanks, but NO THANKS to a Kerry Endorsement. It's got to be the KISS OF DEATH.

The picture below has a person loved by millions, the other guy is John Kerry.

January 7, 2008 - PPM - Children Birthday Parties

This week’s PET PEEVE MONDAY is again about OUR CHILDREN.

In the past I have had CHILDREN PET PEEVES based upon:

Children Answering Phones

Children that are Fragile

Children Fund Raisers

Children that are Over Scheduled

Now don’t get the idea that I don’t like children, I do. I just think there should be boundaries.

My latest PET PEEVE is CHILDREN BIRTHDAY PARTIES. We got caught into this SUCKING VORTEX OF DOOM when we held a birthday party for one of our children. I told my wife that nothing good could come from this act. And I was right.

By having a party, you get invited to ten other parties. Then if you have multiple children, it becomes exponential. Add to that issue that many parents try to outdo the previous party.

I now have to travel over 30 minutes to attend some parties. And to add injury to insult, I have to sign ACCIDENT WAIVERS before attending the party (below.) It contains language like, “I, for myself and the participant(s) named below, and our respective heirs, assigns, administrators, personal representatives, and next of kin, hereby release and hold harmless, Just Kiddin' Inc., DBA Pump It Up of West Chester, OH, and PIU Management, LLC, their affiliates, officers, members, agents, employees, other participants, and sponsoring agencies from and against any and all claims, injuries, liabilities or damages arising out of or related to our participation in any and all Pump It Up programs, activities, parties, the use of the play area and/or inflatable equipment.”

What’s next, I have to sign a Letter of Intent to have fun?

Are these waivers a result of injuries, lawsuits, or fragile children? As always, it was probably overzealous, unscrupulous lawyers that brought the onset of these waivers.

Will Zoo’s now have you sign waivers that you understand that the animals reserve the right to eat you should you taunt, tease, or make faces at them?

I don’t want to raise my children in a bubble. I also don’t feel the need to expose them to undue risk when attending a birthday party. I shouldn’t have to retain counsel in order to decide if I should schedule a play date.

What ever happened to the neighborhood clown or magician that would entertain our children? Oh yeah, they are serving 10-20 years for being convicted Child Predators.

Janaury 4, 2008 - Friday Funny - Hillary's Carcass

This was Hillary Clinton's reaction after finding out she finished third in the Iowa carcass (caucus) held on Thursday.

January 3, 2008 - The Derby Dead Poll - Entry 2

As detailed in yesterday’s post, I am ready to reveal my entries to the United Kingdom’s Derby Dead Pool.

My first entry, 1 Dead in OHIO, was made up of a variety of young out of control debutantes and aging stars. It was based more of fun, general desire, and “yeah, it could happen” thoughts.

This entry is more scientifically or at least it is medically based. I’ve titled it, 2 Sick 2 Not Quit.

It contains folks that would be denied insurance because of “pre-existing conditions.”

1. Muhammed Ali, Parkinson’s Disease

2. Jerry Lewis, everything but MD

3. Patricia Dunn, Cancer

4. Liza Minnelli, Deranged Diva Disease

5. Fidel Castro, may be already dead

6. Ryan O'Neal, Cancer

7. Roger Ebert, Cancer

8. Sharon Osbourne, Cancer

9. Farrah Fawcett, Cancer

10. Greg Page, left Wiggles gig with an undisclosed illness

11. Teri Garr, Cancer

12. Suzanne Pleshette, Cancer

13. Michael Fox, Parkinson’s Disease

14. Larry King, multiple heart failure episodes

15. Steven Hawking, some rare and progressive neuromotor disease

16. Ron Santo, Diabetes

17. Charles Heston, Alzheimer’s Disease

18. Ron Springs, remains comatose

19: Areil Sharon, remains comatose

20. Jack Klugman, Cancer

Now before you get up in arms about the morbid nature of this exercise, remember I wish none of these people ill (pun intended) will.

There are no trophies or cash stipends for being correct. It just gives me a reason to Google Greg Page from time to time to see if the life of an ex-Wiggle is the 2008 version of a 1970 ex-Beatle.

You don’t have to wish me good luck or those on my list bad luck. I just think it is time to bring an American Victory to the UK Derby Dead Pool.

January 2, 2008 - The Dead Pool

Now that we are into 2008, I can reveal my entries into this year’s DERBY DEAD POOL.

Some blokes in the UK run the Derby Dead Pool. It is an online competition to guess which famous people won't make it to the end of the current year

You list 20 people that you think will die in 2008. The winner last year correctly predicted 10 of his 20 celebrity deaths. You get points based on how they die and how old they were at the time of their death.

SCORING:
The value of the basic death depends on the person's age:
18-29 years: 12 points
30-49 years: 10 points
50-59 years: 9 points
60-69 years: 8 points
70-79 years: 7 points
80-89 years: 6 points
90-99 years: 5 points
100-109 years: 4 points
110+ years: 3 points

On top of this, bonus points are awarded as follows:
Unique pick: +3 if you were the only competitor to pick that person.
Unlucky 13: +2 for a celeb who dies on the 13th of any month.
Unnatural causes: +3 for murder, suicide or accident (but not State executions).
Party pooper: +5 for a celeb who dies on their birthday or Xmas Day.

I had Benazir Bhutto on my 2008 list, but she went four days too early. I struggled on whether to add Ernest Borgnine or Britney Spears.

This year I have 2 entries:

Entry #1 – 1 DEAD IN OHIO

1. John Travolta – flies his own plane (think John Denver)

2. Daniel Baldwin – least talented Baldwin brother, also recently pissed off Alec

3. Duane (Dog the Bounty Hunter) Chapman – his luck will run out, possibly at hands of his own family

4. Steven Fossett – missing for months, but not LEGALLY dead

5. John Paul Stevens – oldest Supreme Court Judge, never read Pelican Brief

6. Wilford Brimley - Heavy-set, superbly-mustachioed US actor in TV, films & commercials, looks 93, is only 73.

7. Bobby Brown – ex-husband of Whitney Houston, been in and out of rehab and jail

8. Zsa Zsa Gabor - Nine-times married, cop-slapping actress. Was in a coma for a while after a collision between her car and a lamp-post on Hollywood's Sunset Boulevard in November 2002. I’m not sure if she ever really emerged from coma.

9. Rev. Billy Graham –will turn 90 in 2008. He was on my 2007 list.

10. Lindsay Lohen – was in and out of Betty Ford more times than Gerald Ford (before he died)

11. Perez Musharraf – he can’t run and he can’t hide forever. He survives assassination attempts as if they were mosquito attacks.

12. Ashley Olsen – possible anorexia or high wind victim

13. I.M. Pei –91 year old architect. He was on my 2007 list.

14. Dick Clark – I get extra points if he dies AS the ball drops on December 31

15. Oral Roberts – will be 90 in 2008

16. Phyllis Diller - will be 140 in 2008

17. Richard Simmons - OK this one is a reach, but I feel lucky.

18. Snoop Dogg – over exposed rapper, has already outlasted most rapper actuarial tables

19. Chris Hanson – will star posthumously in “To Catch A Predator and the Guy That Killed That Smug Host”

20. Britney Spears – dah?

Tomorrow I will post my second entry: 2 Sick Not 2 Quit

January 1, 2008 - Happy New Year Jabberwockers

Happy New Year and Welcome to 2008.

Wordsmith.org sends me a word each day. On December 21st, I was delighted that they sent me the word JABBERWOCKY.

Other words that week were:

Anthropomorphize
Kafkaesque
Excursive
Dysphagia

jabberwocky (JAB-uhr-wok-ee) noun

Definition: Meaningless speech or writing.

It became a word after Jabberwocky, a nonsense poem by Lewis Carroll was included in his 1871 novel Through the Looking Glass.

The poem Jabberwocky is filled with made-up words, yet it has been translated into dozens of languages. Not bad for a nonsensical poem.

Original: http://www.jabberwocky.com/favicon.ico
Translations: JV: Translations

My master plan is that the definition for JABBERWOCKY will be changed at some point based upon the MEANINGFUL WRITINGS that appear on this blog, JAY’S JABBERWOCKY.

BTW, if you forget the URL for this site or if you are traveling without your bookmarks, you can simply GOGGLE “Jay’s Jabberwocky.” It is rated the #1 search result by Google.

HAPPY NEW YEAR JABBERWOCKERS

JABBERWOCKERS (JAB-uhr-wok-uhrs)

DEFINITION: people that read Jay's Jabberwocky