August 28, 2009 - Friday Funny - Golf Quotes

One of my goals when I retired in 2005 was to become a good enough golfer to qualify for the Seniors Tour when I turned 50. I figured I had 7 years to get my golf handicap from a 32 to a zero, or scratch.

Four years into the program, I’m down to a 21 handicap, but trending behind the plan if you are evaluating it on a linear basis. No worries. I just need to play more golf.

Here is a list of golf quotes sent in from Jabberwocker, Chris.

Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk. - Grantland Rice

If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is. - Horace G. Hutchinson

They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that. - Gardner Dickinson

If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they'd starve to death. - Sam Snead

If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. - Dean Martin

If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up. - Tommy Bolt

I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced. - Arnold Palmer

I'm hitting the woods just great; but having a terrible time getting out of them! - Buddy Hackett

Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them. - Jimmy DeMaret

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.

August 28, 2009 - The Lion Sleeps Tonight

Ted Kennedy lost his year-long battle with cancer this past week. No matter, the political differences, death is always sad to report.

Nicknamed the “Lion of the Senate”, I’m always struck how only the certain “positive” facts are cited.

All the cable news channels are running round the clock tributes to Kennedy. Yes, he was a great spokesman for his constituents, but he wasn’t MY Senator and he didn’t represent my interests. Nobody is asking how the Kopechee’s or Robert Bork are handling Kennedy’s passing.

As a reminder, here is what Kennedy said on the Senate floor within 45 minutes of Bork’s nomination to the US Supreme Court in 1987.

"Robert Bork's America is a land in which women would be forced into back-alley abortions, blacks would sit at segregated lunch counters, rogue police could break down citizens' doors in midnight raids, schoolchildren could not be taught about evolution, writers and artists could be censored at the whim of the Government, and the doors of the Federal courts would be shut on the fingers of millions of citizens for whom the judiciary is -- and is often the only -- protector of the individual rights that are the heart of our democracy...No justice would be better than this injustice.”

Nice rhetoric.

Additionally, the contradiction between his support for abortion and his divorce, and his very public Roman Catholicism are glossed over.

I feel the passing of his sister, Eunice Kennedy Shriver two weeks ago, had more of an impact based upon her decades of public service outside of the political arena. At any rate, I had Mr. Kennedy in my Derby Dead Pool.

I’ll provide a points update when the new standings come out.

August 21, 2009- Friday Funny - Rick Pitino

This week's FRIDAY FUNNY comes from Jabberwocker MaryAnne.

University of Louisville men's basketball coach Rick Pitino told police that he had consensual relations with Karen Cunagin Sypher at a Louisville restaurant where he'd been drinking on Aug. 1, 2003.

Rumor has it that it was an Italian restaurant, but there have been several reports that this is simply not true. This naturally leads to much speculation regarding what restaurant could he possibly have been in when this event occurred.

Some possibilities:

I think Pitino should have had leftovers at home.

August 17, 2009 - PPM - Do Not Remind List

This week’s PET PEEVE MONDAY (PPM) is Reminder Calls.

These are the calls I continually receive from the doctor, the dentist, and yes, the hairdresser that I have a scheduled appointment the next day.

Somehow, I’m able to get up each day, pay the mortgage, feed myself, and raise a family without some stranger calling me to let me know that I have made a prior commitment.

Yet, the receptionist where I get a $15 haircut must call me to let me know that I must be in the chair at zero hour or the earth may stop spinning.

As a retired person, I take great pleasure in my daily afternoon nap. It never fails that someone calls to remind me of a pending engagement right in the middle of my siesta.

Trust me. I have my proctology exam red circled on the calendar three months in advance. There is NO reason to call to REMIND ME!!!

I only wish there was a DO NOT REMIND list similar to the DO NOT CALL registry.

Put me on it. I’m confident I’ll be at my appointment

If I miss the scheduled appointment, I’m sure my proctologist will tell me where to put my PET PEEVE.

August 14, 2009 - Friday Funny - Why I Love Golf

After playing ZERO golf during my 3 week vacation, I was back on the links twice this week.

This week's FRIDAY FUNNY is why I no longer water or snow ski.

FORE!!!

August 11, 2009 - A Radical Sabbatical

I’m back.

No, I wasn’t in California grieving the loss of Michael Jackson.

No, I wasn’t attending “Town Halls” across America to exhibit my displeasure with the proposed Health Care reform.

I was taking the lead from our Government. I was out spending money like an inebriated sailor on shore leave for the first time in a year.

I was on vacation from July 19 – August 9. More details will be posted tomorrow once I unpack the bags and find my camera.

Cheers.
JJ