July 18 - Where Are They Now? Wednesday - Fairies

This week’s WHERE ARE THEY NOW? (WATN) WEDNESDAY is FAIRIES.

Where are the NON-TOOTH FAIRIES?

I’m sure nothing “Ne-Fairy-Us” (nefarious) is going on. (Rim shot)

We have always have PSEUDO FAIRIES that accentuate the positive: The Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and The Great Pumpkin.

But what about the less than ideal situations?

I’m talking about the imaginary people that come to visit your children when something is extracted or falls off their body.

Everyone knows about the TOOTH FAIRY, but what about the TONSIL FAIRY or the APPENDIX FAIRY? And God forbid they get visited by the SPLEEN FAIRY.

We could have a BONE FAIRY in the image of Evil Knievel. Some would argue that we already have an OBESITY FAIRY – Richard Simmons.

I may have circumvented normal Fairy Protocol, but I saw a void, and recently invented THE NAIL FAIRY.

My 4-year old severely pinched her thumb in the mailbox. At the time she was under another parent’s supervision.

Based upon her advanced medical education, the “supervising” parent performed triage and determined that the swelling and discoloration did not warrant a doctor visit for 11 days.

When my daughter finally saw a specialist she did in fact have a thumb fracture. The hand specialist apparently also had a minor specialty in sarcasm. He stated that he could in fact have helped her, HAD he SEEN her TWO WEEKS ago when the injury occurred.

Within the next week, her damaged nail fell off. Enter stage right, the NAIL FAIRY.

It turns out the market rate for a thumbnail is $3. It must be UNION SCALE as it is the same rate for a front tooth.

Below is a picture of the amazingly still happy, yet nail-less girl, with her older sister and money manager.

In conclusion, I believe that FAIRY CREATION should be left to the discretion of all parents. You can use your own imagination for the CONSTIPATION FAIRY.

Life is TOO short, our children are growing up TOO fast, and our children are apparently TOO fragile.

So to answer the WATN question about where have all the fairies gone?

The answer is nowhere. They just have not been invented yet.