Feb.19, 2010 - Friday Funny - Always Ask, Never Assume

His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.

He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport. Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger....




He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'. The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.

Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'

'Why?' asked the pilot. 'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' , he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.'

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?'


NEVER ASSUME!!

Feb. 12, 2010 - Friday Funny - Old Butch

This week's Friday Funny was inspired by my latest Tea Party Meeting and an email from a friend.

John was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.

Now, he could sit on the porch And fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!

When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, could run for cover.

To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Vote carefully this November, the bells are not always audible.

Feb. 11, 2010 - Summer - Anyone?

Our youngest finally learned to swim last summer, so we decided to put a pool in the yard.

Apparently, we should have also taught them to ice skate.

The pool company has a twisted sense of humor. They delivered the “No Lifeguard” and “No Diving” signs yesterday.

Feb. 5, 2010 - Friday Funny - Super Bowl Drinking Game

The New Orleans Saints Super Bowl Drinking Game

1. Every time they mention Hurricane Katrina, drink 1

2. If they show pictures of the City of New Orleans right after Katrina, drink 1

3. If they show Kim Kardashian in the stands, drink 5

4. Every time Reggie Bush gets up and flexes his arms in that pose he likes to do, drink 1

5. If they mention Tim Tebow for any reason, funnel a beer

6. If they show footage of Katrina survivors at the Superdome, take a shot of cheap liquor or Mad Dog (same thing).

7. If Jeremy Shockey pretends to be hurt after dropping a pass, drink 2

8. Every time they show Archie Manning, drink 1, and if they show old footage of him on the Saints, drink 5. If they mention how tough of a decision it was for him as for whom to cheer for, drink 10.

9. If they show former Mayor Ray Nagin, drink a chocolate martini, and then punch someone in the face

10. If they blame George Bush when the Saints lose, just keep drinking until 2012.