February 12 - Pet Peeve Monday - Anna Nicole Smith

This week’s PET PEEVE MONDAY is a no brainer.

Enough with the tragedy about Anna Nicole Smith.

Enough with the comparisons to Marilyn Monroe.

Enough with the speculation about her cause of death.

Enough with the media pundits posturing about what’s next for her little baby.

Enough with the non-stop news coverage.

Enough, Enough, Enough!!!

It wasn’t TRAGIC, it was EXPECTED.

She didn’t have a talent. She didn’t make this world a better place. She had a good plastic surgeon. Her body of work was her body. Flags at strip joints all around Texas are at half-staff. That sounds like an ED problem that could be fixed by Viagra.

The only good news is that although her infant daughter will be with out a mother, it appears she will have at least four fathers at last count. The movie could be titled, “Three Men and a Baby and a Stiff.”

It is only a matter of time before Vegas starts to lay odds on the potential paternal sweepstakes winner. Here are my odds.

Howard K. Stern (10%) – He’s the lawyer that has never had a client, including Anna Nicole. She didn’t have enough faith in him to have him handle any of her mounting legal issues. Stern was the gold diggers’s gold digger. He’s Kato Kaelin with a degree.

Larry Birkhead (40%) – He’s the ex-boyfriend that has claimed paternity since day one. He became the odds on favorite due to Stern’s constant legal denials of Birkhead’s desire to test the paternity. By my calculations, if he is the father, Birkhead still has 12 minutes of his 15 minutes of fame.

Frederick Prinz von Anhalt (1%) – He is Zsa Zsa Gabor’s NINTH husband. With Zsa Zsa just celebrating her 90th birthday, maybe her husband had some free time during Zsa Zsa’s daily nap. This is known as the ZZ, ZZ defense.

J. Howard Marshall (5%) – Although he died in 1995, the story is gaining momentum that his seeds were saved and were frozen. If that is the case then Ted Williams and Walt Disney may also have a chance.

Field (44%) – This is the horse bet you make when you are sure none of the named front-runners will take the race. Based upon the pace at which paternal claims were coming out of the closet last week, this may be the best bet.

In summary, Anna Nicole was not famous, she was infamous. There is a big difference. She subscribed to the Oprah Winfrey’s diet program with a better ending: She’s fat, she’s thin, she’s fat, and then she’s dead.Anna Nicole was not a frequenter of rational thought. Her last interviews made Ozzy Osborne look like the Toastmasters' defending champion.

I’m disappointed at myself for not placing Anna Nicole as one of the ten people I predicted that would die in 2007. For those keeping score at home, I’ve correctly nailed one so far.

I’m more upset that Anna Nicole didn’t die in fiery car crash with Britney Spears and Paris Hilton in the car. That too, would NOT have been a TRAGEDY. The Real TRAGEDY would have been the two empty seats not occupied by Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Ritchie because they were in rehab.

So this week’s PET PEEVE MONDAY is that people consider Anna Nicole Smith’s death a Tragedy.