May 30 - Where Are They Now? Wednesday - Fred Thompson

This week’s WHERE ARE THEY NOW? WEDNESDAY is Fred Thompson.

Fred, we need you as a candidate for President.

It’s not that you look and sound like a President. You are truly Reagan-esque and from Central Casting. You are electable in what is predicted to be a tough 2008 campaign for Republicans.

What you offer is real views on Immigration, Iran, Iraq, and the War on Terror.

Mr. Thompson, get in the race.

I always loved the Lee Iacocco line, “Lead, Follow, or Get Out of the Way.”

Mr. Thompson – please LEAD. McCain and Giuliani, get out of the way. Romney, I like your business acumen and drive. Why don’t you become the VP.

The rest of the also-rans like Brownback, Huckabee, and Paul should just follow.

Maybe Tommy Thompson should be the VP. I'm sure Thompson & Thompson would get the backing of most law firms and shoe manufacturers.

Stay tuned. I expect BIG things from Mr. Thompson.

Where Are You Now? Mr. Thompson - IN THE RACE!!!

May 28 - Happy Memorial Day

Happy Memorial Day.

No PET PEEVE MONDAY this week in account of the holiday. It should be a day to remember those people that have served our country and paid the highest price.

Their sacrifices have allowed people like me to express my opinions in blogs.

We should be thankful every day for this unalienable right, especially with the recent censures in Venezuela, Iran, and China against those that have offered a contrarian view.

My PEEVE about EXPLOITED HOLIDAYS last July 3 did reference what happened on Memorial Day 2006.

May 26 - Loser Of The Week - Holly Marie Adams

This week’s LOSER OF THE WEEK is Holly Marie Adams. Who is that, you ask?

She is the woman that got pregnant and filed for child support. Nothing unusual, except she filed suit against a set of twins.

Twin brothers Raymon and Richard Miller are the father and uncle to a 3-year-old little girl. The problem is, they don't know which is which. Or who is who.

The identical Missouri twins say they were unknowingly having sex with the same woman. And according to the woman's testimony, she had sex with each man on the same day. Within hours of each other.

Nice move. Your family must be so proud that you are FAMILY focused.

But a paternity test in this case could not help. The test showed that both brothers have over a 99.9 percent probability of being the daddy and neither one wants to pay the child support. The result of the test has not only brought to light the limits of DNA evidence, it has also led to a three-year legal battle, a Miller family feud, and a little girl who may never know who her real father is.

"Did you sleep with Richard Miller while in Sikeston for the rodeo?," Holly Marie Adams was asked in court. She answered "Yes ma'am." She then said she went to Raymon Miller's home where they had sex later that night or early the next morning.

Asked if it is true that he did at one time formally date Adams, Richard Miller told ABC News, "Well, if you call that dating." Raymon confirms that he never dated Adams in any sense, but that they were "messing around."

Holly Marie Adams, you are my LOSER OF THE WEEK.

When I look at the pictures of the Miller Boys below, I do NOT see IDENTICAL TWINS. I do see two grown men that probably still live with their mother and play XBOX most of the day. Their pictures were taken of them on the couch and not looking at the camera.

You got to wonder what else there is to do in Sikeston Missouri. Apparently they are unable to get cable as yet.

I bet they CAN pick up Jerry Springer on the aerial antenna from their trailer park though.

May 25 - Friday Funny - Yard Sale Season

This week’s FRIDAY FUNNY is in honor of Memorial Day. Memorial Day used to mean something, like honoring the troops that having given the supreme sacrifice. Now it is just the start of the annual Yard Sale Season.

So for you Yard Sale participants everywhere, I give you this week’s FRIDAY FUNNY.

Happy Shopping.

May 21 - Pet Peeve Monday - Discriminating Thoughts

This week’s PET PEEVE MONDAY concerns a new proposed law in Massachusetts.

Massachusetts is set to become the second state to bar discrimination based upon height or weight.

"No matter what you think of fat people, they deserve to be treated like human beings," said Jeanne Toombs, 59, a piano teacher who weighs 300 pounds and is on the board of the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance. Their web site has TONS of information. Here is a picture from their latest convention. I think I once had the middle seat on an airplane between these two.
Come on, what’s next, outlawing disapproving looks, the rolling of your eyes, and sarcasm. If that is the case, lock me up now and throw away the keys.

My PET PEEVE is that WE CAN’T LEGISLATE EVERY DISCRIMINATION. Where do we stop? Baldness, bad body odor, bad breath, bad teeth? Hell, no wonder the French don’t immigrate to the US.

The MA law would in effect make Randy Newman, who wrote the 1978 song, "Short People," guilty of a hate crime. The lyrics are below:

Short People got no reason
Short People got no reason
Short People got no reason
To live
They got little hands
And little eyes
And they walk around
Tellin' great big lies
They got little noses
And tiny little teeth
They wear platform shoes
On their nasty little feet
Well, I don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
Round here

However, the good news is that it would also make Al Franken guilty. He penned a book in 1996, “Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot.”

Most states have laws prohibiting discrimination based on race, religion, age, gender and disability. A few offer protection for gays and lesbians.

You never guess what is the other state only other state that includes weight and height in its anti-discrimination law.

Yep, it’s Michigan. I know why ugly and incompetence aren’t on the Michigan list. The opposition is in the majority.

People, stop the insanity with the discrimination talk and political correctness. Grow up (if you can) and get over it.

BTW, what would you call the Snow White’s seven dwarfs if they were prescribed: Paxil, Ritalin, Prozac, Lithium, Provigil, and Benadryl:

Dwarf
Dwarf
Dwarf
Dwarf
Dwarf
Dwarf
And Doc.

May 18 - Friday Funny - Lesser of 2 Evils?

I decided to watch the Republican Candidate debate this week. What a sad statement on the future of the GOP.

Fred Thompson must be licking his chops, just waiting for the right moment to announce his candidacy.

The debate featured 10 white guys with almost identical views. Below is one bumper sticker that probably was not be seen in the parking lot of the debate.

It does provide a hypothetical dilemma. What’s worse (in their eyes), abortion or homosexuality?

May 18 - Loser Of The Week - George Lopez

This week’s LOSER OF THE WEEK was going to be Brooke Shields.

Shields came out this week and urged Congress to pass legislation to help new mothers with Postpartum Depression. Now, I won’t minimize postpartum depression like Tom Cruise. I just don’t know how Congress could help. Congress can’t seem to find time to fix healthcare, national security, immigration, and other more important issues. Why would you want them to attack postpartum depression? They would only screw that up as well.

I decided to let Brooke off the hook.

This week’s LOSER OF THE WEEK is GEORGE LOPEZ.

This week ABC cancelled his TV Show creatively titled “The George Lopez Show.”

George Lopez, the first Hispanic to lead a television series responded by saying, "I get kicked out for a f&%king caveman and shows that I out-performed because I’m not owned by ABC? So a f&%king Chicano can't be on TV but a f&%king caveman can? And a Chicano with an audience already? You know when you get in this that shows do not last forever, but this was an important show and to go unceremoniously like this hurts. One hundred seventy people lost their jobs. TV just became really, really white again."

Nice language, George. Your children must be so proud. So a Hispanic lost their job to a white person. That has to be a first.

This week the Census Bureau announced that minorities now make up 33% of the US population. The majority of the minority are Hispanics.

Well George, apparently even your brethren wouldn’t watch your show. People, stop playing the RACE CARD every time something doesn’t go your way. Your show was cancelled because of POOR RATINGS.

GEORGE LOPEZ, you are my LOSER OF THE WEEK.

May 14 - Pet Peeve Monday - Restaurant Cell Phone Users

This week’s PET PEEVE MONDAY (PPM) concerns PUBLIC CELL PHONE USE. I know this seems to be a PET PEEVE for everyone except the perpetrators.

In November 2006, Ohio voters decided to eliminate smoking in all restaurants. It took over six months to implement, but it is now the law of the land.

I can only hope that someone makes cell phone use in a restaurants a crime as well.

Last Friday, I tried to enjoy an afternoon lunch with my four-year-old daughter. We sat outside at the local Fridays.

The patio was relatively peaceful, or so I thought.

One woman was sitting at a two-person table talking on her cell phone. Her meal was finished and she appeared ready to depart, but was having a loud conversation on her cell phone.

We ordered our drinks; she continued to talk on her phone.
We enjoyed our drinks and ordered our food; she continued to talk on her phone.
We ate our food; she continued to talk on her phone.
We paid our bill; she continued to talk on her phone.

She had talked non-stop for the whole hour we were there. I don’t even know if anyone had “enjoyed” lunch with her that day. Amazingly, as I could hear her side of the conversation, nothing of interest was revealed. No one was sick; no one was dying, no one needed to be talked down from the ledge. It was continuous inane small talk.

At regular intervals this woman would cackle loudly with no warning or probable reason. People would instinctively turn to look. My 4-year old did this repeatedly.

I finally said loudly to my daughter, “Honey, it’s rude to stare at RUDE people.” This drew laughter and applause from the other patio patrons.

It drew no response from the culprit; she continued to talk on her phone.

I long for the old days of poor cell phone coverage and limited cell phone battery life. Actually, I long for the days of proper public etiquette.

I believe it would be impolite to talk on my phone, but I did use it to take a picture of the discourteous diner.

If you know this person, please tell her to HANG UP.

May 13 - Happy Mother's Day

There is nothing new to report about my feelings about Mother’s Day.

Here is the link to last year’s Mother’s Day Post.

May 11 - Friday Funny - Billboard

No comment necessary.

May 11 - Loser Of The Week - Curt Schilling

This week’s LOSER OF THE WEEK is CURT SCHILLING.

Schilling is a Boston Red Sox pitcher.

Schilling, in his weekly appearance on sports radio WEEI's "Dennis and Callahan" show, was asked if baseball fans should hold their noses while watching Barry Bonds's pursuit of Hank Aaron's all-time Major League home run record.

"Oh yeah. I would think so. I mean, he admitted that he used steroids," said Schilling. "I mean, there's no gray area. He admitted to cheating on his wife, cheating on his taxes, and cheating on the game, so I think the reaction around the league, the game, being what it is, in the case of what people think. Hank Aaron not being there. The commissioner [Bud Selig] trying to figure out where to be. It's sad.”

After a day of reflection - undoubtedly encouraged by Red Sox management and probably Major League Baseball - Schilling wrote on his blog,

"Everyone has days and events in life they'd love to push the rewind button on; [Tuesday] was one of those days. Regardless of my opinions, thoughts and beliefs on anything [regarding] Barry Bonds, it was absolutely irresponsible and wrong to say what I did. I don't think it's within anyone's right to say the things I said [Tuesday] and affect other people's lives in that way."

Here is my beef. Why apologize? BE A MAN, CURT SCHILLING, AND STAND BEHIND YOUR COMMENTS.

Barry Bonds has more of a backbone, albeit one strengthened by steroids, than Schilling. Bonds has never apologized for any of his transgressions.

In January 2006, GQ, listed the top 10 hated athletes.

It featured ten groin-kicking, preening, backstabbing athletes. Interestingly Schilling was #4. The top three were:

3. Kurt Busch
2. Barry Bonds
1. Terrell Owens

Per GQ: One reporter who has covered Schilling. “But outside the white lines, there’s a huge gap between the man and the image he projects.” Take, for instance, Schilling’s self-glorifying display during Congress’s steroid hearings in March 2005 or his absurdly patriotic open letter to America on ESPN.com after 9/11, for which his teammates mocked him on a late-night bus ride with a chorus of “I’m a Yankee Doodle Dandy.” He wears on people.”

On days he doesn’t pitch, Schilling is notorious for striking TV-ready poses on the dugout stairs. (His manager in Philadelphia, Jim Fregosi, dubbed him Red Light Curt.) “He’s somebody who’s always positioning himself in terms of what’s best for Curt Schilling,” says ESPN’s Pedro Gomez, who described Schilling as “the consummate table for one.” (Speaking of which, Schilling also has a reputation for sneaking into the clubhouse late in games to get a head start on the buffet.)

So avid is Schilling’s longing for the spotlight that some of his peers raise doubts about his now legendary turn in the 2004 postseason, when he pitched on an ankle tendon that had been sutured in place. During Game 6, cameras cut repeatedly to the bright red stain on Schilling’s sock. It was blood, right? “The Diamondbacks people think he definitely doctored that sock,” says the sportswriter. The ex-teammate laughs: “All around baseball, people questioned that. It was funny how the stain didn’t spread.”

Curt Schilling, you an attention grabbing LOSER.

Curt Schilling, you are MY LOSER OF THE WEEK.

May 7 - Pet Peeve Monday - Bad Effigies

This week’s PET PEEVE MONDAY (PPM) is about people in India burning Richard Gere in effigy.

The move comes after Gere kissed the cheeks of Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty during an event to promote AIDS awareness.

Some called for the actor's death. Others wanted public apologies. In America, we just want him to stay in India.

Since his 1990 hit Pretty Woman, Gere has been in the following movies. None of them blockbusters:

Spring Break in Bosnia

The Hoax
Bee Season
Shall We Dance
Chicago
Unfaithful
The Mothman Prophecies
Dr. T & the Women
Autumn in New York
Runaway Bride
The Jackal
Red Corner
Primal Fear
First Knight
Intersection
Mr. Jones
Sommersby
And The Band Played On

In almost every movie, Gere plays a lothario that cheats on his wife. I guess Michael Douglas can’t always play THAT part.

But, here’s my PEEVE.

The people in INDIA do not know how to make effigies. I looked at their Gere dolls. They looked like leftover Pope John Paul II effigy exhibits. The one on the left looks more like Coffee Maker Juan Valdez then Richard Gere.

The effigy looks nothing like Gere. If there were a close resemblance to Richard Gere, I’m sure PETR (People for Ethical Treatment of Rodents / Gerbils) would have been involved.

This is a rare occurence of Indian Irony. I would suggest that India OUTSOURCE their effigy making to Iran, Iraq, or Berkley, CA.

They seem to have a good handle on effigy manufacture, based upon their ability to mass-produce George W. Bush effigies. Richard Gere effigies should be no problem at all.

May 4 - The Loser of the Week - Tony LaRussa

This week’s LOSER OF THE WEEK is Tony LaRussa. LaRussa is the Manager of the St. Louis Cardinals’ baseball team.

LaRussa inserted himself into the news this week after one of his players, Josh Hancock, was killed in an early morning traffic accident. LaRussa told the reporters not to “rush to judgment” and to respect the player.

Let’s review the facts on why LaRussa cannot be the MORAL AUTHORITY on this issue.

1. Hancock was involved in an accident last Thursday at 5:35 a.m. He stated he couldn’t sleep so he went driving. Apparently, driving poorly.

2. Hancock was unable to pitch in that Thursday’s game because he was late for the game and hung over. This may have been a call for help, but it went unanswered by LaRussa and the Cardinals.

3. Early on Sunday morning, Hancock was involved in a fatal car accident. Here is what we now know of the accident.

- Hancock was drunk (blood-alcohol level was 0.157) and talking on his cell phone at the time of his fatal accident. He was speaking to a female, making plans to meet her at another bar.

- Marijuana (8.55 grams) was found in the RENTED sport utility vehicle he was driving. Remember, he had had an accident less than three days prior so he had to rent a car.

-Hancock was not wearing a seat belt and was probably killed instantly.

Cardinal officials expressed sadness at the news and said the team will re-examine what it can do to warn players of the dangers of drinking and driving.

Before the game today, the team banned alcohol in the clubhouse in what LaRussa termed a largely symbolic move. The Cardinals also were considering banning alcohol on the road.

Here is why LaRussa is the LOSER OF THE WEEK. He is the MANAGER. Here is how he leads by example.

LaRussa was arrested on a drunken driving charge in Jupiter, Fla., in March. According to Jupiter Police Department reports, LaRussa was found slumped over at the wheel of a Ford SUV that had stopped in a traffic intersection around midnight. After repeated knocks at the window, LaRussa awoke. His blood alcohol level was measured at 0.093. LaRussa's booking photo is on the right.

LaRussa’s player, Hancock, joined the Cardinals in spring training last season after Cincinnati released him for violating a weight clause in his contract. Was Cincinnati prophetic about Hancock’s lack of self-control or did they just pass the buck?

Hancock was a gifted athlete. All he needed to do was to keep his weight down and life in order. The Cardinals turned a ‘blind eye” to Hancock’s problems because when he was sober he was a good pitcher. In fact, Hancock was a key reason the Cardinals won the World Series last year.

LaRussa doesn’t have to be the babysitter, but he shouldn’t chastise reporters for doing their job as he did this week.

There is a “Code of Silence” about player behavior when it comes to drinking, drugs, steroids, and adultery. They are not infallible, and apparently they can’t sustain massive injuries while not wearing a seat beat and expect to survive.

Everyone wants to call the accident “TRAGIC.” I call it a “WASTE.”

LaRussa shares complicity in the death of Hancock and that is why he is THE LOSER OF THE WEEK.

May 4 - Funny Friday - Dear JJ

Dear JJ,

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice.I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.

The usual signs. phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with "the girls" a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."

I always try to stay awake to look out for her coming home, but I usually fall asleep. Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.

Around midnight, I decided to hide in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with "the girls ."

It was at that moment, crouching behind my clubs, that I noticed that the graphite shaft on my driver appeared to have a hairline crack right by the club head.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro shop where I bought it?

Signed,

Perplexed

April 30 - Pet Peeve Monday - Cashing In On Incompetence

This week’s PET PEEVE MONDAY is about former White House Administration personnel that write “tell-all” books after they have been fired. I believe they are known as "DISGRUNTLED EMPLOYEES” in the corporate world.

The liberal news media gives them a platform to tell “their” story, to humiliate the Bush Administration, and most importantly, to make a buck.

One notable writer was Richard Clarke. In 2004, Clarke's published “Against All Enemies: Inside America's War on Terror--What Really Happened.” The book was critical of past and present presidential administrations for the way they handled the war on terror both before and after September 11, 2001.

Clarke was the chief counter-terrorism adviser on the U.S. National Security Council for both the latter part of the Clinton Administration and early part of the George W. Bush Administration through the time of the 9/11 terrorist attacks.

Clarke made a big show during an appearance before a congressional subcommitee. He turned and apologized to families of 9-11 victims if he was in anyway at fault. Hey, here’s some news, Clarke, read your job description. You were in charge of counter terrorism. That would make you AT FAULT.

How about giving your book money to the families, Mr. Clarke?

Another example of a “Disgruntled Employee” was Michael Brown. Brown was the Director of the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA). Unless you were under a rock or washed away by a flood, you know of Mr. Brown’s incompetence during Hurricane Katrina. Pictured below, is a New Orleans resident trying to reach “Brownie” on the phone.

After Brownie decided “to pursue other interests and spend more time with his family,” he hit the news talk show circuit. He tried to reinvent himself and become a history revisionist. Sorry, Mr. Brown, that rescue boat has sailed. Shame on the “news” channels for giving Brown a platform and another 15 minutes of fame.

Our final contestant on the panel is George Tenet. George Tenet is the ex-leader of the CIA. He wrote a tell-all book about life inside the CIA and White House. He was almost my LOSER OF THE WEEK last week.

Tenet released his memoir today titled, "At the Center of the Storm: My Years at the CIA." Somehow it was leaked to the NY TIMES on Friday. Nice job, Mr. CIA.

This is a man that held the most secret of secrets for the greatest power in the world, yet he can’t protect his own book. I’m sorry, but there was a reason you were fired Mr. Tenet. You were INCOMPETENT. In his book, Tenet slams Bush for the War in Iraq.

Tenet also spreads the blame for the U.S. being unprepared prior to 9-11. He challenges people that impugn his integrity. I’m sure you have integrity. I question just your capability.

Mr. Tenet earned $4,000,000 for his book and brings in $50,000 per speech. Again, how about giving back to the widows of 9-11 for your failures?

Why can’t today’s insiders take a page from the class shown by others that have served our Presidents and moved on? Peggy Noonan wrote a book, "What I Saw at the Revolution: A Political Life in the Reagan Era." It was her account of her time with Ronald Reagan. She gave us a great look. She also waited until Reagan’s term had ended.

My PET PEEVE is that “DISGRUNTLED EMPLOYEES” are given a stage and a check to off load their incompetence onto others. The buck apparently stops, in their bank account. These people are no better than the snake oil salesmen from the Old West. If we are going use the Old West model for society, I say we reinstate hangings.