April 2, 2008 - WATN - My Blue Cooler

This week’s Where Are They Now? Wednesday? (WATN) concerns my favorite BLUE COOLER.

My BLUE COOLER had been with me longer than my wife and children. While an inanimate object, it provided much joy, especially when occupied with my favorite chilled beverages.

Last Friday, my younger sister and I threw a surprise birthday party for our OLDER sister. Non-disclosures and tact prevent me from announcing which birthday it was for our OLDER sister. However, I’m 46 and I think she may have graduated 4 years ahead of me.

As part of the surprise we loaded 25 of her friends onto a “Party Bus” and toured some Columbus Ohio establishments. I volunteered the use of my BLUE COOLER to provide libations on the bus.

At our last destination we placed the favorite BLUE COOLER by the establishment's entrance as we went inside to say our goodbyes to each other.

I would never have the chance to say “Goodbye” to my oldest, dearest friend, my BLUE COOLER.

Upon leaving, I was shocked to learn that my favorite BLUE COOLER had gone the way of D.B. COOLER, er D. B. Cooper.

My BLUE COOLER was gone, without a trace, without a ransom note. Some one had decided to steal my life long companion, along with approximately 15 Bud Lights, 11 Michelob Ultras, and 3 Samuel Adams Red Cheery Ales.

In a Nancy Kerrigan falsetto voice, I cried, “Why, Oh Why?” (It was 1 a.m.)

I really don’t care about what was IN the cooler. I just want my old friend returned.

Below is a photo of the BLUE COOLER before it was stolen. I photo catalog all of coolers in case of an unwanted abduction.

I plan to eventually photograph my children as a precaution as well.

There are a couple of suspects. Two of the party bus participants were self proclaimed “Hineygate Honeys.” They were bragging about their exploits and past villainy throughout the night.

Should anyone see these villains/vixens with my favorite BLUE COOLER, let me know.