August 26 - Loser of the Week - Roger Ebert

This week’s LOSER OF THE WEEK is Roger Ebert.

Roger Ebert is the egomaniac film critic that has been on and off TV for the last 35 years.

I first became exposed (bad word choice) to Ebert when I watched the Siskel & Ebert at The Movies show as a kid. Ebert is on the far right of their publicity photo.

They were known for their "thumbs up / thumbs down" review summaries. I usually agreed with Gene Siskel and would always go to see the movies that Ebert had panned.

For example, Ebert's negative review of the 1988 Bruce Willis action film Die Hard and his positive review of 1997's Speed 2: Cruise Control were right on (sarcasm warning). LOSER REASON #1

Interestingly, Ebert married trial attorney Chaz Hammelsmith (pictured at left) in 1992. He has a stepdaughter, a stepson, and four step grandchildren. Thanks goodness he hasn’t figured out how to directly procreate. He must have not reviewed "Basic Instinct. "

Ebert has been friends with, and at one time dated, Oprah Winfrey, who credits him with encouraging her to go into syndication. LOSER REASON #2.

A supporter of the Democratic Party, Ebert publicly urged left-wing activist and filmmaker Michael Moore to give a politically-charged acceptance speech at the Academy Awards: "I'd like to see Michael Moore get up there and let 'em have it with both barrels and really let loose and give them a real rabble-rousing speech." LOSER REASON #3.

When Gene Siskel died in 1999, the producers retitled the show "Roger Ebert at the Movies" with rotating co-hosts. However Ebert, being the LOSER type, owns the rights to the thumbs up/ thumbs down expression.

And now, according to the Hollywood Reporter, there is a mini-battle going on about that famous digit. Disney-ABC Domestic Television, who distribute Ebert’s limping movie review show, have stopped using the thumbs up / down while they are in contract negotiations on Ebert’s contract. Ebert has not allowed Disney to use their Thumbs during the negotiations. LOSER REASON #4.

I need to trademark the middle digit salute, because Ebert is #1 in my book. Maybe Ebert should also trademark fat, boorish, men with bad toupees, that sit around and watch movies and eat toxic, greased popcorn all day long as well. That would really be a career killer to some of my old college roommates.

So Mr. Ebert, I give you a DOUBLE THUMBS DOWN. Feel free to sue me if you pull yourself away from the licorice ropes, chocolate raisins, and jujubes.

Mr. Ebert, you are my LOSER OF THE WEEK.