June 30, 2008 - Injury Update

Jabberwockers, I’m back.

If you didn't know, I tore my left hamstring off the pelvic bone and separated my right shoulder avoiding a collision a first base on June 8 while playing in an eighteen and over BB league with my older son.

I had surgery to reattach the hamstring on June 20 and have just emerged from my drug induced euphoria. I will be on crutches for a month and unable to do yard work for 3 months or run for 6 months.

For those of you expecting me to post a picture of the surgical scar like I did with MY TOE injury last year, I can’t. I mean I would like to, but I can’t. The 4 inch incision is at the crease of my left leg and buttock. I’m told that any dreams I had of being a “Butt Model” are gone. Also if I ever get caught mooning someone it would be easy to pick me out of the police line-up.

If you are planning to visit me while I rehabilitate in my chair, I would suggest you bring your own cup for cocktails. At left is a picture of the cup I have been using during the commercial breaks of the Hogan’s Heroes marathon.

I’m receiving daily needle sticks, pricks, and shots of Fragmin from the resident Nurse Ratchet for the risk of Deep Vein Thrombosis (DVT) due to inactivity. If that is the symptom, then there are plenty of Americans that could use the shot as well.

Let me give you the other highlights of the recovery so far:

The first week I was unable to shower or sleep in a bed. I found out you could buy just about anything via Paid Programming on the TV at 3:00 in the morning. The last time I was laid up, I bought:

Eggs Apart – perfect for when you want an Egg McMuffin after 10:30 a.m.

Carbite Putter – 65% more accurate than “regular” putter

The "Perfect Club” – a golf club that GUARANTEES that you can launch 200 yard recovery shots from any fairway bunker

Wine Caddy – 5 foot high, iron sculpture that holds wine bottles

Kangaroo SUV Buddy – baggage compartment that straps to the top of your car

Red Devil Grill - portable butane grill (since recalled for safety reasons)

Dinosaur Lawn Topiary - no description necessary

I won’t divulge what I bought this time as some family and neighbors read this blog. Let’s just say I checked the local zoning ordinances, first. There should be some interesting deliveries from FedEx in the next 2-4 weeks.

I also found out that DirecTV has a channel for every Religion except Jim Jones’ People’s Temple, David Koresh’s Branch Davidians, or the Heaven’s Gates group that was going to exit Earth on the first available UFO.

Now off the meds, I able to read, function, and blog. I’ve accumulated several PET PEEVES that should keep me busy blogging, and you Jabberwocky reading, until the next injury (3-6 months from now.)

Special thanks to my wife and her many helpers who have been my arms and legs the last 10 days. Below is my youngest, special helper.